Feeling slight guilt by the marrying white trend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend since the first grade in an Indian girl - both and raised here. She is stunningly beautiful with a brain to go with it. She dated white guys on and off but "came back to her roots" as she says and married a similar north indian she met in college. She has been happily married for 10 years. She tells me her parents would only object to two types as as suitable man for her: any muslim or a black. All others were negotiable....

This is so true! The level of disdain that Indians (Hindu ones) have towards black people and Muslims is quite shocking. What is worst is the way Indians mistreat each other. Caste, region, money, skin complexion, etc. and other interesting factors will determine if Indians would accept you. They are an extremely hateful bunch. Whites are only negotiable if they are from wealthy and upper class families. I always said that you don't know what prejudice is until you have lived in India or in a predominately Desi community. The same folks that will admire me for my light complexion would turn around and mistreat someone else because of their dark complexion. Colorism is a complex issue within the Indian culture. The obsession with skin complexion is quite disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian woman and I find it slightly embarrassing that myself, my sister and our 3 close friends have all always exclusively dated and wound up marrying white preppy men.

Yes of course if you ask us why, we'll say, " love is color blind!" But somehow I can't help but wonder at the underlying self-racism that must be deeply seated in each of our psyche. It's not like we were all born here. We each immigrated to the U.S when old enough to know our roots and culture. I am very happy in my relationship and so are the rest of the women I reference, but sometimes I look at photographs of the pairs of us and cringe.

One possibility is that you are sad to lose the chance to bring up your kids the way you were brought up, to have an Indian home with unspoken understanding of customs, rituals, important dates, the way things ought to be done. Don't underestimate how important that is. Identity is a funny thing, it evolves throughout your life when you immigrate, especially as an adult. Children, in particular, often make you reassess how important your culture is to you.

Oh please go away.Many Indian couples are from different Indian states and cultures unless they had an arranged marriage from the same caste)which is really cringeworthy in this day and age).She can incorporate what she wants and needs as long as she chose a white guy who respects her culture.

You can't make anyone go away unless you're Jeff.

You can't understand this if you're an American born to an American family in America, where everyone around you is just like you, and where your culture is a dominant one.

DP... I'm Asian, born to immigrant Asian parents, immigrant myself. Grew up surrounded by people "like me". So, I do understand what you are saying. However, I really think you are projecting here. If being surrounded by what is familiar to you is what you want, then certainly you are free to do so. But don't think that this is what everyone wants or needs.

I felt stifled being surrounded by everyone who was the same, went down the same path, married the same kinds of people. I don't want everyone around me to be like me. I like variety. It's the spice of life. It's part of why I was attracted to my European DH who also feels the same, btw. We love exploring different cultures, ethnic foods, travelling, and we love exposing our children to it as well. My biracial kids are doing great in a very diverse part of DC. I love that they are exposed to so many different cultures, people, foods. I wish I had grown up this way.

I'm not offering a diagnosis. I'm raising just one possibility among a thousand others. I don't believe I suggested that this is what everyone wants or needs.

One can be happy with diversity and still feel a bit of wistfulness about losing something. It's not an either/or proposition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend since the first grade in an Indian girl - both and raised here. She is stunningly beautiful with a brain to go with it. She dated white guys on and off but "came back to her roots" as she says and married a similar north indian she met in college. She has been happily married for 10 years. She tells me her parents would only object to two types as as suitable man for her: any muslim or a black. All others were negotiable....

This is so true! The level of disdain that Indians (Hindu ones) have towards black people and Muslims is quite shocking. What is worst is the way Indians mistreat each other. Caste, region, money, skin complexion, etc. and other interesting factors will determine if Indians would accept you. They are an extremely hateful bunch. Whites are only negotiable if they are from wealthy and upper class families. I always said that you don't know what prejudice is until you have lived in India or in a predominately Desi community. The same folks that will admire me for my light complexion would turn around and mistreat someone else because of their dark complexion. Colorism is a complex issue within the Indian culture. The obsession with skin complexion is quite disturbing.

