If your family are trumpsters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I quit talking to these people a long time ago. Don't miss it a bit.

Ditto, they weren't close family members though

Same. Aunt/Uncle/Cousin you see once a year at Thanksgiving? No contact. They were unbearable about their racist, redneck views before, no need to subject ourselves to any more. The rest of my family is very liberal, thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't argue the issues here.

What do you do if your family supports a regime that is cruel and immoral and hurting children and families?

I am going to visit for a vacation in a couple weeks and not sure what I will encounter. I have been discussing with my mom and she concedes that child detainment is horrible, but says so is abortion.

I wouldn't be visiting. I don't want stress on my few vacation days.

[Anonymous]

you're on vacation! with family! never talk politics, religion, or baseball. i know it's hard being in dc, but it's a good rule of thumb.

[Anonymous]

I would stop seeing them. I don't have any interest in maintaining relationships with people I find immoral, or in facilitating their relationships with my children. I stopped having a relationship with a grandparent over politics and I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL voted for Trump and openly supported him. She's white and I am not. After a decade of a strained relationship I stopped seeing my MIL about a year ago. I have no idea what she thinks about anything and I don't care. My eyes are open to her and I can't unsee or unheard her veiled hate.

DO you allow your children around her unaccompanied by you or your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If pressed, they say they think it's awful. But then demonstrate they don't really know (care) much about it. Complacency when kids are being systematically torn from families??

I want outrage from these people who supposedly hold Christian values.

AMEN. I hear you! That operative word is supposedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard. My family is working class and I have a Ph.D. from an elite university. It's not all about formal education because my dad is largely self-educated and brilliant, but most of my family embrace the anti-intellectual working man thing. They are always trying to tell me I don't understand "how it really is" because I'm some effete intellectual, but we all grew up together. I know how they live, I understand the challenges in their lives. I think a lot of their arguments are ill informed or just wrong, but I also don't want to be a pedantic asshole-because who has ever changed their opinion after being lectured by a pendantic asshole. I usually say "either we can have a real conversation about this from the heart, or let's not talk about it at all." I try to avoid trading barbs back and forth, and if someone says something I find offensive I'll say something like "You know I'm a snowflake, so why don't you drop it unless you really want to get into it with me."

In addition to obviously being smart, you sound so normal and emotionally even-keeled. Although I don't know you, and I'm proud and happy for you re your accomplishments!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stop seeing them. I don't have any interest in maintaining relationships with people I find immoral, or in facilitating their relationships with my children. I stopped having a relationship with a grandparent over politics and I have no regrets.

Politics over family. Very sad, really. You're giving politics the power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am back and ready to conclude this on my end.

Your responses were hepful, and I feel more clear on this than I was.

I was concerned anout what my position should be if my family were actively supporting or excusing family separations. Hence the thought experiment about whether I would hang out with family members who were actual nazis.

Anyway, I asked some questions and they are not. I don't love where they are at, but they don't support family separations. So I am ok with going and let them know I don't plan to talk politics.

How magnanimous of you. You don't love all of their politics, but you will still deign to see them at family events.

Let's flip this. Assume your relatives are pro-life and you are pro-choice. As strongly as you believe kids shouldn't be separated from their families, they believe kids shouldn't be murdered. (To preempt the likely, and erroneous, response -- I am pro-choice but can understand where the other side is coming from and am not willing to act like my view is the only acceptable viewpoint to hold.)

Would you think it reasonable for them to refuse to go to any family outings as a result of this difference of opinion?

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to have the same opinions -- even on things that each side believes they are 100% correct. To separate from family (or even friends) over such differences is crazy and it is a terrible sign of how people on the left and right are each retreating into their own bubbles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am back and ready to conclude this on my end.

Your responses were hepful, and I feel more clear on this than I was.

I was concerned anout what my position should be if my family were actively supporting or excusing family separations. Hence the thought experiment about whether I would hang out with family members who were actual nazis.

Anyway, I asked some questions and they are not. I don't love where they are at, but they don't support family separations. So I am ok with going and let them know I don't plan to talk politics.

How magnanimous of you. You don't love all of their politics, but you will still deign to see them at family events.

Let's flip this. Assume your relatives are pro-life and you are pro-choice. As strongly as you believe kids shouldn't be separated from their families, they believe kids shouldn't be murdered. (To preempt the likely, and erroneous, response -- I am pro-choice but can understand where the other side is coming from and am not willing to act like my view is the only acceptable viewpoint to hold.)

Would you think it reasonable for them to refuse to go to any family outings as a result of this difference of opinion?

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to have the same opinions -- even on things that each side believes they are 100% correct. To separate from family (or even friends) over such differences is crazy and it is a terrible sign of how people on the left and right are each retreating into their own bubbles.

+ 100 the truth well stated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No election, no election outcome, no politician should never divide a family to the point that you won't visit with them or have them in your home. It's not worth it, and those freakin' politicians sure aren't worth it.

But are the immigrants kids worth it?

How about being able to sleep at night?

[Anonymous]

I am not gonna disown my pro life family even though I think their position is immoral. They are free to disown me.

I will disown family for being pro family separation at the borders. Or KKK members. Or incels. White nationalists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No election, no election outcome, no politician should never divide a family to the point that you won't visit with them or have them in your home. It's not worth it, and those freakin' politicians sure aren't worth it.

But are the immigrants kids worth it?

How about being able to sleep at night?

PP here. There are MANY things in this world that can keep us all awake at night, and I think we should all do everything possible to alleviate/end suffering in this country and around the world. I'm not however, going to give up family relationships.

[Anonymous]

Lots of Trump voters in my family. Nicest people in the world. Can’t wait to have them visit me next month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you're on vacation! with family! never talk politics, religion, or baseball. i know it's hard being in dc, but it's a good rule of thumb.

We have long since passed the point where the issue was politics.