Feeling slight guilt by the marrying white trend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

One possibility is that you are sad to lose the chance to bring up your kids the way you were brought up, to have an Indian home with unspoken understanding of customs, rituals, important dates, the way things ought to be done. Don't underestimate how important that is. Identity is a funny thing, it evolves throughout your life when you immigrate, especially as an adult. Children, in particular, often make you reassess how important your culture is to you.

Oh please go away.Many Indian couples are from different Indian states and cultures unless they had an arranged marriage from the same caste)which is really cringeworthy in this day and age).She can incorporate what she wants and needs as long as she chose a white guy who respects her culture.

You can't make anyone go away unless you're Jeff.

You can't understand this if you're an American born to an American family in America, where everyone around you is just like you, and where your culture is a dominant one.

I am the PP you are referring to and FWIW I am an Indian married to another Indian. People who cling so strongly to their culture and country and it forms their whole identity should not leave their motherland in the first place.

Things happen. People evolve. Things come up that didn't come up before. Life changes. Not everything in life is in neat little boxes of should do that, should not do this. It was just a thought, not a definitive explanation. I am an immigrant married to an immigrant from a different country, and while I do not regret this decision, I do not pretend that it didn't have costs, or that it did not affect my home life. There are as many stories as there are people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should cringe at all.

FWIW, my Indian friends who married other Indians often have significant issues with family life expectations that are not at all....modern. even the ones who chose their spouses themselves. It comes with a lot of baggage about gender roles and family involvement and all that entails. I can't blame anyone for trying to minimize that!

Half-Indian woman here (GenX, my parents were cutting edge back in the day) and this is one of the main reasons I avoided Indian guys. I really didn't want that much parental involvement in my relationship.

+1 East Asian woman here married to a white man. I have never dated an Asian man. It was mostly about the culture and IL drama. I'm too "American" for most of the Asian men that I have met, and they are too "mama's boy" for me. This is just me. I'm sure there are Asian men out there who are not like this but this is what I have experienced, and I grew up in CA. I know several other women like me, and they are all to "American" for Asian men.

Both our families live thousands of miles away. In some ways, we like it, in other ways, we wish they were closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im south Asian and noticed this trend mostly amongst South Indians. My guess is that they're not considered attractive by other south asians and have to seek people outside their race.

That's because South Indians have smaller, more attractive noses. They are also more likely to be thin.

Pffffff have you ever been to south India?? Every other person has a huge wide nose which looks massive bc they are so petite.

Every south Asian knows Pakistanis and North Indians >>>> South Indians.

Muslim Pakistanis are in a bracket of their own, they do not compete with Indians when marriage is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im south Asian and noticed this trend mostly amongst South Indians. My guess is that they're not considered attractive by other south asians and have to seek people outside their race.

That's because South Indians have smaller, more attractive noses. They are also more likely to be thin.

Pffffff have you ever been to south India?? Every other person has a huge wide nose which looks massive bc they are so petite.

Every south Asian knows Pakistanis and North Indians >>>> South Indians.

Muslim Pakistanis are in a bracket of their own, they do not compete with Indians when marriage is concerned.

14% of Indians are muslim, over 100 million people therefore these is some intermarriage in the states. I've attended quite a few of Pakistani bride and Indian groom weddings. Oh and on a side note, as a fair skinned Pakistani I've been approached by many, many, many Indians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im south Asian and noticed this trend mostly amongst South Indians. My guess is that they're not considered attractive by other south asians and have to seek people outside their race.

That's because South Indians have smaller, more attractive noses. They are also more likely to be thin.

Pffffff have you ever been to south India?? Every other person has a huge wide nose which looks massive bc they are so petite.

Every south Asian knows Pakistanis and North Indians >>>> South Indians.

Muslim Pakistanis are in a bracket of their own, they do not compete with Indians when marriage is concerned.

14% of Indians are muslim, over 100 million people therefore these is some intermarriage in the states. I've attended quite a few of Pakistani bride and Indian groom weddings. Oh and on a side note, as a fair skinned Pakistani I've been approached by many, many, many Indians.

It is true that some Indians are Muslim, but as a Pakistani, I'm sure you're well aware of the fact that when most white people say "Indian", they typically mean a non-Muslim Indian.

A marriage between a Pakistani and a Muslim Indian is not really an "intermarriage" in a true sense.

I am having trouble believing that as a Muslim Pakistani, you were approached by many, many, many Indians for marriage. If they were not aware of your religion, that may be true.

[Anonymous]

I guess in a way you may be mourning the lives of your kids not being EXACTLY like yours. I was like this when I married an American. I love him, but the values are different. I don't regret it, but I do sometimes feel sad that some values/culture will be a little different.

Still would do it again, no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I have known such couples, I found that one (or both people) are "unacceptable" or thought they were "unacceptable" to their own race (because of age, looks, attitude,etc) or one or both of these people thought the other culture or race was "better" (which is ridiculous), which is a form of self-loathing. Just my experiences,with many, many couples over the years. You don't need to agree. Just being honest. Marry whomever you like, but I would examine my situation, so you don't bring children into this world with your hang-ups.

This.

Not an Indian girl but a hispanic girl with a white bf of 3 yrs. He hasn't shown any self hatred of being white and neither have I. Only dated another white before and black and hispanic. Never dated an asian or indian guy but if I had developed a crush on them I wouldn't have hesitated to. I think when you see a high amount of a certain race combo is when you have an issue but when the number is low or rare it usually means that couple has true feelings for one another with no insecure issues.

