WWYD? Serious BF dropped a bombshell on me

[Anonymous]

If this isn't want you want, leave him. There are plenty of women who want to be SAHMs and he can find one of those to marry while you find someone who is happy with you working outside of the home.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is MY childhood hangup but I would love a man who wanted me to stay home with our children. My mom did with me and didn't with my brother (he is 6 years younger than me) and there is a MARKED difference in the two of us (I am more successful, he is a failure to launch) and I attribute at least some of that to my mom being my primary caretaker until I went to school.

[Anonymous]

Since he didn't propose, what's the big deal? Plus, he probably doesn't have a clue what he wants now, unless he is really rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is MY childhood hangup but I would love a man who wanted me to stay home with our children. My mom did with me and didn't with my brother (he is 6 years younger than me) and there is a MARKED difference in the two of us (I am more successful, he is a failure to launch) and I attribute at least some of that to my mom being my primary caretaker until I went to school.

Wow that's shitty of you to blame your mom like that. Your dad bears no responsibility for this , no doubt, in your eyes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he didn't propose, what's the big deal? Plus, he probably doesn't have a clue what he wants now, unless he is really rich?

If this is a deal breaker for either of them and there's no compromise on this issue, then the 6 month point is when you need to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he didn't propose, what's the big deal? Plus, he probably doesn't have a clue what he wants now, unless he is really rich?

If this is a deal breaker for either of them and there's no compromise on this issue, then the 6 month point is when you need to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is MY childhood hangup but I would love a man who wanted me to stay home with our children. My mom did with me and didn't with my brother (he is 6 years younger than me) and there is a MARKED difference in the two of us (I am more successful, he is a failure to launch) and I attribute at least some of that to my mom being my primary caretaker until I went to school.

Do you have children?
I want to point out that I know someone who had a stay at home mom and he’s also a failure to launch.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Op, I'm a SAHM now which is not something that I envisioned myself being when I was younger but it sure works for me and my family now.

You won't really know how you'll handle parenting until you are a parent. Things that seem so off the table now may become distinct possibilities for you down the road.

Dh and I were together for years before we had kids. We both worked, we contributed equally to the bills, we split household chores, etc. When we found out we were expecting a baby it just seemed right at the time for me to quit working to SAH. Dh and I did what worked best for our family. You will, too. And that is all you can promise anyone that you will do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

When the kids are little, being a SAHP is SO far from cushy. I'd go to work for adult conversation and uninterrupted time. This is a difficult job. After the kids are in school though, that's another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

Well, wait. How can it be both cushy and patriarchal and controlling as hell? That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

Well, wait. How can it be both cushy and patriarchal and controlling as hell? That makes no sense.

Have you never heard the term guilded cage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

When the kids are little, being a SAHP is SO far from cushy. I'd go to work for adult conversation and uninterrupted time. This is a difficult job. After the kids are in school though, that's another story.

Not to devolve into mommy war, but working parents with babies is pretty grim too unless you have $$$ and have nanny and night nurses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We talked about it a bit more. He said he sees a future with me and that having a parent (mom) home after kids is his preference but ultimately it would be up to the woman (me). We were talking about it in the abstract to get a little emotional distance from it (he's not proposing yet! lol) but it was obvious we were talking about each other.

After thinking about it some more, I think his position is reasonable. He's allowed to have a preference when it comes to raising his own kids. I said I would think about it some more. Maybe it is something I can get on board with. I *really* like this guy and think he could be the one.

He checks all of my boxes. It's just this one thing that threw me a bit.

Uh yeah because it's patriarchal and controlling as hell. It sounds like you want that, through, and believe that his career is more important and meaningful than yours.

Honestly being a SAHM is one of the cushiness gigs you could have. Might as well go for it.

Well, wait. How can it be both cushy and patriarchal and controlling as hell? That makes no sense.

Have you never heard the term guilded cage?

Oh please. OP is not going to be oppressed marrying a rich guy whose preference is for the mom to stay home. Please. Focus on a real problem