You can feel no disdain toward someone yet at the same time feel they are unsuitable for marriage. It's not a crime to not wish the perils of mixed marriages on your children. Why is it a taboo to say marrying a person from another culture may have its own set of problems?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When I have known such couples, I found that one (or both people) are "unacceptable" or thought they were "unacceptable" to their own race (because of age, looks, attitude,etc) or one or both of these people thought the other culture or race was "better" (which is ridiculous), which is a form of self-loathing. Just my experiences,with many, many couples over the years. You don't need to agree. Just being honest. Marry whomever you like, but I would examine my situation, so you don't bring children into this world with your hang-ups.

This.

Not an Indian girl but a hispanic girl with a white bf of 3 yrs. He hasn't shown any self hatred of being white and neither have I. Only dated another white before and black and hispanic. Never dated an asian or indian guy but if I had developed a crush on them I wouldn't have hesitated to. I think when you see a high amount of a certain race combo is when you have an issue but when the number is low or rare it usually means that couple has true feelings for one another with no insecure issues.

A white girl dating a white man. Nothing to see here.

Hispanics can be any race dummy not just white.

For this reason I think listing Hispanic/Latino as a racial classification is stupid. Should would start making former Bristish and French colonies their own race?

[Anonymous]

jeeezus krist, give me a break, self loathing etc?

there is way too much thinking going on here. I'm a white blue-eyed woman and I've always been attracted to brown eyes. It's just my thing. Could be any race but must have brown eyes.

I don't go around worried about some deep seated self loathing I may have about myself as a blue-eyed person.

It's probably more like that I imprinted on Ricky Ricardo at a young age.

Girls tend to imprint on a type....maybe there was some man in your life (or on TV) that made a positive impression on you as someone who would be a great mate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:jeeezus krist, give me a break, self loathing etc?

there is way too much thinking going on here. I'm a white blue-eyed woman and I've always been attracted to brown eyes. It's just my thing. Could be any race but must have brown eyes.

I don't go around worried about some deep seated self loathing I may have about myself as a blue-eyed person.

It's probably more like that I imprinted on Ricky Ricardo at a young age.

Girls tend to imprint on a type....maybe there was some man in your life (or on TV) that made a positive impression on you as someone who would be a great mate.

White people shouldn't speak on things they know nothing about. This discussion isn't meant for you .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:jeeezus krist, give me a break, self loathing etc?

there is way too much thinking going on here. I'm a white blue-eyed woman and I've always been attracted to brown eyes. It's just my thing. Could be any race but must have brown eyes.

I don't go around worried about some deep seated self loathing I may have about myself as a blue-eyed person.

It's probably more like that I imprinted on Ricky Ricardo at a young age.

Girls tend to imprint on a type....maybe there was some man in your life (or on TV) that made a positive impression on you as someone who would be a great mate.

I think you mean well, but being attracted to brown eyes isn't anywhere near the same as marrying interculturally. Not even close. Now I think OP is being a little dramatic an you can count me in the camp of if she married her husband for the right reasons she shouldn't be embarrassed and she should have thought about how they would balance things in their home to raise their kids with two cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:jeeezus krist, give me a break, self loathing etc?

there is way too much thinking going on here. I'm a white blue-eyed woman and I've always been attracted to brown eyes. It's just my thing. Could be any race but must have brown eyes.

I don't go around worried about some deep seated self loathing I may have about myself as a blue-eyed person.

It's probably more like that I imprinted on Ricky Ricardo at a young age.

Girls tend to imprint on a type....maybe there was some man in your life (or on TV) that made a positive impression on you as someone who would be a great mate.

I think you mean well, but being attracted to brown eyes isn't anywhere near the same as marrying interculturally. Not even close. Now I think OP is being a little dramatic an you can count me in the camp of if she married her husband for the right reasons she shouldn't be embarrassed and she should have thought about how they would balance things in their home to raise their kids with two cultures.

Its obvious op didnt marry her husband for the right reasons since she said that the deep seated racism in her and friends pushed them to marry white and now she feels guilt. Maybe she pushed away indians or other minorities to date and only dated white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend since the first grade in an Indian girl - both and raised here. She is stunningly beautiful with a brain to go with it. She dated white guys on and off but "came back to her roots" as she says and married a similar north indian she met in college. She has been happily married for 10 years. She tells me her parents would only object to two types as as suitable man for her: any muslim or a black. All others were negotiable....

