Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are nowhere near ready to have a baby. I don't think you're even ready to TTC. You need to get on the same page about life priorities. Some things to think about:

What kind of job will you be seeking after you finish school? I don't know what CNRA hours are like. Is it shift work? Do you work days or nights? Do you work 3 12s or 4 10s or banker's hours?

When you have children, what kind of maternity leave do you want to take? 6-8 weeks at least is standard for medical reasons, 12 weeks is covered by FMLA at qualified employers. What kind of paternity leave will your DH take? Will he be the kind of dad who takes a couple days off and then is happy to go back to work or will he stay home with you and the baby for a month? What kind of parenting division of labor do you want? Assuming that the "Breastfeeding nursing moms" thread is also you, it sounds like you are prioritizing a parenting style that involves a super-baby who falls asleep on their own, never whines, and requires very little of you. Where is your husband in all of that? Will he take the baby to the doctor? Will he cover sick days? Will he do pick up and drop off at whatever childcare y'all agree on? And what about childcare? Will you find daycare? If so, your work hours are pretty important. I know of very few daycares that were able to accommodate my RN best friend's schedule and her husband wasn't reliably able to do either end, so they had to get a nanny. You mention local family. What is your current relationship with them and to what extent do they want to be involved in your childcare plans?

I would strongly advise that you and your husband sit down and come up with some very specific answers to these questions before you pull the goalie.

Wow, thank you! These are amazing questions! To answer some that I know.

I will be a CRNA after school. I am not sure what hours I will have. I currently work 4 10 hour shifts, but CRNA will be different. I may have to work weekends or work crazy hours. I can't predict my schedule.

I would like to take 12 weeks. My DH can take up to 12 weeks, but will likely take 4-6 weeks. We plan to hire a nanny at some point. I have an amazing relationship with my in-laws, and while they are willing to help, I do not want to take advantage of their generosity.

- That breastfeeding thread isn't me. I am not pregnant or a CRNA yet. We have a general idea of how we would like to raise our children, but we don't have anything set in stone. I think it wildly depends on the child's personality. I also do not have any idea whether I will be breastfeed or formula feed. I don't have a strong opinion either way.

- I hoped there will be shared responsibility, but both of us will be for doctors appointments.

I'm the PP. I'm also the MSW student with the 4 month old baby who posted earlier about how it's hard.

It's hard even with a supportive spouse. It is hard for me to go to work and leave my baby with her caregivers. I trust them. I know them. I adore them. But it's still hard. It's hard for me to work 8-6 and then do school work when I get home, but that is what I do. I try to protect the weekends to the extent possible, but it's not always possible. I comfort myself by reminding myself that a) I'm very committed to my career and b) the stress is temporary. I really wish I'd been able to take more time off to spend with DD, though.

My point with the above list of questions is that when you are talking about having a baby, it's really important that you and your partner are on the same page with the logistical stuff, because if you are out of step there, the emotional stuff is a lot harder. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He is the one bringing me a snack and a baby to kiss and snuggle for 5 minutes when I have to write for 5 hours. He is the one who is doing almost all of the baby doctor appointments. He is the one making sure that our older child does her homework and practices piano and bathes regularly. The reality of my professional situation right now is that I am not able to be as present for my family as I was before/will be in a year. If you think you and your husband can handle that, you need to have a very frank conversation. My husband was hypothetically on board with all of it, but when things really got going, I think he realized that he hadn't fully understood what I meant by "full time job, part time school, part time internship." He didn't realize that what that meant was that he *had* to be available to pick the kids up from their various situations and feed them because I wouldn't be. We don't have any local family or I would've relied on them. We have 2 friends on backup duty for both kids in case something goes wrong for him.

I don't mean to scare you. I just think that if you want to prioritize your career, you need to go kind of hard line with your husband. If he wants to have a baby now, that's fine. You can do it. But he will have to be 2x more present than he probably thinks he has to be.

Op here. He is a supportive partner. He knows he will have to step up but I doubt he realizes how much work having a newborn will be. He is a lawyer and working his way to make partner. He can't just disconnect from work. I feel be doesn't understand that.

I was a nanny in my early 20's. While very different from being a parent, I saw a glimpse into parenthood. I was exhausted after a 10 hour work day dealing with catnaps, babies with acid reflux, babies who needed to be held to sleep, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc. I've had moms voice the tiredness they face of little sleep, some moms who nearly sacrificed their sanity to keep their supply up, their guilt of being gone for so long, etc. I don't think I am ready to experience that full-time first-hand as a parent.

