Never do a DNA test if you don't want the answers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful story OP, please keep us informed when you get back!

Kind of a personal question... so your mom cheated on your dad then? Or was she already pregnant when they got together?

My mom and dad were already on rocky ground at that point. My birth dad had an appointment at their house through his work, he had a sweet southern accent. My mom felt alone and this sweet southern guy was giving her attention. It was the perfect storm. So yes, they both had an affair.

I will definitely repost after the trip. I feel blessed. I have no issues about how I came to be. 2 people made a bad choice but something good came of it.

That is a lovely way to view it, always keep your glass is half full view of this (as you know you'll always have naysayers who disapprove).

I hope I wasn't being too nosy when I asked about your mom cheating, this whole situation though is just so fascinating.
Imagine if you'd never done that DNA test??

Oh, no worries! If I was worried about it, I shouldn't have posted, you were just fine. It's facts from 50 years ago, who cares right? Was it right? Of course not but it happened I'm here. I cannot cast the first stone and of all people, I'm the one most affected and I've forgiven her so I hope she can forgive herself.

Ok, thanks.
Even though this is an anonymous site, I still always try to be as respectful as I'd want others to be towards me.

Like I said, your story is absolutely fascinating & I hope you've been documenting each detail of your journey?
This would make for an award winning documentary, no doubt.
Have you considered possibly writing a book after your father & their mother passes? You can always write it under a pen name, as well.

It's truly remarkable how DNA tests can change a perception you've had your entire life within seconds.

Have you seen this wonderful video?
I cry every single gosh darn time I watch it without fail, lol.
I've also watched each of the videos in their entirety of all of the folks within this one.

https://youtu.be/tyaEQEmt5ls

Yes, I also try to respect others' feelings and opinions. You never know what they have gone through. Anonymity does not give license for rudeness and disrespect. So I am with you on that.

I have journaled since I started my DNA test, not exactly expecting this type of an outcome. It was more for my children so that they could also take a journey into realizing who they are. In all of my life, I never realized taking a DNA test would change things so dramatically. I went through the whole range of emotions: Disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, not knowing my true identity, forgiveness (not an emotion but putting it in there because it is key to accepting your past), anxiety (in finding my BD), joy, excitement and now anticipation. I believe I should write a book on this and just use a pen name as I hope to give not only hope to those searching, but also helping them have the tools and knowledge that it may not go as planned.

The hardest part of all of this is realizing that the Dad that I have always known as dad is technically my step dad, though he is so very much more to me and will always be "Dad." As you know, he is in hospice, so I go down there often, never knowing whether it will be the last time I see him. As I look at him, I can't help but feel a little sadness over the situation yet glad that he does not know, for his sake. I am actually a little relieved that my children did not inherit the dysfunctions of that side of the family, as there was some very serious problems on that side of the family, 4/7 of my dad's siblings and his father having very severe dysfunction in their lives due to their "disease" is all that I will call it. So the good in a crazy situation is that that is not a part of my children's DNA and that my dad has been a very loving grandfather to them. Then realizing that not only are my newly found brothers half brothers, but so are the rest of my siblings. So I was feeling like I was just an island, until I realized I'm more like a connector between both families and am blessed to have new, loving siblings and their families in my life. This is actually the first that I have put to words the emotional process that I went through. I should start doing that a little more in my journaling as it was really only journaled day-to-day. The next 2 weeks will prove to be very emotional yet filled with joy. I will go see the grave of my BD while I am there just to make peace in my own mind. I will get to know my brothers, sisters in law and their families. Oh, and we will hit the beach while we are there because..........beach.

[Anonymous]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/lifestyle/she-thought-she-was-irish-until-a-dna-test-opened-a-100-year-old-mystery/?tid=sm_tw&utm_term=.a8ce57282d30

[Anonymous]

This is a crazy story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/lifestyle/she-thought-she-was-irish-until-a-dna-test-opened-a-100-year-old-mystery/?tid=sm_tw&utm_term=.a8ce57282d30

great story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful story OP, please keep us informed when you get back!

Kind of a personal question... so your mom cheated on your dad then? Or was she already pregnant when they got together?

My mom and dad were already on rocky ground at that point. My birth dad had an appointment at their house through his work, he had a sweet southern accent. My mom felt alone and this sweet southern guy was giving her attention. It was the perfect storm. So yes, they both had an affair.

I will definitely repost after the trip. I feel blessed. I have no issues about how I came to be. 2 people made a bad choice but something good came of it.

That is a lovely way to view it, always keep your glass is half full view of this (as you know you'll always have naysayers who disapprove).

I hope I wasn't being too nosy when I asked about your mom cheating, this whole situation though is just so fascinating.
Imagine if you'd never done that DNA test??