This is so true! The level of disdain that Indians (Hindu ones) have towards black people and Muslims is quite shocking. What is worst is the way Indians mistreat each other. Caste, region, money, skin complexion, etc. and other interesting factors will determine if Indians would accept you. They are an extremely hateful bunch. Whites are only negotiable if they are from wealthy and upper class families. I always said that you don't know what prejudice is until you have lived in India or in a predominately Desi community. The same folks that will admire me for my light complexion would turn around and mistreat someone else because of their dark complexion. Colorism is a complex issue within the Indian culture. The obsession with skin complexion is quite disturbing.

Well i heard hydroquinone was banned in asia bc so many stores sold lightening cream and it had adverse side effects on a lot of women who wanted light skin

[Anonymous]

I find a lot of Asian cultures backwards, not progressive and archaic. I've dated Persian women before that try to hide their relationship from their family because I'm a white male with green eyes. They show me off to friends but no family. I've dated Korean and Vietnamese women too and while their families were nice to me and "welcomingL, they insisted on their native language around me and didn't want me to know they were saying. I've pretty much dated every race and found Latin women families the most accepting and welcoming. Women from Eastern Europe were next, and I ended up liking their families more than the actual women one time...

Anyways, just my experience and I'm not into drama that's unnecessary so I put a perm-ban on dating Asian women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find a lot of Asian cultures backwards, not progressive and archaic. I've dated Persian women before that try to hide their relationship from their family because I'm a white male with green eyes. They show me off to friends but no family. I've dated Korean and Vietnamese women too and while their families were nice to me and "welcomingL, they insisted on their native language around me and didn't want me to know they were saying. I've pretty much dated every race and found Latin women families the most accepting and welcoming. Women from Eastern Europe were next, and I ended up liking their families more than the actual women one time...

Anyways, just my experience and I'm not into drama that's unnecessary so I put a perm-ban on dating Asian women.

Have you every dated an AA or other black woman?

[Anonymous]

I am asian married to a white guy. My DH is a software engineer. I feel cliche sometimes but what can I do? When I was younger I wanted to "fit in" and gravitated toward mainstream ideals. Now I am older and more confident in myself but I think that had to do with who I gravitated toward. But it's also individual and I am happy with who I ended up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find a lot of Asian cultures backwards, not progressive and archaic. I've dated Persian women before that try to hide their relationship from their family because I'm a white male with green eyes. They show me off to friends but no family. I've dated Korean and Vietnamese women too and while their families were nice to me and "welcomingL, they insisted on their native language around me and didn't want me to know they were saying. I've pretty much dated every race and found Latin women families the most accepting and welcoming. Women from Eastern Europe were next, and I ended up liking their families more than the actual women one time...

Anyways, just my experience and I'm not into drama that's unnecessary so I put a perm-ban on dating Asian women.

Have you every dated an AA or other black woman?

Yes, more than once.. not really long enough to get involved with family politics, but my race wasn't and issue with any of them either. One woman was from Ethiopia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find a lot of Asian cultures backwards, not progressive and archaic. I've dated Persian women before that try to hide their relationship from their family because I'm a white male with green eyes. They show me off to friends but no family. I've dated Korean and Vietnamese women too and while their families were nice to me and "welcomingL, they insisted on their native language around me and didn't want me to know they were saying. I've pretty much dated every race and found Latin women families the most accepting and welcoming. Women from Eastern Europe were next, and I ended up liking their families more than the actual women one time...

Anyways, just my experience and I'm not into drama that's unnecessary so I put a perm-ban on dating Asian women.

That's not why, they don't care if you're blue with yellow eyes, they hide you from family because they know they are expected to marry within their community.

[Anonymous]

Sad thread. I'm black (second-gen African) and have only ever dated black. The black men I've dated have been diverse in terms of ethnicities and nationalities but have always shared my race. Before I started my current relationship I considered branching out but never actually pulled the trigger. I guess I just don't find other groups as attractive?