So...you think that is goinfto be easier as a 38 year old than a 35 year old??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are nowhere near ready to have a baby. I don't think you're even ready to TTC. You need to get on the same page about life priorities. Some things to think about:

What kind of job will you be seeking after you finish school? I don't know what CNRA hours are like. Is it shift work? Do you work days or nights? Do you work 3 12s or 4 10s or banker's hours?

When you have children, what kind of maternity leave do you want to take? 6-8 weeks at least is standard for medical reasons, 12 weeks is covered by FMLA at qualified employers. What kind of paternity leave will your DH take? Will he be the kind of dad who takes a couple days off and then is happy to go back to work or will he stay home with you and the baby for a month? What kind of parenting division of labor do you want? Assuming that the "Breastfeeding nursing moms" thread is also you, it sounds like you are prioritizing a parenting style that involves a super-baby who falls asleep on their own, never whines, and requires very little of you. Where is your husband in all of that? Will he take the baby to the doctor? Will he cover sick days? Will he do pick up and drop off at whatever childcare y'all agree on? And what about childcare? Will you find daycare? If so, your work hours are pretty important. I know of very few daycares that were able to accommodate my RN best friend's schedule and her husband wasn't reliably able to do either end, so they had to get a nanny. You mention local family. What is your current relationship with them and to what extent do they want to be involved in your childcare plans?

I would strongly advise that you and your husband sit down and come up with some very specific answers to these questions before you pull the goalie.

Wow, thank you! These are amazing questions! To answer some that I know.

I will be a CRNA after school. I am not sure what hours I will have. I currently work 4 10 hour shifts, but CRNA will be different. I may have to work weekends or work crazy hours. I can't predict my schedule.

I would like to take 12 weeks. My DH can take up to 12 weeks, but will likely take 4-6 weeks. We plan to hire a nanny at some point. I have an amazing relationship with my in-laws, and while they are willing to help, I do not want to take advantage of their generosity.

- That breastfeeding thread isn't me. I am not pregnant or a CRNA yet. We have a general idea of how we would like to raise our children, but we don't have anything set in stone. I think it wildly depends on the child's personality. I also do not have any idea whether I will be breastfeed or formula feed. I don't have a strong opinion either way.

- I hoped there will be shared responsibility, but both of us will be for doctors appointments.

I'm the PP. I'm also the MSW student with the 4 month old baby who posted earlier about how it's hard.

It's hard even with a supportive spouse. It is hard for me to go to work and leave my baby with her caregivers. I trust them. I know them. I adore them. But it's still hard. It's hard for me to work 8-6 and then do school work when I get home, but that is what I do. I try to protect the weekends to the extent possible, but it's not always possible. I comfort myself by reminding myself that a) I'm very committed to my career and b) the stress is temporary. I really wish I'd been able to take more time off to spend with DD, though.

My point with the above list of questions is that when you are talking about having a baby, it's really important that you and your partner are on the same page with the logistical stuff, because if you are out of step there, the emotional stuff is a lot harder. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He is the one bringing me a snack and a baby to kiss and snuggle for 5 minutes when I have to write for 5 hours. He is the one who is doing almost all of the baby doctor appointments. He is the one making sure that our older child does her homework and practices piano and bathes regularly. The reality of my professional situation right now is that I am not able to be as present for my family as I was before/will be in a year. If you think you and your husband can handle that, you need to have a very frank conversation. My husband was hypothetically on board with all of it, but when things really got going, I think he realized that he hadn't fully understood what I meant by "full time job, part time school, part time internship." He didn't realize that what that meant was that he *had* to be available to pick the kids up from their various situations and feed them because I wouldn't be. We don't have any local family or I would've relied on them. We have 2 friends on backup duty for both kids in case something goes wrong for him.

I don't mean to scare you. I just think that if you want to prioritize your career, you need to go kind of hard line with your husband. If he wants to have a baby now, that's fine. You can do it. But he will have to be 2x more present than he probably thinks he has to be.

Op here. He is a supportive partner. He knows he will have to step up but I doubt he realizes how much work having a newborn will be. He is a lawyer and working his way to make partner. He can't just disconnect from work. I feel be doesn't understand that.

