DH's ex wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why haven't you talked to your husband about this, if it bothers you?

Whatever you do, in the future:

1) Don't use your daughter as a spy

2) Don't use your nanny as a spy

3) Don't say that your stepson "lives with you," meaning you, your husband and your daughter. He doesn't "live with you," he's a part of your family. This is Ethan's home. You may want to examine that, and address it. Because if we're picking up on this vibe that you don't truly think of your stepson as family, then believe me, he's picked up on it, too.

Oh please you're projecting way too many things. It was to make the point Ethan is not her bio and he lives with them versus the mother. So obvious and no disrespect to him was obviously mean't. The DD told her whereby she confirmed it with the nanny, doesn't in any way imply she's telling them to spy for her, lol. It's her house and I assume she also helps pay the bills. She has the right to know who was there while she was gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

You probably haven't responded to the thread because you're too busy lurking through the curtains waiting for dh's first love, I mean wife, to show up. But when it's all clear and safe to join us again, maybe you can clear some stuff up for us:

1. Is your relationship with Ethan one where you tolerate him living with you (note: "lives with us" instead of "we live together")?
2. Were you dh's former affair? If so, did he beg his first wife to forgive him, but she booted him out anyway? So you feel insecure about his lingering affection for her?
3. Is his first wife hotter than you? More successful? Better educated? Better mother?
4. Why does Ethan live with you?
5. Is that little shi*** of a dd who's spying on you gain joy from seeing you lose your footing? If so, your mean-girl is rubbing off. Careful of that.
6. When you guys divorce and your dh becomes your x, do you imagine sneaking around for crumbs? Is that why you think his X is doing this?

Lemme know if you need a good plastic surgeon, a divorce lawyer, and a few phone numbers of old divorced dudes with a lot of money. I'll hook you up when it's time....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

"keeps coming around when I am work to drop something off for Ethan". Yes that's her being stupid, and disruptive for your husband whose trying to work.

Talk to your husband, I'm sure there's a nice way for you guys to tell her to bring anything over after work hours. Or she can get more organized and not
FORGET his SHIT!! OP she sounds like a idiot!

I'd love to see OP try to intervene and manage his work day for him. Let's see where that gets her. This marriage is doomed.

You sure are taking this personal. No one said anything about managing his work day, lol. No where did I get the feeling the marriage is doomed. They may have a daughter together so doubt dh wants to go through another divorce. Sounds like it's a easy fix. Wait until after work, or OP and DH can pick up something for Ethan...or take him over there. Better yet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

Perfect answer, plus very tactful. That should be enough where she stops doing that.

"When my son turned 16, he decided he wanted to try living with his dad. I miss him like crazy, but I felt like I had to let him go. His dad's house is along my commuting route, so sometimes I stop in and see my son. I thought it was all totally above board-kid is happy to see, his dad doesn't seem to mind, and the nanny and his kid with his new wife are right there, so it's nothing there is anything going on between us (as if-I'd stab myself in the eye before I'd go back to that). Then I get this weird passive aggressive email from my ex's new wife telling me I need to tell her (not even the kid's actual father!) 24 hours in advance if I want to see my son ("if he has his homework done"!). I get that she's really leaning in to her identity as default parent, but I don't get why she's trying to act like Ethan is her kid-usually she makes it very clear that she's only letting him live with his dad out of the kindness of her heart."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

I think you should demand to smell his d***.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

You probably haven't responded to the thread because you're too busy lurking through the curtains waiting for dh's first love, I mean wife, to show up. But when it's all clear and safe to join us again, maybe you can clear some stuff up for us:

1. Is your relationship with Ethan one where you tolerate him living with you (note: "lives with us" instead of "we live together")?
2. Were you dh's former affair? If so, did he beg his first wife to forgive him, but she booted him out anyway? So you feel insecure about his lingering affection for her?
3. Is his first wife hotter than you? More successful? Better educated? Better mother?
4. Why does Ethan live with you?
5. Is that little shi*** of a dd who's spying on you gain joy from seeing you lose your footing? If so, your mean-girl is rubbing off. Careful of that.
6. When you guys divorce and your dh becomes your x, do you imagine sneaking around for crumbs? Is that why you think his X is doing this?

Lemme know if you need a good plastic surgeon, a divorce lawyer, and a few phone numbers of old divorced dudes with a lot of money. I'll hook you up when it's time....

You're post is very sad. Whatever your situation you're a very angry person. OP has said very little, nothing for anyone to project this much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

I think you should demand to smell his d***.

You need to talk to someone...seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why haven't you talked to your husband about this, if it bothers you?

Whatever you do, in the future:

1) Don't use your daughter as a spy

2) Don't use your nanny as a spy

3) Don't say that your stepson "lives with you," meaning you, your husband and your daughter. He doesn't "live with you," he's a part of your family. This is Ethan's home. You may want to examine that, and address it. Because if we're picking up on this vibe that you don't truly think of your stepson as family, then believe me, he's picked up on it, too.

Oh please you're projecting way too many things. It was to make the point Ethan is not her bio and he lives with them versus the mother. So obvious and no disrespect to him was obviously mean't. The DD told her whereby she confirmed it with the nanny, doesn't in any way imply she's telling them to spy for her, lol. It's her house and I assume she also helps pay the bills. She has the right to know who was there while she was gone.

Why did she find it necessary to confirm it with the nanny? I am sure the nanny now thinks OP is insecure as f***. Don't do that to your nanny, OP. If something of that nature needs confirmation, go to your spouse. You can always explain to him that you were just curious to see if dd knows what she is talking about. The nanny would not buy that explanation, but your spouse might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is the mistress who broke up a family, and knows her husband to be a cheater, that would explain her insecurity and panic.

Not at all. I wouldn't want a ex in my home whether I was there or not. My spouse and I are on the same page about that. What works for some doesn't work for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

OP what does "who looks after DD she confirmed it mean?" I didn't understand what you mean't. If she knows your DH is working it's rude of her to do that. Why don't people understand working at home is working!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

Yeah...no. In fact, hell no. OP doesn't have to give Ethan's mom permission to see her own son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

Yeah...no. In fact, hell no. OP doesn't have to give Ethan's mom permission to see her own son.

She can't just come over when she wants either. Yes she does need to ask to drop over beforehand.

If they go by the court order that's when she get's to see her son. Their house isn't a visiting center either.

[Anonymous]

Lots of bitter ex-wives here today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP is the mistress who broke up a family, and knows her husband to be a cheater, that would explain her insecurity and panic.

Not at all. I wouldn't want a ex in my home whether I was there or not. My spouse and I are on the same page about that. What works for some doesn't work for others.

I'm one of the PP's that is being very very critical of OP.

If her post had started out with, 'we have had a difficult time with exDW and so DH and I talked it over and decided that unannounced appearances at the house didn't work for us and that if exDW needed to see Ethan or DH that she would call ahead and DH would check with me as well' I would have entirely different advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

Yeah...no. In fact, hell no. OP doesn't have to give Ethan's mom permission to see her own son.

Actually, that's possibly not true, depending on the custody agreement. That's the key here, everything else is wildly speculative. If she is overreaching on her visitation/custody, and going on private property without permission, there could be an issue. But again, it's up to the DH and XW what the custody agreement is, and how it is being handled.