Just curious about something as we enter our 40's...

[Anonymous]

OP, women in their 40s don’t experience a spike in their libido all of a sudden due to some magic hormonal change. It’s an urban myth. Apply critical not magic thinking to your situation!

[Anonymous]

It's not an urban myth. There's a hormonal shift associated with the approach of menopause. Some women have an increase in libido from this. Lots of women do not. This has to be distinguished from women who experience increased libido because they get divorced. Novelty is an aphrodisiac. Also too, kids tend to get easier at this age -- more rest also helps libido. But, even so, there are hormonal shifts.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry to break it to you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

So much patronizing! I can see why you are still single

+1! Lol. Alright honey, where do begin...

First of all, a lot of these married people were having hot hot hot sex when they first got together 10 years ago. No one "compromised"...it's just the nature of the beast that comes with having sex exclusively with the same person for 2+ decades. It's not going to be as fresh and exciting as sleeping around with new people; it's just not. It's not that people compromised or decided to get into relationships with people who didn't value sex...it's that relationships (and life circumstances affecting such things) change. If you are unable to understand this concept...we can't help you

And "miles on their particular models"? Dear lord you sound like an idiot. You know that's not how it works......right? (Right? I am not getting a particuLrly intelligent vibe from you...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

[Anonymous]

Mmm, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

Women often confuse novelty for libido. Yes, we know that sex with new people is appealing, fun, exciting, intoxicating. Men experience that too! But even AFTER that initial novelty wears off, we still want to have sex with our women. THAT is libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Women often confuse novelty for libido. Yes, we know that sex with new people is appealing, fun, exciting, intoxicating. Men experience that too! But even AFTER that initial novelty wears off, we still want to have sex with our women. THAT is libido.

It makes me feel unloved that my wife of 20 years doesn't really want to have sex with me. I've been with her exclusively for 20 years, I've experienced the stress of parenthood and of living as an adult, time has aged both of us, and yet I *still* want to have sex with her. Intellectually, I know this is mostly just a function of male sexuality being different than female sexuality -- and if you want to really get down to brass tacks, mostly just a function of differing testosterone levels. Emotionally, however, it *feels* like she just doesn't love me as much as I love her.

[Anonymous]

I think the hormonal shift is real (and magnified for women who are now done with the exhausting baby/toddler stage), and women also suffer from more sexual boredom in monogamous relationships, which may leave them disinterested in sex with a longtime partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

Haha yup. +3

I was a sex fiend when I was single. When my husband and I got together we were swinging from the chandeliers for the first few years. We've been together for 18 years and I still love him and have a good time when we have sex, but it's no longer a primal jump your bones energy...as everyone else has said, things change.

I have zero doubt if I were single and having fun exciting new boyfriend see I'd feel like I was 24 again, sexually. True for most married women (people?) - newness is exciting. Of course I wouldn't trade what I have for PP's life (or her low mileage parts, lol), but yes it would be fun to somehow get to have your cake and eat it too. That's not how it goes though, and it's fine! We have the memories of the fun crazy early days

"Mmm ok." PP, it's odd that we're all having to explain this to you but yes, things change. If you settled down with one of your hot new carefully screened lovers for 10 years, you would look back at your post and roll your eyes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

Haha yup. +3

I was a sex fiend when I was single. When my husband and I got together we were swinging from the chandeliers for the first few years. We've been together for 18 years and I still love him and have a good time when we have sex, but it's no longer a primal jump your bones energy...as everyone else has said, things change.

I have zero doubt if I were single and having fun exciting new boyfriend see I'd feel like I was 24 again, sexually. True for most married women (people?) - newness is exciting. Of course I wouldn't trade what I have for PP's life (or her low mileage parts, lol), but yes it would be fun to somehow get to have your cake and eat it too. That's not how it goes though, and it's fine! We have the memories of the fun crazy early days

"Mmm ok." PP, it's odd that we're all having to explain this to you but yes, things change. If you settled down with one of your hot new carefully screened lovers for 10 years, you would look back at your post and roll your eyes

+4 ahahah PP you sound like an older and inexperienced woman. Not the opposite... sorry

[Anonymous]

Mine went down in my 40s, but up in 50s post menopause. Most of my friends had the opposite happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

Haha yup. +3

I was a sex fiend when I was single. When my husband and I got together we were swinging from the chandeliers for the first few years. We've been together for 18 years and I still love him and have a good time when we have sex, but it's no longer a primal jump your bones energy...as everyone else has said, things change.

I have zero doubt if I were single and having fun exciting new boyfriend see I'd feel like I was 24 again, sexually. True for most married women (people?) - newness is exciting. Of course I wouldn't trade what I have for PP's life (or her low mileage parts, lol), but yes it would be fun to somehow get to have your cake and eat it too. That's not how it goes though, and it's fine! We have the memories of the fun crazy early days

"Mmm ok." PP, it's odd that we're all having to explain this to you but yes, things change. If you settled down with one of your hot new carefully screened lovers for 10 years, you would look back at your post and roll your eyes

+4 ahahah PP you sound like an older and inexperienced woman. Not the opposite... sorry

Haha yep +5 here. Everything PP's have said