I was a nanny in my early 20's. While very different from being a parent, I saw a glimpse into parenthood. I was exhausted after a 10 hour work day dealing with catnaps, babies with acid reflux, babies who needed to be held to sleep, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc. I've had moms voice the tiredness they face of little sleep, some moms who nearly sacrificed their sanity to keep their supply up, their guilt of being gone for so long, etc. I don't think I am ready to experience that full-time first-hand as a parent.

if your husband becomes partner he will be even busier. what you don't seem to realize that, given your plans, your life will be incredibly hectic in the next 10-15 years. you might as well start now. i waited to finish my phd before i got pregnant. it was a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are nowhere near ready to have a baby. I don't think you're even ready to TTC. You need to get on the same page about life priorities. Some things to think about:

What kind of job will you be seeking after you finish school? I don't know what CNRA hours are like. Is it shift work? Do you work days or nights? Do you work 3 12s or 4 10s or banker's hours?

When you have children, what kind of maternity leave do you want to take? 6-8 weeks at least is standard for medical reasons, 12 weeks is covered by FMLA at qualified employers. What kind of paternity leave will your DH take? Will he be the kind of dad who takes a couple days off and then is happy to go back to work or will he stay home with you and the baby for a month? What kind of parenting division of labor do you want? Assuming that the "Breastfeeding nursing moms" thread is also you, it sounds like you are prioritizing a parenting style that involves a super-baby who falls asleep on their own, never whines, and requires very little of you. Where is your husband in all of that? Will he take the baby to the doctor? Will he cover sick days? Will he do pick up and drop off at whatever childcare y'all agree on? And what about childcare? Will you find daycare? If so, your work hours are pretty important. I know of very few daycares that were able to accommodate my RN best friend's schedule and her husband wasn't reliably able to do either end, so they had to get a nanny. You mention local family. What is your current relationship with them and to what extent do they want to be involved in your childcare plans?

I would strongly advise that you and your husband sit down and come up with some very specific answers to these questions before you pull the goalie.

Wow, thank you! These are amazing questions! To answer some that I know.

I will be a CRNA after school. I am not sure what hours I will have. I currently work 4 10 hour shifts, but CRNA will be different. I may have to work weekends or work crazy hours. I can't predict my schedule.

I would like to take 12 weeks. My DH can take up to 12 weeks, but will likely take 4-6 weeks. We plan to hire a nanny at some point. I have an amazing relationship with my in-laws, and while they are willing to help, I do not want to take advantage of their generosity.

- That breastfeeding thread isn't me. I am not pregnant or a CRNA yet. We have a general idea of how we would like to raise our children, but we don't have anything set in stone. I think it wildly depends on the child's personality. I also do not have any idea whether I will be breastfeed or formula feed. I don't have a strong opinion either way.

- I hoped there will be shared responsibility, but both of us will be for doctors appointments.

I'm the PP. I'm also the MSW student with the 4 month old baby who posted earlier about how it's hard.

It's hard even with a supportive spouse. It is hard for me to go to work and leave my baby with her caregivers. I trust them. I know them. I adore them. But it's still hard. It's hard for me to work 8-6 and then do school work when I get home, but that is what I do. I try to protect the weekends to the extent possible, but it's not always possible. I comfort myself by reminding myself that a) I'm very committed to my career and b) the stress is temporary. I really wish I'd been able to take more time off to spend with DD, though.

My point with the above list of questions is that when you are talking about having a baby, it's really important that you and your partner are on the same page with the logistical stuff, because if you are out of step there, the emotional stuff is a lot harder. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He is the one bringing me a snack and a baby to kiss and snuggle for 5 minutes when I have to write for 5 hours. He is the one who is doing almost all of the baby doctor appointments. He is the one making sure that our older child does her homework and practices piano and bathes regularly. The reality of my professional situation right now is that I am not able to be as present for my family as I was before/will be in a year. If you think you and your husband can handle that, you need to have a very frank conversation. My husband was hypothetically on board with all of it, but when things really got going, I think he realized that he hadn't fully understood what I meant by "full time job, part time school, part time internship." He didn't realize that what that meant was that he *had* to be available to pick the kids up from their various situations and feed them because I wouldn't be. We don't have any local family or I would've relied on them. We have 2 friends on backup duty for both kids in case something goes wrong for him.

I don't mean to scare you. I just think that if you want to prioritize your career, you need to go kind of hard line with your husband. If he wants to have a baby now, that's fine. You can do it. But he will have to be 2x more present than he probably thinks he has to be.

