Advice from women - sexual jealousy is good, in doses?

[Anonymous]

We are your typical DCUM couple, two kids elementary school. Sexually, hit a dry spell when kids were young, got as bad as 1x per month. She was rarely into it, "it's not you it's me" and her loss of libido. Lot's of conversations about it, nothing really helped.

Fast forward, kids are older, we are "back" to 1x per week and she enjoys sex again albeit not as frequently as I like it (not complaining, its probably typical male-female divide).

Last Friday, we are out on date night and I ran into a younger, very attractive colleague. She is flirting heavily with me, in front of wife. Wife is usually cool but understandably is getting upset. Our date night, which usually ends with a platonic good night, instead ends with really hot sex (with wife) which is totally out of the norm for her.

Same pattern played out a month ago, when we were at a charity gala with one of the attractive table hosts. Uncomfortable evening, then hot sex.

Yes, I got the silent treatment over the weekend.

Question - is there any other way to have your wife see you as sexy other than through another woman's eyes? Does my wife actually enjoy this competition even if she would never admit it?

[Anonymous]

Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

[Anonymous]

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

Jealousy is a negative emotion. It comes from anger, fear, insecurity. Do you really want that to be the foundation of intimacy in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Over the years I've seen women flirt with my DH though not heavy in-my-face flirting. I'm OK with it because I know I'm the one he is going home with. Does that lead to hot sex that evening? Flirting or no flirting has little effect on my desire but if we've had a fun evening away from home and the kids I'm more than willing to finish the evening with hot sex. I have a long red silk nightgown for that very purpose.

[Anonymous]

Depends. If my DH shut her down immediately- hot sex. If he flirted back- no sex. For awhile.

[Anonymous]

Man here. WTF is up with this? I am not married but was out with a childhood friend recently who is married and wears a wedding band.

Long story short, we met a young 20-something woman who assumed, understandably, that we were husband and wife. My "wife" left us for a few minutes to run to the store at which point said 20-something began to flirt with me like crazy.

I thought it was really funny but upon reflection it sort of ticked me off. In this day and age, all men are slime but woman are allowed to behave this way? WTF?

[Anonymous]

When we get home and are in bed I like to make fun of the flirting by saying things like "I bet she can't do this" or "she'd never do that". That usually leads to a fun time so I'm ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. WTF is up with this? I am not married but was out with a childhood friend recently who is married and wears a wedding band.

Long story short, we met a young 20-something woman who assumed, understandably, that we were husband and wife. My "wife" left us for a few minutes to run to the store at which point said 20-something began to flirt with me like crazy.

I thought it was really funny but upon reflection it sort of ticked me off. In this day and age, all men are slime but woman are allowed to behave this way? WTF?

You “allowed” her to act that way. Tells me it’s a male thing if you insist a sample of one is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

don't kid YOURSELF. women may not want to regularly f*ck their man but as soon as there is any hint of competition, that same woman will turn into a porn star to make sure that her man knows he's got a seemingly good at home.

seriously, you need to stop believing your own shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. WTF is up with this? I am not married but was out with a childhood friend recently who is married and wears a wedding band.

Long story short, we met a young 20-something woman who assumed, understandably, that we were husband and wife. My "wife" left us for a few minutes to run to the store at which point said 20-something began to flirt with me like crazy.

I thought it was really funny but upon reflection it sort of ticked me off. In this day and age, all men are slime but woman are allowed to behave this way? WTF?

You “allowed” her to act that way. Tells me it’s a male thing if you insist a sample of one is valid.

Oh, this is great. It's the man's FAULT when a woman not his wife flirts with him. DCUM at its best....

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I’ve experienced the same. I’m 47 and stay fit/well dressed. My company has a college hire program and there are literally a 1000+ post college professional women in my office. They do flirt occasionally but I honestly have zero interest. I’ve got a great marriage family and wouldn’t do anything to put that at risk. My wife knows this and is a very confident and accomplished person.

When my wife and are out we’ll invariably run into some of the people that I work with - male and female. They’ll come up and hug me, offer to buy us drinks, etc. They’ll be dressed like a girl in their 20’s going out - sexy. Anyway, my usually too tired wife turns into a sex machine when we get home. I’ve seen this happen over and over. There’s nothing I do that influences it - it’s just luck of the draw on who we run into that night.

Also, she never leaves for, or lets me leave for work travel without doing it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I’ve experienced the same. I’m 47 and stay fit/well dressed. My company has a college hire program and there are literally a 1000+ post college professional women in my office. They do flirt occasionally but I honestly have zero interest. I’ve got a great marriage family and wouldn’t do anything to put that at risk. My wife knows this and is a very confident and accomplished person.

When my wife and are out we’ll invariably run into some of the people that I work with - male and female. They’ll come up and hug me, offer to buy us drinks, etc. They’ll be dressed like a girl in their 20’s going out - sexy. Anyway, my usually too tired wife turns into a sex machine when we get home. I’ve seen this happen over and over. There’s nothing I do that influences it - it’s just luck of the draw on who we run into that night.

Also, she never leaves for, or lets me leave for work travel without doing it first.

OP here, yes exactly what you wrote. Also, my wife will ALWAYS want to have sex before I leave for work travel. She will insist on it.

The strange part about it: if we are in a drought, the upcoming work travel does put a thought in my mind of "what if" on the road. And amazingly, when we do have pre-travel sex, it erases that thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I’ve experienced the same. I’m 47 and stay fit/well dressed. My company has a college hire program and there are literally a 1000+ post college professional women in my office. They do flirt occasionally but I honestly have zero interest. I’ve got a great marriage family and wouldn’t do anything to put that at risk. My wife knows this and is a very confident and accomplished person.

When my wife and are out we’ll invariably run into some of the people that I work with - male and female. They’ll come up and hug me, offer to buy us drinks, etc. They’ll be dressed like a girl in their 20’s going out - sexy. Anyway, my usually too tired wife turns into a sex machine when we get home. I’ve seen this happen over and over. There’s nothing I do that influences it - it’s just luck of the draw on who we run into that night.

Also, she never leaves for, or lets me leave for work travel without doing it first.

OP here, yes exactly what you wrote. Also, my wife will ALWAYS want to have sex before I leave for work travel. She will insist on it.

The strange part about it: if we are in a drought, the upcoming work travel does put a thought in my mind of "what if" on the road. And amazingly, when we do have pre-travel sex, it erases that thought.

It certainly makes it easier. The women in my office are attractive but beyond seeing and interacting with them I don’t have any interest. I think being able to have sex a few times a week makes it easy to not engage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. WTF is up with this? I am not married but was out with a childhood friend recently who is married and wears a wedding band.

Long story short, we met a young 20-something woman who assumed, understandably, that we were husband and wife. My "wife" left us for a few minutes to run to the store at which point said 20-something began to flirt with me like crazy.

I thought it was really funny but upon reflection it sort of ticked me off. In this day and age, all men are slime but woman are allowed to behave this way? WTF?

I think for a lot of women, it’s an ego boost. Sort of like, I’m so hot that your husband would flirt with or even sleep with me, so I’m special and better than you.

And yea, it’s gross. I’m sure they won’t find it as fun in a few years when they’re the older wife part of the equation.