WWYD? Serious BF dropped a bombshell on me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply acknowledge the benefits of having a parent stay home. Then raise your very valid (!) concerns and why families usually need both parent to work. Depending on your earning capacity, I would ask if he would want to stay home if it's so important to him. Presumably, he would say no for x,y, z reasons and you say "I feel the same for x,y,z reasons." He will either drop it and acknowledge that he needs to read up on gender dynamics.

I personally would not stay home nor have my spouse stay home. I have worked my ass off for my career and would not be a good SAHM. Also I make more money. Finally, I would be disgusted if my husband assumed that i should be the stay at home parent because i was a woman. I probably wouldn't raise kids with him.

Well, but see - I don't see anything in your little essay here about your actual children, their feelings or their needs. So, please, don't have them as odds are their lives will be, or are, miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

hmm. And this doesn't worry you? 40 and never married? I'd wonder why not. Commitment phobe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply acknowledge the benefits of having a parent stay home. Then raise your very valid (!) concerns and why families usually need both parent to work. Depending on your earning capacity, I would ask if he would want to stay home if it's so important to him. Presumably, he would say no for x,y, z reasons and you say "I feel the same for x,y,z reasons." He will either drop it and acknowledge that he needs to read up on gender dynamics.

I personally would not stay home nor have my spouse stay home. I have worked my ass off for my career and would not be a good SAHM. Also I make more money. Finally, I would be disgusted if my husband assumed that i should be the stay at home parent because i was a woman. I probably wouldn't raise kids with him.

Well, but see - I don't see anything in your little essay here about your actual children, their feelings or their needs. So, please, don't have them as odds are their lives will be, or are, miserable.

Wow, it took until page 5 for the mommy wars to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

40 is fine. He might know what he wants in life though so that might be where his thoughts come from - it explains a lot really.
If this was coming from a younger guy it might be weird, but from a more mature guy it makes more sense.
I would just decide if this is a life you would like. If not you could negotiate and if he doesn't go for it you move on.

[Anonymous]

It is not wrong of him to want a SAH parent for his children.

It is not wrong of her to want to work.

Perhaps the two of them are not meant to be if they can't find an agreement about this.

Stop calling him controlling or damaged. I swear, women on here give women a bad name.

Signed,

a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

red alert

[Anonymous]

NP. You don't think it's controlling for him to have this idea in his head of how things are going to go? He's obviously looking for any woman who will fit into his ideal instead of the other way around. I've known guys like this, who go around with a checklist in their heads. I don't think it's a healthy way to approach a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply acknowledge the benefits of having a parent stay home. Then raise your very valid (!) concerns and why families usually need both parent to work. Depending on your earning capacity, I would ask if he would want to stay home if it's so important to him. Presumably, he would say no for x,y, z reasons and you say "I feel the same for x,y,z reasons." He will either drop it and acknowledge that he needs to read up on gender dynamics.

I personally would not stay home nor have my spouse stay home. I have worked my ass off for my career and would not be a good SAHM. Also I make more money. Finally, I would be disgusted if my husband assumed that i should be the stay at home parent because i was a woman. I probably wouldn't raise kids with him.

Well, but see - I don't see anything in your little essay here about your actual children, their feelings or their needs. So, please, don't have them as odds are their lives will be, or are, miserable.

Wow, it took until page 5 for the mommy wars to start.

But it's not 'mommy wars' - she says she wouldn't want her DH to stay home with the kids either. She wants them both working long hours. This is not a great environment in which to raise children. The world is way over populated and there is no reason to have them if you want to keep working nonstop. Even if you're rich and have servants the kids always end up having issues when there is little parental contact or interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

red alert

No. It's fine. Most men don't even really mature until late 30's or early 40's anyway.
Though hopefully he isn't 'set in his ways'. He must have had numerous girlfriends so he can't be that inflexible.

[Anonymous]

He likely just wants a stable home life for his future family given his father's abandonment. He may think that having a SAHM means having a stable and loving home -- when in reality, that's not the only way to provide a stable, loving home for your children (and in some cases, it may create exactly the opposite situation). And he may feel differently after getting to know OP more. If he views her as being a loving, family-focused, dependable person in general, he may not be so rigid on the SAH issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

How old are you and what phase career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

red alert

No. It's fine. Most men don't even really mature until late 30's or early 40's anyway.
Though hopefully he isn't 'set in his ways'. He must have had numerous girlfriends so he can't be that inflexible.

At 40, in a high-earning career, with apparently quite rigid and traditional viewpoints of how families should run, plus ostentatiously "chivalrous" behavior ... yeah, this all adds up to a picture of a very PARTICULAR sort of guy. Who could be a great match for some women. But should probably give a woman looking for an equal partner in parenting & home-making the heebie jeebies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just out of curiosity how old is he?

40

and since I know someone will ask, no he's never been married.

red alert

No. It's fine. Most men don't even really mature until late 30's or early 40's anyway.
Though hopefully he isn't 'set in his ways'. He must have had numerous girlfriends so he can't be that inflexible.

Doesn't mature? He will be 60 at his first kids high school graduation minimum

[Anonymous]

Unless you have a real career, which is more than just a job, then I wouldn't see this as a deal breaker. He sounds like a real good guy and over time he might change.