Op here. He is a supportive partner. He knows he will have to step up but I doubt he realizes how much work having a newborn will be. He is a lawyer and working his way to make partner. He can't just disconnect from work. I feel be doesn't understand that.

I was a nanny in my early 20's. While very different from being a parent, I saw a glimpse into parenthood. I was exhausted after a 10 hour work day dealing with catnaps, babies with acid reflux, babies who needed to be held to sleep, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc. I've had moms voice the tiredness they face of little sleep, some moms who nearly sacrificed their sanity to keep their supply up, their guilt of being gone for so long, etc. I don't think I am ready to experience that full-time first-hand as a parent.

So...you think that is goinfto be easier as a 38 year old than a 35 year old??

+1
you are merely postponing the chaos, you are not reducing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are nowhere near ready to have a baby. I don't think you're even ready to TTC. You need to get on the same page about life priorities. Some things to think about:

What kind of job will you be seeking after you finish school? I don't know what CNRA hours are like. Is it shift work? Do you work days or nights? Do you work 3 12s or 4 10s or banker's hours?

When you have children, what kind of maternity leave do you want to take? 6-8 weeks at least is standard for medical reasons, 12 weeks is covered by FMLA at qualified employers. What kind of paternity leave will your DH take? Will he be the kind of dad who takes a couple days off and then is happy to go back to work or will he stay home with you and the baby for a month? What kind of parenting division of labor do you want? Assuming that the "Breastfeeding nursing moms" thread is also you, it sounds like you are prioritizing a parenting style that involves a super-baby who falls asleep on their own, never whines, and requires very little of you. Where is your husband in all of that? Will he take the baby to the doctor? Will he cover sick days? Will he do pick up and drop off at whatever childcare y'all agree on? And what about childcare? Will you find daycare? If so, your work hours are pretty important. I know of very few daycares that were able to accommodate my RN best friend's schedule and her husband wasn't reliably able to do either end, so they had to get a nanny. You mention local family. What is your current relationship with them and to what extent do they want to be involved in your childcare plans?

I would strongly advise that you and your husband sit down and come up with some very specific answers to these questions before you pull the goalie.

Wow, thank you! These are amazing questions! To answer some that I know.

I will be a CRNA after school. I am not sure what hours I will have. I currently work 4 10 hour shifts, but CRNA will be different. I may have to work weekends or work crazy hours. I can't predict my schedule.

I would like to take 12 weeks. My DH can take up to 12 weeks, but will likely take 4-6 weeks. We plan to hire a nanny at some point. I have an amazing relationship with my in-laws, and while they are willing to help, I do not want to take advantage of their generosity.

- That breastfeeding thread isn't me. I am not pregnant or a CRNA yet. We have a general idea of how we would like to raise our children, but we don't have anything set in stone. I think it wildly depends on the child's personality. I also do not have any idea whether I will be breastfeed or formula feed. I don't have a strong opinion either way.

- I hoped there will be shared responsibility, but both of us will be for doctors appointments.

I'm the PP. I'm also the MSW student with the 4 month old baby who posted earlier about how it's hard.

It's hard even with a supportive spouse. It is hard for me to go to work and leave my baby with her caregivers. I trust them. I know them. I adore them. But it's still hard. It's hard for me to work 8-6 and then do school work when I get home, but that is what I do. I try to protect the weekends to the extent possible, but it's not always possible. I comfort myself by reminding myself that a) I'm very committed to my career and b) the stress is temporary. I really wish I'd been able to take more time off to spend with DD, though.

My point with the above list of questions is that when you are talking about having a baby, it's really important that you and your partner are on the same page with the logistical stuff, because if you are out of step there, the emotional stuff is a lot harder. My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He is the one bringing me a snack and a baby to kiss and snuggle for 5 minutes when I have to write for 5 hours. He is the one who is doing almost all of the baby doctor appointments. He is the one making sure that our older child does her homework and practices piano and bathes regularly. The reality of my professional situation right now is that I am not able to be as present for my family as I was before/will be in a year. If you think you and your husband can handle that, you need to have a very frank conversation. My husband was hypothetically on board with all of it, but when things really got going, I think he realized that he hadn't fully understood what I meant by "full time job, part time school, part time internship." He didn't realize that what that meant was that he *had* to be available to pick the kids up from their various situations and feed them because I wouldn't be. We don't have any local family or I would've relied on them. We have 2 friends on backup duty for both kids in case something goes wrong for him.

