Is it possible to cheat and not get caught?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An affair that doesn't get caught in the moment can get brought to light down the road.

Cheating is a sign of poor integrity and weak character more than a bad marriage. Many adults have considerable anger and resentment towards their cheating parents. You also run the risk of your kids finding out one day and seeing you in a whole different light.

It would be nice to not care about integrity or character and just do whatever feels good...and some people do that. Prisons are full of people who rationalized bad decisions.

A sexless/loveless marriage is no fun. It is a sacrifice for your kids. Many adults don't have love or sex in their lives or whatever the circumstances and life goes on.

What? Kids don't want their parents to sacrifice all of their earthly happiness for them- nobody likes a martyr. What kids want is to not have their lives be made worse and not have their parents be miserable. The OP is on the right track with how to make this happen but, given that she posed the question at all, I worry she might not be built for it.

Kids want their parents together. They don't see misery in the bedroom.

Nor do they see the sexually active partner getting their action on the side

But they see the hardness on your face and the changing nature of your inner being as you go through the motions of lying and covering up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you want to admit it or not, being a dishonest person slowly chips away at your inner core. There'll be a divide between who you say you are and the person you actually are.

No it doesn’t . I have a friend who’s been married for 30 years and having an affair for 28. She’s happy as a clam.

Life ain't over yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the high horse people. They either stopped sleeping with their spouses and think that is OK because cheaters are always at fault, or can't imagine what it would be like to be in our situation.

It's not wearing away at my soul at all. I was aging prematurely, depressed, constantly stressed, barely sleeping for a long time before my affair began. Now I sleep well, the years seem to have peeled off, I walk with confidence, and I'm getting hit on a lot-- which I believe is because I'm comfortable in my own skin and look like a sexual, desirable person again. My husband gave up on sex, work, effort, self care, and most of his personal relationships. He even places the burden on me -- the sole breadwinner -- of working to maintain *his* relationship with our child. He would be destitute if I left, and I'd owe him spousal support and child support I can't afford for at least a few years. My child would lose a home and live in two shitty apartments. None of what my husband did is the child's fault and in spite of what the "it takes two" crowd will tell you, it's actually not my fault that my husband refused to treat his depression and ADHD, refused to maintain friendships and became more isolated, refused to hear our marriage counselor's advice to get his own house in order, and now refuses to earn money. It's just the hand I've been dealt. So I get love and sex elsewhere and keep a roof over our heads, give my child access to a father who's not perfect but who is at least there, and loving. Anyone who thinks my husband can make the choice for me to have a sexless life, and the only way I can avoid that is to make the choice for my child to have a fatherless life, can go scratch.


And on affairs:

Yes, you absolutely can cheat without getting caught. Cheating on business travel is easy and uncomplicated. I hope your potential AP is also either married or committed to staying in his city so there's no chance he'll want to spill it and disrupt your life. If you know your AP won't want more and you always do this on trips where you'd be out of town anyway, I'd say you could do it for years without being caught. If this is a city where you have a lot of contacts now, don't kiss and hold hands in public. But you can meet in your hotel, even go to a restaurant first if it legitimately looks like a business dinner.

My AP and I live in the same city, see each other a lot. When we want extended time together, we coordinate our business travel and create hybrid business/pleasure trips. Heavy on pleasure. We are out in the open when we're in a strange city, and very secretive when in the DMV.

It's true that you have to try to be the same when you're at home. It's complicated when you fall in love. But it's worth it. Life is not supposed to be about misery. Having a child with someone who breaks their vows by being a low-character person shouldn't sentence you to years of loneliness and pain.

Your attempts to discredit married couples who are faithful to each other and honoring their vows won't work, and your lengthy rationalization of your ongoing deception reflects your need to justify your dishonesty because your life IS changing you.

[Anonymous]

We are both on Apple 'find my phone' cloud. My spouse would know if I turned up in unusual locations and would wonder if I turned it off for hours at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both on Apple 'find my phone' cloud. My spouse would know if I turned up in unusual locations and would wonder if I turned it off for hours at a time.

Go shopping in Georgetown, get hotel in Georgetown. Go to the movies in cinatown, grt hotel room in Chinatown. See how that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you want to admit it or not, being a dishonest person slowly chips away at your inner core. There'll be a divide between who you say you are and the person you actually are.

No it doesn’t . I have a friend who’s been married for 30 years and having an affair for 28. She’s happy as a clam.

Life ain't over yet.

+1.... And I am guessing she is not as happy as you think

[Anonymous]

Since there are no guarantees in life re your married partner's physical or mental health, seems as if some of you shouldn't get married in the first place. Spouses can have long-time hospitalizations, paralysis due to bacterial meningitis or a car accident or war, suffer through depression, have long-term unemployment, etc. Those aren't reasons to cheat on your supposed loved one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since there are no guarantees in life re your married partner's physical or mental health, seems as if some of you shouldn't get married in the first place. Spouses can have long-time hospitalizations, paralysis due to bacterial meningitis or a car accident or war, suffer through depression, have long-term unemployment, etc. Those aren't reasons to cheat on your supposed loved one.

Those are some pretty ridiculous scenarios you’ve come up with. But even in those extreme cases, any partner who cared about you would either find some creative way to enjoy some form of sex, or would issue a hall pass, or would understand if you declared open marriage. Supposed loved ones would ignore an important need like sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But they see the hardness on your face and the changing nature of your inner being as you go through the motions of lying and covering up.

