Just curious about something as we enter our 40's...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

How can you be high drive and not have sex for 10 years? I don’t consider myself high drive anymore (mid thirties), but I could never go 1 month without sex

It was a combined 10 years and there was a pregnancy in the mix. There was a lot of self-control and meditation during those years too

Combined or not you are not high drive...

Mmm, ok.

Marry a man, have kids with him, if after 10 years you still want to have sex everyday than yes, you are high libido. Being single and liking sex is NOT the same thing.

this. That pp thinks she is some special rare bird is hilarious

+2. Mooost women who suddenly became single and were sleeping around with new people would be considered high libido. Most women in the first year or two of a new relationship are "high libido". It is totally TOTALLY different within the context of a decades long marriage and sex with the same person. And yes, a lot of these long term marriages started out hot and heavy in bed, not it some sort of "whelp, guess I'll just compromise on the sex aspect" manner...the point is that after yeRs and years of marriage (and kids, and daily stressors, and having sex with the same person) things change. The excitement and newness wanes. It seems you're having a difficult time grasping this concept, and I'm not sure why. It's not a particularly complicated one

Because she is NOT married (and probably never was 10+ years living in the same house with the same man). Things change. I wanted sex ALL THE TIME my friends made fun of me and men either loved it (my current husband) or were intimidated (ex boyfriend actually told me that I was trying to make him feel less of a man for trying to have sex in the car when he did not want to). So I am pretty sure I AM/WAS high drive and still have sex regularly (and enjoy it), but it’s not the same.

I do think that if I was not with my husband, I would still be the same person I was in my late 20s when I got married and started a family, but I would never trade the exciting sex I had then with the life and love I have now... I do wish I could have both

Haha yup. +3

I was a sex fiend when I was single. When my husband and I got together we were swinging from the chandeliers for the first few years. We've been together for 18 years and I still love him and have a good time when we have sex, but it's no longer a primal jump your bones energy...as everyone else has said, things change.

I have zero doubt if I were single and having fun exciting new boyfriend see I'd feel like I was 24 again, sexually. True for most married women (people?) - newness is exciting. Of course I wouldn't trade what I have for PP's life (or her low mileage parts, lol), but yes it would be fun to somehow get to have your cake and eat it too. That's not how it goes though, and it's fine! We have the memories of the fun crazy early days

"Mmm ok." PP, it's odd that we're all having to explain this to you but yes, things change. If you settled down with one of your hot new carefully screened lovers for 10 years, you would look back at your post and roll your eyes

This was awesome! I love the take down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

Anyone ever tell you that you lack self-esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

Anyone ever tell you that you lack self-esteem?

Why do you say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

Anyone ever tell you that you lack self-esteem?

Why do you say that?

This is classic slut shaming. Women do it to each other when someone doesn't hold the same puritanical notions about sex and gender roles. You have to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

Anyone ever tell you that you lack self-esteem?

Why do you say that?

This is classic slut shaming. Women do it to each other when someone doesn't hold the same puritanical notions about sex and gender roles. You have to ignore it.

Haha I dunno..."Mmm OK." PP (as we're calling her) is the only who started talking about other women having "more mileage on their parts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the single high-libido older women. The one constant thread that I have heard from similar friends, is that they do not compromise on the quality of sex in a relationship. It's a deal breaker. We know this is important in our relationships AND DO NOT BEGRUDGE OTHERS WHO DO NOT VALUE IT. We are all fit, attractive, and very successful too, so we have no problem attracting men.

Honestly, many men aren't that good in bed, especially over the long haul, so there is a constant one-sided push to keep things interesting. I often get stereotyped too, for being interested in and knowledgeable about sex. Men think that since you are "good" you must have many miles on you and this is the furthest thing from the truth. I was celibate for at least 10 years, so most married women will have more "miles" of their particular model than me. I am also very particular about my partners, so most won't make the "cut." I know I know that if I get into a relationship with someone who doesn't value sex, that I will not be happy.

Because our society has such negative connotations of women and sex, think slut shaming, it is actually very difficult to be a high-libido woman in America.

Anyone ever tell you that you lack self-esteem?

Why do you say that?

This is classic slut shaming. Women do it to each other when someone doesn't hold the same puritanical notions about sex and gender roles. You have to ignore it.

I am not any of those PPs, but i think you are wrong. The original poster (older lady with high libido, never married, 10 years without sex, etc) come here saying that she and her single older friends are high libido and that sex for them is a priority. This implies that for us people that are married (much younger than her in my case) sex is not a priority and my husband should have chosen a better match. She is very wrong. She has no idea that many (most) women that are now married and not supermicrocomputador sex, used to be crazy about sex and that monogamy (kids, living together, etc.) changes things a lot. In my opinion she is not a slut at all, far from it and possibly the opposite. But she does seem inexperienced and has no clue what she is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sex drive definitely increased in my 40's but I think it had to do with moving beyond basic vanilla sex which was fine for a certain number of years. My DH and I both agreed that our love life was getting a bit stale after 15 years and that we should do something about it. So I got a bunch of ideas from Cosmo and my DH got his from who knows where and we tried a whole bunch of things, nothing kinky or dangerous, mostly new positions and places other then our bedroom. We are now in our 50's and continue to have a very active sex life.

Same here - definite increase in my 40s. And for us, kids were beyond the baby stage by our 40s (although we still had pre-schoolers...), we weren't as tired. I also felt more confident in my sexuality which really helped. And DH's libido is a bit better matched - I spent a lot of our early marriage feeling guilty that he wanted sex more than I did. I think I'm keeping DH pretty darn satisfied in our late 40s.

[Anonymous]

42 year old dw- I think about sex all day. This changed for me around 40.

[Anonymous]

40, and mine has decreased significantly

[Anonymous]

45 and off the charts high libido. Just keeps climbing. Much more than 20s and 30s.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 now, and the hormone shift is real, but for me it was worst (best) only a couple of years ago. I still get moments now. I’m sad that it will probably taper off in a couple more years.

[Anonymous]

I wish... Been married 10 yrs and my DW is now 42, still zero change in her sex drive.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I am 48 and would say at about 41 my libido returned (when I went off the pill for good) and now it's crazy high, as high or higher than it was in my teens. I think about sex almost constantly and things have really changed (for the better) in our bedroom. There was definitely a lull from 35-41 where it was much lower (and this correlated with having young children in the house). OP - there is hope!

[Anonymous]

DW here who just turned 37 and with my spouse more than 10 years and 2 kids. In the last six months I’ve been wanting it everyday or more. It’s just increasing it seems. This also corresponded with our kids getting older, more sleep, but yet more stress at work. I think I just found my second wind or something. OTOH, my husband doesn’t always take it.

[Anonymous]

49 y.o. single mom here. I'd say age 41-47 were the horniest, but hormones are still going strong.