A white girl dating a white man. Nothing to see here.

Hispanics can be any race dummy not just white.

[Anonymous]

If you feel this guilty now just wait until you're grandchildren are white.

[Anonymous]

you should be proud, not embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Most of the minority women I know are married to white men. And most of the minority men I know are dating or married to white women. I think it's natural that if you mostly grew up here in American culture, you aren't going to limit yourself to people of your own race and culture. You're going to date and marry the person you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im south Asian and noticed this trend mostly amongst South Indians. My guess is that they're not considered attractive by other south asians and have to seek people outside their race.

That's because South Indians have smaller, more attractive noses. They are also more likely to be thin.

Pffffff have you ever been to south India?? Every other person has a huge wide nose which looks massive bc they are so petite.

Every south Asian knows Pakistanis and North Indians >>>> South Indians.

Muslim Pakistanis are in a bracket of their own, they do not compete with Indians when marriage is concerned.

I'm a white guy. I dated an Indian once, then I saw how racist they really were. They honestly don't like each other
Very much. Same can be said for Far East Asians as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

One possibility is that you are sad to lose the chance to bring up your kids the way you were brought up, to have an Indian home with unspoken understanding of customs, rituals, important dates, the way things ought to be done. Don't underestimate how important that is. Identity is a funny thing, it evolves throughout your life when you immigrate, especially as an adult. Children, in particular, often make you reassess how important your culture is to you.

Oh please go away.Many Indian couples are from different Indian states and cultures unless they had an arranged marriage from the same caste)which is really cringeworthy in this day and age).She can incorporate what she wants and needs as long as she chose a white guy who respects her culture.

You can't make anyone go away unless you're Jeff.

You can't understand this if you're an American born to an American family in America, where everyone around you is just like you, and where your culture is a dominant one.

DP... I'm Asian, born to immigrant Asian parents, immigrant myself. Grew up surrounded by people "like me". So, I do understand what you are saying. However, I really think you are projecting here. If being surrounded by what is familiar to you is what you want, then certainly you are free to do so. But don't think that this is what everyone wants or needs.

I felt stifled being surrounded by everyone who was the same, went down the same path, married the same kinds of people. I don't want everyone around me to be like me. I like variety. It's the spice of life. It's part of why I was attracted to my European DH who also feels the same, btw. We love exploring different cultures, ethnic foods, travelling, and we love exposing our children to it as well. My biracial kids are doing great in a very diverse part of DC. I love that they are exposed to so many different cultures, people, foods. I wish I had grown up this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel this guilty now just wait until you're grandchildren are white.

Interesting I dated a biracial guy whose mom was always cold to me - I later found out from his sister it's because I am white. I still don't get it, dating a white person is ok for you but not your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

One possibility is that you are sad to lose the chance to bring up your kids the way you were brought up, to have an Indian home with unspoken understanding of customs, rituals, important dates, the way things ought to be done. Don't underestimate how important that is. Identity is a funny thing, it evolves throughout your life when you immigrate, especially as an adult. Children, in particular, often make you reassess how important your culture is to you.

Oh please go away.Many Indian couples are from different Indian states and cultures unless they had an arranged marriage from the same caste)which is really cringeworthy in this day and age).She can incorporate what she wants and needs as long as she chose a white guy who respects her culture.

You can't make anyone go away unless you're Jeff.

You can't understand this if you're an American born to an American family in America, where everyone around you is just like you, and where your culture is a dominant one.

DP... I'm Asian, born to immigrant Asian parents, immigrant myself. Grew up surrounded by people "like me". So, I do understand what you are saying. However, I really think you are projecting here. If being surrounded by what is familiar to you is what you want, then certainly you are free to do so. But don't think that this is what everyone wants or needs.

I felt stifled being surrounded by everyone who was the same, went down the same path, married the same kinds of people. I don't want everyone around me to be like me. I like variety. It's the spice of life. It's part of why I was attracted to my European DH who also feels the same, btw. We love exploring different cultures, ethnic foods, travelling, and we love exposing our children to it as well. My biracial kids are doing great in a very diverse part of DC. I love that they are exposed to so many different cultures, people, foods. I wish I had grown up this way.

You're like the mirror version of me (white American woman) and my husband (Asian whose family immigrated here in his teens). His issue has been that he's always felt like an outsider in his culture, which is one of the most insular and repressive. He was drawn to me because I'm total freedom, I grew up all over the world, and with me he can be free and like himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

I hope not, but this post sounds like it was written by a jealous Indian man. I can assure you that with the amount of baggage, sexism, racism, overbearing in-laws, superstitions, and outdated beliefs that the Indian culture possess that Indian women who are married to white men don't regret it at all. If I'm a modern, Westernized woman why would I want to marry within a culture that treats women as second class citizens? Also, don't even get me started with the family honor and other BS that comes along with Indian culture. Some Indians are quite happy to be free from that nonsense. There is nothing wrong with exclusively dating and marrying white men if that is who you are attractive to. My husband is white and I don't care what other people think about my marriage. What I find cringe worthy is people trying to dictate or control who minority women marry. Minority men can marry whomever they damn well please, but people want to dissect why minority women don't adhere to some cultural stereotypical mating rule. They want us to feel guilty or sorry for not marrying within our ethnic group. Sorry, there is no guilt here!