I’ve had many affairs and I do look different now - younger and happier. Friends have commented on my glow. It’s because I’m happier now. I have the strut of a woman that’s sexually satisfied. Plus I like having a naughty secret.

As far as not getting caught - never text on iPhone Bc the messages sync to all Apple devices. Use a secret phone app to communicate with APs, and delete the app whenever you’re around spouse. Reinstall when you’re apart.

Have self control, don’t check your app when spouse is home. Do not start angling your phone away from them, or hiding out in the bathroom texting. I make point of leaving my phone unlocked around DH.

Save naughty pics on Dropbox, never on your phone. Don’t follow AP on social media. I like younger single guys, and I usually block them on social media so that if they go crazy later, they won’t be able to blow up my spot.

Don’t be obvious and jump into the shower as soon as you get home from seeing AP. You have to have nerves of steel. I clean myself up at APs place, then come home and kiss my partner on the cheek. Smelling freshly showered is a dead giveaway. So is shying away from spouse.

I’ve cheated so much that it’s my norm. The only time I start acting anxious is when I go too long without seeing AP. I don’t have a guilty conscience at all. Whenever my heart starts pounding on the way home, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I deserve pleasure. Then I push the events from my mind by visualizing myself doing whatever my cover story was.

There are also apps that change time and location on pics. Have a couple selfies ready that fit your cover story, and send them to your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since there are no guarantees in life re your married partner's physical or mental health, seems as if some of you shouldn't get married in the first place. Spouses can have long-time hospitalizations, paralysis due to bacterial meningitis or a car accident or war, suffer through depression, have long-term unemployment, etc. Those aren't reasons to cheat on your supposed loved one.

Those are some pretty ridiculous scenarios you’ve come up with. But even in those extreme cases, any partner who cared about you would either find some creative way to enjoy some form of sex, or would issue a hall pass, or would understand if you declared open marriage. Supposed loved ones would ignore an important need like sex.

ridiculous scenarios?? you must be very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both on Apple 'find my phone' cloud. My spouse would know if I turned up in unusual locations and would wonder if I turned it off for hours at a time.

Go shopping in Georgetown, get hotel in Georgetown. Go to the movies in cinatown, grt hotel room in Chinatown. See how that works.

Would it be hard to find APs that live near places your normally go? I would be terrified of being seen walking into a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they see the hardness on your face and the changing nature of your inner being as you go through the motions of lying and covering up.

I’ve had many affairs and I do look different now - younger and happier. Friends have commented on my glow. It’s because I’m happier now. I have the strut of a woman that’s sexually satisfied. Plus I like having a naughty secret.

As far as not getting caught - never text on iPhone Bc the messages sync to all Apple devices. Use a secret phone app to communicate with APs, and delete the app whenever you’re around spouse. Reinstall when you’re apart.

Have self control, don’t check your app when spouse is home. Do not start angling your phone away from them, or hiding out in the bathroom texting. I make point of leaving my phone unlocked around DH.

Save naughty pics on Dropbox, never on your phone. Don’t follow AP on social media. I like younger single guys, and I usually block them on social media so that if they go crazy later, they won’t be able to blow up my spot.

Don’t be obvious and jump into the shower as soon as you get home from seeing AP. You have to have nerves of steel. I clean myself up at APs place, then come home and kiss my partner on the cheek. Smelling freshly showered is a dead giveaway. So is shying away from spouse.

I’ve cheated so much that it’s my norm. The only time I start acting anxious is when I go too long without seeing AP. I don’t have a guilty conscience at all. Whenever my heart starts pounding on the way home, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I deserve pleasure. Then I push the events from my mind by visualizing myself doing whatever my cover story was.

There are also apps that change time and location on pics. Have a couple selfies ready that fit your cover story, and send them to your spouse.

You've got issues...

[Anonymous]

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both on Apple 'find my phone' cloud. My spouse would know if I turned up in unusual locations and would wonder if I turned it off for hours at a time.

Go shopping in Georgetown, get hotel in Georgetown. Go to the movies in cinatown, grt hotel room in Chinatown. See how that works.

Would it be hard to find APs that live near places your normally go? I would be terrified of being seen walking into a hotel.

You go to a hotel that has a bar, cafe, or restaurant that's a believable place to meet people, or a hotel on a street that gets no foot traffic. There are tons in each category in DC (and AP and I have enjoyed many of them).

Another important thing to realize is that people on the street honestly aren't looking at you or for you if you live in anything but a tiny town, and people aren't thinking very hard about you-- if they're thinking about you at all. Think about this. You are walking along New Hampshire Avenue, near Dupont Circle, and you see your friend Larry. You both happen to be near the entrance to one of the hotels on that street when you see him and say hello. Do you think Larry says "my god, Kristy is very near this hotel. She is having an affair!" Do you think "oh my god, Larry is very near this hotel! He is having an affair!" No and no.

Just be smart and you'll be fine.

And don't be short-tempered with your spouse. That's a giveaway.

[Anonymous]

Wow Rhee are some terrible terrible cheaters on here. How do you sleep at night? You say you’re happy, but deep, deep down inside you’re a wreck, a basket case.

Eventually it will catch up with you. Karma is a bitch. Sometimes her bill comes due immediately, sometimes she holds off on the bill so it accrues Interest.

It’s awful to think there are so many of you in this world. You all need help.