Is it possible to cheat and not get caught?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To catch a cheating wife, you must be extremely subtle about it and low key. That’s easier said than done. But it works.

Tell me, please.

Context matters, such as length of marriage, stud of marriage, how well you know your wife, whether your wife is attractive, whether you and she have kids, what her sexual history is, and how often you have sex. My wife istarted cheating about six months into her new teleommuting schedule. My first clue was that she was talking about a particular guy at work a lot more frequently. The next clue was that our frequency of sex dropped (her decision). Something was weird. On a hunch, I checked the mileage of her car and there were aberrations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To catch a cheating wife, you must be extremely subtle about it and low key. That’s easier said than done. But it works.

Tell me, please.

Context matters, such as length of marriage, stud of marriage, how well you know your wife, whether your wife is attractive, whether you and she have kids, what her sexual history is, and how often you have sex. My wife istarted cheating about six months into her new teleommuting schedule. My first clue was that she was talking about a particular guy at work a lot more frequently. The next clue was that our frequency of sex dropped (her decision). Something was weird. On a hunch, I checked the mileage of her car and there were aberrations.

^ state of marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another iPhone tip - turn off frequent locations. Your phone keeps a log of every place you go, and tracks the amount of time you spend there.



https://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/your-iphone-knows-exactly-where-youve-been-and-this-is-how-t?utm_content=buffer507b0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer&utm_term=.cdxyX1rxw#.uc6X34YjV

Yup. That was one of the pieces of evidence I compiled as my vague concern matured into outright suspicious. She is very tech unskilled.

Yeah, and if location services get turned off, that’s a red flag that there’s something being hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another iPhone tip - turn off frequent locations. Your phone keeps a log of every place you go, and tracks the amount of time you spend there.



https://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/your-iphone-knows-exactly-where-youve-been-and-this-is-how-t?utm_content=buffer507b0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer&utm_term=.cdxyX1rxw#.uc6X34YjV

Yup. That was one of the pieces of evidence I compiled as my vague concern matured into outright suspicious. She is very tech unskilled.

Yeah, and if location services get turned off, that’s a red flag that there’s something being hidden.

Or, that they just prefer not to be tracked.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely possible. I did it successfully for years in my first marriage (which ended in a divorce I initiated after catching him cheating). The thrill of having that secret was incentive enough to keep it, in my case. It was fun and relatively easy, and the sex was much better with my AP.

Just because something is possible doesn't mean it is worth doing, though, and although I have no regrets I don't think it's worth the risk in OP's case. It sounds like the cost of getting caught - probable divorce - is completely intolerable, in which case I wouldn't even take the risk. In the unlikely event something goes wrong and a divorce results, OP's regrets would likely outweigh any happy memories of the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:somehow my husband became suspicious. I laughed it off, but omg, I was stunned.

+1. Only met abroad. I was shocked when he picked up on it and accused me. I stumbled over my explanation and I know he saw right through me. I regret all of it

Why get married and have kids to do all that. Stay single and date if that's your thing. I've seen women that no one would expect to hire PI's, trackers on partners car etc. They knew there were red flags and didn't want to be stuck year with some horrible spouse. Those are smart women. Men should do the same. Really no excuse for any cheater. You have options, but cheating is abuse and that's inexcusable.

I know plenty of marriages where people cheat and have happy normal life, including my parents and grandparents. If it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it doesn't work for others. I chose no cheating because it's my preference not because of some particular beliefs.

Interesting. I don't know any families where cheating is the norm.

[Anonymous]

My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

You cannot blame your thoughts of suicide on your cheating spouse. Get some help now. Life is tough, you need to develop mechanisms to help you deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

You cannot blame your thoughts of suicide on your cheating spouse. Get some help now. Life is tough, you need to develop mechanisms to help you deal with it.

Totally missed the point. I know that my reaction is extreme and unhealthy. Just realize that you don't know how people will react. There are plenty of others that are more fragile than I am. Just don't cheat. If you have to move on then do so. Just try not to be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

You cannot blame your thoughts of suicide on your cheating spouse. Get some help now. Life is tough, you need to develop mechanisms to help you deal with it.

Totally missed the point. I know that my reaction is extreme and unhealthy. Just realize that you don't know how people will react. There are plenty of others that are more fragile than I am. Just don't cheat. If you have to move on then do so. Just try not to be cruel.

