Advice from women - sexual jealousy is good, in doses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Exactly. He would not be someone I would ever trust after that.

[Anonymous]

No

I’d be careful because if it keeps up, she will start looking too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Man here, I want my wife to assume I am capable of cheating if the sex dries up. How sad must your wife look at you if she refuses to have sex with you and knows you have no options. Men prefer their wives have sex with them because of desire but given the choice between "afraid to lose him so I will put on a good show" and "not tonight or tomorrow night dear" men would chose the former.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy the reminder that my husband is hot.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes they just need a little rain to feel that fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Man here, I want my wife to assume I am capable of cheating if the sex dries up. How sad must your wife look at you if she refuses to have sex with you and knows you have no options. Men prefer their wives have sex with them because of desire but given the choice between "afraid to lose him so I will put on a good show" and "not tonight or tomorrow night dear" men would chose the former.

I think there are two very different things.

One is if your spouse is attractive enough that other people are interested. It’s not that jealousy makes women hot, it’s that if other people are attracted to your spouse, they are presumably in good shape, have a stable career, are a good parent, a cheerful disposition, and are generally a well-functioning adult. That’s attractive because functioning adults are attractive, while whiny man-children are not.

The second, which is actively threatening to cheat or trying to make your wife jealous by flirting with other people, is not sexy. At least not for me. They are good ways to make me never want sex with that person ever again. A lot of women may even find it a relief- they get the perks of marriage without having to put out, and it would also give them the ability to step outside the marriage and sleep with more attractive men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Man here, I want my wife to assume I am capable of cheating if the sex dries up. How sad must your wife look at you if she refuses to have sex with you and knows you have no options. Men prefer their wives have sex with them because of desire but given the choice between "afraid to lose him so I will put on a good show" and "not tonight or tomorrow night dear" men would chose the former.

I think there are two very different things.

One is if your spouse is attractive enough that other people are interested. It’s not that jealousy makes women hot, it’s that if other people are attracted to your spouse, they are presumably in good shape, have a stable career, are a good parent, a cheerful disposition, and are generally a well-functioning adult. That’s attractive because functioning adults are attractive, while whiny man-children are not.

The second, which is actively threatening to cheat or trying to make your wife jealous by flirting with other people, is not sexy. At least not for me. They are good ways to make me never want sex with that person ever again. A lot of women may even find it a relief- they get the perks of marriage without having to put out, and it would also give them the ability to step outside the marriage and sleep with more attractive men.

This is the line that is hard to walk. As a man who went through a long stretch with a low libido wife, "talking it out" was entirely counter-productive. It seemed whiny, even to me. Women seem to want what they don't have, and if they think they totally have you, they don't want you. An element of insecurity may be bad for the psyche but good for the steamy.

[Anonymous]

Pre-work travel sex is the absolute best! Totally uninhibited, raunchy...yeah DH should go away more often!

[Anonymous]

hysterical bonding is a real thing. Women (some, most?) see their libido spike when they are trying to mark their territory. What they want emotionally is different than what they want sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Exactly. He would not be someone I would ever trust after that.

so if a woman flirts with him, that's is fault. so if we wants to have more sex than you care for, that's his fault. you choosing not be attractive or choosing not keep up your end of a strong sexual and intimate relationhip is not your fault. got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you allowed women to "heavily flirt" with you in front of your wife while your wife got "understandably upset"? What kind of DH would do this? Sounds like the "hot sex" was really just duty sex because your wife questions whether you are or would have an affair. Don't kid yourself.

Exactly. He would not be someone I would ever trust after that.

so if a woman flirts with him, that's is fault. so if we wants to have more sex than you care for, that's his fault. you choosing not be attractive or choosing not keep up your end of a strong sexual and intimate relationhip is not your fault. got it.

No, it's his fault if he entertains it and put an end to it.

[Anonymous]

My relationship is significantly improving bc DH feels threatened by other men on work travel. He had gained over 100 lbs and our sex life and general relationship had suffered. He's finally motivated to get in shape and is trying much harder to be a good husband. I don't like that he feels threatened but I also think that this is best for us in the long term.

[Anonymous]

Go out more often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relationship is significantly improving bc DH feels threatened by other men on work travel. He had gained over 100 lbs and our sex life and general relationship had suffered. He's finally motivated to get in shape and is trying much harder to be a good husband. I don't like that he feels threatened but I also think that this is best for us in the long term.

Both your husband and OP's wife take their spouses for granted. It's good to be reminded that your spouse has options if one person is not fulfilling their end of the marital bargain.

[Anonymous]

Very immature people on this thread that shouldn't be married. If you resort to games instead of communicating your marriage won't last.

If my husband was flirting with another woman I would only resent him. That's a quick way to break down trust.

Many of you need to grow up, and brush up on your communication skills. How about talking to your spouse?