Feeling slight guilt by the marrying white trend

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad I found another Indian to marry.

[Anonymous]

White woman here. Maybe I'm naive, but are t there more white guys here in DC than Indian guys? The odds were in favor of marrying a white guy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a white woman who has always found Indian men very attractive and dated one very seriously. It didn't work out for other reasons but he and most of his close friends went on to marry Indian women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

Yes. You are right to cringe. Something was off. You were either running to or from something. Figure it out why so it does not wreck your marriage or spill over to the next generation. I do believe you could have found a match out one of the hundreds of millions of Indian men.

Don't listen to this person, they are nuts.

Expecting women to marry within their race is so sexist and creepy. Especially since it's seen as a positive for men to marry outside their race- a black man with a white woman, a white man with an Asian woman, etc.

You are overthinking this. Nobody else cares who you marry.

It's not seen as a positive.

+1 Never heard that this is seen as a positive. Accepted might be a better word.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you KNOW that lighter skin in India is a big thing - the lighter your skin the higher your class.

An Indian friend from school married THE whitest guy ever. They are now bitterly divorced but at least she's got light kids.

You feel guilty because you were operating your life on the basest of instincts.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should cringe at all.

FWIW, my Indian friends who married other Indians often have significant issues with family life expectations that are not at all....modern. even the ones who chose their spouses themselves. It comes with a lot of baggage about gender roles and family involvement and all that entails. I can't blame anyone for trying to minimize that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

Yes. You are right to cringe. Something was off. You were either running to or from something. Figure it out why so it does not wreck your marriage or spill over to the next generation. I do believe you could have found a match out one of the hundreds of millions of Indian men.

But she didn't find an Indian partner-- she found a white guy who she married, so let's all be happy for her and stop "white-shaming" her, m'kay?

[Anonymous]

Question of how she managed to avoid all men of every other race.

[Anonymous]

white men are falling out of favor with everyone except Asian women, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should cringe at all.

FWIW, my Indian friends who married other Indians often have significant issues with family life expectations that are not at all....modern. even the ones who chose their spouses themselves. It comes with a lot of baggage about gender roles and family involvement and all that entails. I can't blame anyone for trying to minimize that!

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:white men are falling out of favor with everyone except Asian women, it seems.

White men aren't falling out of favor with Latin, Caribbean, Arab, African, or Eastern European women, either. Or at least that's my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:im south Asian and noticed this trend mostly amongst South Indians. My guess is that they're not considered attractive by other south asians and have to seek people outside their race.

That's because South Indians have smaller, more attractive noses. They are also more likely to be thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should cringe at all.

FWIW, my Indian friends who married other Indians often have significant issues with family life expectations that are not at all....modern. even the ones who chose their spouses themselves. It comes with a lot of baggage about gender roles and family involvement and all that entails. I can't blame anyone for trying to minimize that!

Half-Indian woman here (GenX, my parents were cutting edge back in the day) and this is one of the main reasons I avoided Indian guys. I really didn't want that much parental involvement in my relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nwdc, all the indian women i know here are married to white men (admittedly, sample size isn't huge); lol, makes sense considering the indian men are with white women (the big sick, masters of none)

There was just an article in WAPO about how it's acceptable in media to have Indian men with white women- such as the big sick and master of none- but Indian women like Mindy Kaling are under fire for being with white men in their shows. It's a double standard, and I'm pretty sure very few Indian men feel guilty about marrying white women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:white men are falling out of favor with everyone except Asian women, it seems.

White men aren't falling out of favor with Latin, Caribbean, Arab, African, or Eastern European women, either. Or at least that's my experience.

White western women are falling out of favor with white western men, there is no doubt about that.