Just curious about something as we enter our 40's...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For the folks that are saying that it doesn't increase, or if it does increase it's for someone else...is it just because the husbands don't take care of themselves? Or they don't take care of their marriage? What are the varying factors?

Some time ago somebody posted a study on here. Women lose interest in their husbands after time. It’s the corollary to men wanting to spread their seed. After women procreate with a man after awhile they lose all interest in him. They say they lose their libido. But it’s only for the husband. Some women can rationally counter these feelings. Other women in their 40s step out. It’s all biological.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone remember the thread by some 60-something lady who was going on about how her DH was having an affair but she refused to have sex with him because of menopause? So is this high-libido spike in the 40s supposed to be plummeting as women get into our 50s? Seems like men constantly crave sex while women stop in mid-life. Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For the folks that are saying that it doesn't increase, or if it does increase it's for someone else...is it just because the husbands don't take care of themselves? Or they don't take care of their marriage? What are the varying factors?

1) Yes, husband is rotund, robust, round. However you want to say it.
2) Yes, libido increased for somebody else.
3) Yes, marriage had issues, too, so even before the somebody else my libido for DH was low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone remember the thread by some 60-something lady who was going on about how her DH was having an affair but she refused to have sex with him because of menopause? So is this high-libido spike in the 40s supposed to be plummeting as women get into our 50s? Seems like men constantly crave sex while women stop in mid-life. Sad!

Not in my case! I'm in my late 50's and my libido is still going fine though it's never been really high. I'm ready, willing and able to go twice a week as is my DH. We've been married 30 years and we somehow have figured out how to keep each other satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Wife is 46 libido is up and frequency is greater than when we were in our 30s. Much better chemistry overall though then our earlier years

[Anonymous]

True for us. Mine is higher, his is a little less high. Nice to meet in the middle and the quality is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48, and it's true, but it's only because kids are older, I cut way back on work, so I'm not as tired anymore, which all leads to an increase libido. DH is 50+, and I haven't noticed his libido going down much.

You sleep all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

What I mean is that most women are high libido when single. I wanted it all the time and could never go without it (like you did). After 8 years of marriage and 2 young kids, my desire for sex with my husband decreased significantly. For the first 2 years we would have sex several times a day. I was by far the woman with the highest sex drive he had ever met. OP’s situation is similar to mine and not to yours. You might be high libido (I doubt it since you could go 10 years without it), but things change once you are married with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

What I mean is that most women are high libido when single. I wanted it all the time and could never go without it (like you did). After 8 years of marriage and 2 young kids, my desire for sex with my husband decreased significantly. For the first 2 years we would have sex several times a day. I was by far the woman with the highest sex drive he had ever met. OP’s situation is similar to mine and not to yours. You might be high libido (I doubt it since you could go 10 years without it), but things change once you are married with kids.

OP here. What we have switched to is morning sex in recent years. Trying to muster left over energy at night just didn't get it done enough and I found work days wasted as I sat at my office desk horny distracted with thoughts of my wife, but then came home to a wife that was exhausted from taking care of our little boys. I am self-employed and that gives me flexibility too, so sometimes I can come home mid-day. DW is a SAHM, and that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

What I mean is that most women are high libido when single. I wanted it all the time and could never go without it (like you did). After 8 years of marriage and 2 young kids, my desire for sex with my husband decreased significantly. For the first 2 years we would have sex several times a day. I was by far the woman with the highest sex drive he had ever met. OP’s situation is similar to mine and not to yours. You might be high libido (I doubt it since you could go 10 years without it), but things change once you are married with kids.

You are just tired of your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

What I mean is that most women are high libido when single. I wanted it all the time and could never go without it (like you did). After 8 years of marriage and 2 young kids, my desire for sex with my husband decreased significantly. For the first 2 years we would have sex several times a day. I was by far the woman with the highest sex drive he had ever met. OP’s situation is similar to mine and not to yours. You might be high libido (I doubt it since you could go 10 years without it), but things change once you are married with kids.

OP here. What we have switched to is morning sex in recent years. Trying to muster left over energy at night just didn't get it done enough and I found work days wasted as I sat at my office desk horny distracted with thoughts of my wife, but then came home to a wife that was exhausted from taking care of our little boys. I am self-employed and that gives me flexibility too, so sometimes I can come home mid-day. DW is a SAHM, and that helps.

That’s fun! Both DH and I work FT and our know da still often sleep with us. What i have noticed though is that as soon as the kids are away for a couple
Of days/weeks (we do this twice a year), we are back at it (not twice a day or in the middle of the night), but at least once and usually in the morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

Oh, so only people in marriages can be high libido. That sounds like a bored bedroom. Mmm, ok.

What I mean is that most women are high libido when single. I wanted it all the time and could never go without it (like you did). After 8 years of marriage and 2 young kids, my desire for sex with my husband decreased significantly. For the first 2 years we would have sex several times a day. I was by far the woman with the highest sex drive he had ever met. OP’s situation is similar to mine and not to yours. You might be high libido (I doubt it since you could go 10 years without it), but things change once you are married with kids.

You are just tired of your husband.

I don’t think I am, but it’s definately not new anymore...