I don't mean to scare you. I just think that if you want to prioritize your career, you need to go kind of hard line with your husband. If he wants to have a baby now, that's fine. You can do it. But he will have to be 2x more present than he probably thinks he has to be.

Op here. He is a supportive partner. He knows he will have to step up but I doubt he realizes how much work having a newborn will be. He is a lawyer and working his way to make partner. He can't just disconnect from work. I feel be doesn't understand that.

I was a nanny in my early 20's. While very different from being a parent, I saw a glimpse into parenthood. I was exhausted after a 10 hour work day dealing with catnaps, babies with acid reflux, babies who needed to be held to sleep, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc. I've had moms voice the tiredness they face of little sleep, some moms who nearly sacrificed their sanity to keep their supply up, their guilt of being gone for so long, etc. I don't think I am ready to experience that full-time first-hand as a parent.

OP, I think that you need to think very hard about that. There are a limited number of answers for you.

1) Postpone your career. Maybe hate yourself. Please your husband and family though.
2) Postpone having a baby, potentially permanently. Piss off husband and family.
3) Have baby in school. Risk having difficult pregnancy. Possibly end up with #1 anyway. Feel stressed out.

I feel like option #3 is really your best bet, timing-wise. Find a childcare situation you can count on. Have as many conversations with your husband as necessary until y'all are on the same page.

GOOD LUCK. You'll need it.

[Anonymous]

Why not wait for school until all your kids are in school?

[Anonymous]

You sound incredibly immature.

[Anonymous]

I second the poster who said to TTC during your second year if school. You can try and plan it around or after graduation, then get a job when you decide to go back to work. Having a baby is hard work, but I think the stressful route is waiting until you get out of school. I got pregnant at 34 in the my 4th year of my PharmD program. Having a child during would have been extremely difficult. I had my DD a month after I got my PharmD, and wait until she was 4 months to get my first pharmacy job. I got pregnant with my DS when my DD was 10 months old. I am now 37 and don't regret it. Waiting was the best choice. Do what makes sense for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not wait for school until all your kids are in school?

Op here. It's a very hard program to get into. I am eager to start my career now. I don't want to be 40 and in school. I will also have a greater salary, which means more money for childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly immature.

You sound like a bully. You're the immature one for coming on a thread just to call someone names. Grow up. Stay off the thread if you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not wait for school until all your kids are in school?

Op here. It's a very hard program to get into. I am eager to start my career now. I don't want to be 40 and in school. I will also have a greater salary, which means more money for childcare.

Are you already accepted? For 2018? Seems early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly immature.

You sound like a bully. You're the immature one for coming on a thread just to call someone names. Grow up. Stay off the thread if you don't like it.

Actually, I agree with this immature comment. Her responses seem very naive. She wants it all, at once.
Real life doesn't work like that. Then she admits her DH is pressuring her and she doesn't want a kid...wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not wait for school until all your kids are in school?

Op here. It's a very hard program to get into. I am eager to start my career now. I don't want to be 40 and in school. I will also have a greater salary, which means more money for childcare.

But not everything is all about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly immature.

You sound like a bully. You're the immature one for coming on a thread just to call someone names. Grow up. Stay off the thread if you don't like it.

Actually, I agree with this immature comment. Her responses seem very naive. She wants it all, at once.
Real life doesn't work like that. Then she admits her DH is pressuring her and she doesn't want a kid...wtf

+1 (or 2, I guess). OP is coming across as pretty clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not wait for school until all your kids are in school?

Op here. It's a very hard program to get into. I am eager to start my career now. I don't want to be 40 and in school. I will also have a greater salary, which means more money for childcare.

you are eager to star you career now so you can't have the baby. but in 7 years you will be eager to continue the career and will be raising three children! how do you plan to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly immature.

You sound like a bully. You're the immature one for coming on a thread just to call someone names. Grow up. Stay off the thread if you don't like it.

Actually, I agree with this immature comment. Her responses seem very naive. She wants it all, at once.
Real life doesn't work like that. Then she admits her DH is pressuring her and she doesn't want a kid...wtf

+1 (or 2, I guess). OP is coming across as pretty clueless

You people make me laugh. You teach your children not to call others names, but do it yourself. It's still not okay to call others names on other threads. Grow up and be the example you set for your children. Two wrongs don't make a right.