My ex wife and I entered counseling because we were constantly fighting. Every single night was a huge argument. At the time we had three kids under 7, I'd just been made Director at work (which entailed insane hours), and my wife was traveling constantly. I assumed this was just all those resistors coming to head, but, lo and behold, during counseling my wife admitted to sleeping with her ex bf 'a few times.' I never got an honest answer to what that meant and the therapist stated that it was 'irrelevant' for me to know). I was completely blind sided. Literally, my life fell apart in an office in Arlington while I sat on a couch. Surprisingly, my wife wanted to work things out. I agreed to more sessions mostly out of shell shock. In the next two or three sessions the therapist blamed me for my wife's affair. I wasn't as understanding as her bf was about how tough this stage of life is, etc. Like, I wasn't living it too. It was surreal. I couldn't believe this therapist had a license.

Anyway, thats years ago and I don't care anymore. Hang in there buddy. There are decent people out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

You cannot blame your thoughts of suicide on your cheating spouse. Get some help now. Life is tough, you need to develop mechanisms to help you deal with it.

Totally missed the point. I know that my reaction is extreme and unhealthy. Just realize that you don't know how people will react. There are plenty of others that are more fragile than I am. Just don't cheat. If you have to move on then do so. Just try not to be cruel.

You are giving a compelling reason to actually want to cheat as you feel horrible after five years, which can't be good for the marriage or healthy relationship. Threat of suicide is blackmail and is a reason to leave a relationship, not stay in it.

[Anonymous]

IMO it is far more difficult now than it was 25 years ago. Cell phones alone have removed the ability to be out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO it is far more difficult now than it was 25 years ago. Cell phones alone have removed the ability to be out of touch.

Yep. Computer history, car gps history, social media connections, linkedin, etc.

Twenty years ago you could meet an ex for sex a few times a year and there was zero digital record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife cheated on me over five years ago and I still feel horrible. I was shamed and embarrassed -even by the marriage counselor. The focus was on my wife's feelings. If I said something it was just my ego talking and I needed to talk with a therapist because it was silly. I already hated myself, but now more than ever before.

If it wasn't for having a kid, taking my own life would be more of an option than before.

All I ask is that you think about what you are doing. Some people really take marriage seriously and this can be devistaving. They may react better than I do, but it's a possibility they will not. You might have a dead spouse on your hands.

You cannot blame your thoughts of suicide on your cheating spouse. Get some help now. Life is tough, you need to develop mechanisms to help you deal with it.

Totally missed the point. I know that my reaction is extreme and unhealthy. Just realize that you don't know how people will react. There are plenty of others that are more fragile than I am. Just don't cheat. If you have to move on then do so. Just try not to be cruel.

My ex wife and I entered counseling because we were constantly fighting. Every single night was a huge argument. At the time we had three kids under 7, I'd just been made Director at work (which entailed insane hours), and my wife was traveling constantly. I assumed this was just all those resistors coming to head, but, lo and behold, during counseling my wife admitted to sleeping with her ex bf 'a few times.' I never got an honest answer to what that meant and the therapist stated that it was 'irrelevant' for me to know). I was completely blind sided. Literally, my life fell apart in an office in Arlington while I sat on a couch. Surprisingly, my wife wanted to work things out. I agreed to more sessions mostly out of shell shock. In the next two or three sessions the therapist blamed me for my wife's affair. I wasn't as understanding as her bf was about how tough this stage of life is, etc. Like, I wasn't living it too. It was surreal. I couldn't believe this therapist had a license.

Anyway, thats years ago and I don't care anymore. Hang in there buddy. There are decent people out there.

I wasn't allowed to talk poorly about the AP because that hurt my DW's feelings. The fact that she was having an affair with a piece of broke white trash somehow made her poor white trash and I was just saying that because my ego was bruised and I needed to get over it. Finding the right counselor is essential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO it is far more difficult now than it was 25 years ago. Cell phones alone have removed the ability to be out of touch.

Yep. Computer history, car gps history, social media connections, linkedin, etc.

Twenty years ago you could meet an ex for sex a few times a year and there was zero digital record.

I’m used to living in the digital age, so it’s not a big deal to me. Covering my tracks is instinctive. Use private browser, so there’s no computer history. Don’t use car gps ever. Never ever add APs on social media. Block them and keep your profile private. And use hookup app to find a partner who is in a convenient location - near office for lunch time quickie, or close to hardware store so that you can get off while running errands. No need to wait for a couple times a year, plan well and get all the sex you want.

If you’re cheating on a business trip, FaceTime your spouse to say goodnight while AP waits in bathroom.