Oh, no worries! If I was worried about it, I shouldn't have posted, you were just fine. It's facts from 50 years ago, who cares right? Was it right? Of course not but it happened I'm here. I cannot cast the first stone and of all people, I'm the one most affected and I've forgiven her so I hope she can forgive herself.

Ok, thanks.
Even though this is an anonymous site, I still always try to be as respectful as I'd want others to be towards me.

Like I said, your story is absolutely fascinating & I hope you've been documenting each detail of your journey?
This would make for an award winning documentary, no doubt.
Have you considered possibly writing a book after your father & their mother passes? You can always write it under a pen name, as well.

It's truly remarkable how DNA tests can change a perception you've had your entire life within seconds.

Have you seen this wonderful video?
I cry every single gosh darn time I watch it without fail, lol.
I've also watched each of the videos in their entirety of all of the folks within this one.

https://youtu.be/tyaEQEmt5ls

Yes, I also try to respect others' feelings and opinions. You never know what they have gone through. Anonymity does not give license for rudeness and disrespect. So I am with you on that.

I have journaled since I started my DNA test, not exactly expecting this type of an outcome. It was more for my children so that they could also take a journey into realizing who they are. In all of my life, I never realized taking a DNA test would change things so dramatically. I went through the whole range of emotions: Disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, not knowing my true identity, forgiveness (not an emotion but putting it in there because it is key to accepting your past), anxiety (in finding my BD), joy, excitement and now anticipation. I believe I should write a book on this and just use a pen name as I hope to give not only hope to those searching, but also helping them have the tools and knowledge that it may not go as planned.

The hardest part of all of this is realizing that the Dad that I have always known as dad is technically my step dad, though he is so very much more to me and will always be "Dad." As you know, he is in hospice, so I go down there often, never knowing whether it will be the last time I see him. As I look at him, I can't help but feel a little sadness over the situation yet glad that he does not know, for his sake. I am actually a little relieved that my children did not inherit the dysfunctions of that side of the family, as there was some very serious problems on that side of the family, 4/7 of my dad's siblings and his father having very severe dysfunction in their lives due to their "disease" is all that I will call it. So the good in a crazy situation is that that is not a part of my children's DNA and that my dad has been a very loving grandfather to them. Then realizing that not only are my newly found brothers half brothers, but so are the rest of my siblings. So I was feeling like I was just an island, until I realized I'm more like a connector between both families and am blessed to have new, loving siblings and their families in my life. This is actually the first that I have put to words the emotional process that I went through. I should start doing that a little more in my journaling as it was really only journaled day-to-day. The next 2 weeks will prove to be very emotional yet filled with joy. I will go see the grave of my BD while I am there just to make peace in my own mind. I will get to know my brothers, sisters in law and their families. Oh, and we will hit the beach while we are there because..........beach.

PP here & you just gave me chills... I'm so excited for you!
I'd really love to keep up with you & your story, although I'm not on DCUM often (however I have been coming back every single day thanks to your story, lol!).

Ifit's not asking too much, would you mind dropping me an email & letting me know when you've updated here?
Life gets so busy & because I don't visit here often, I know I'd be out of sight out of mind & I'd really truly hate to miss out on hearing about your exciting journey!
You can create a totally anonymous email address if you'd like?
Although, I do understand if you're uncomfortable with it, after all isn't that why we have this anonymous forum in the first place? No worries either way.

My email address is [e-mail]

I wish you much love, hope & happiness with the culmination (or more than likely just the prelude) of your journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to get my DH to find his birth mother. I wish it would work out like this but I know it doesn't always.

If he doesn't want to do it. Leave it be.

This. It isn't your choice. It is your DH's choice and his alone. This is none of your business.

It actually is my business because we are a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to get my DH to find his birth mother. I wish it would work out like this but I know it doesn't always.

If he doesn't want to do it. Leave it be.

This. It isn't your choice. It is your DH's choice and his alone. This is none of your business.

It actually is my business because we are a family.

It might be your business but ultimately it's not your choice.

- an adoptee who's found her birth family

[Anonymous]

Wow - hope it goes well for you

You know my parents died when I was younger and now being almost 50 - I have to be honest that if I were to find out either one was not my biological parent or if another sibling showed up on my doorstep, I would't be interested at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful story OP, please keep us informed when you get back!

Kind of a personal question... so your mom cheated on your dad then? Or was she already pregnant when they got together?

My mom and dad were already on rocky ground at that point. My birth dad had an appointment at their house through his work, he had a sweet southern accent. My mom felt alone and this sweet southern guy was giving her attention. It was the perfect storm. So yes, they both had an affair.

I will definitely repost after the trip. I feel blessed. I have no issues about how I came to be. 2 people made a bad choice but something good came of it.

That is a lovely way to view it, always keep your glass is half full view of this (as you know you'll always have naysayers who disapprove).

I hope I wasn't being too nosy when I asked about your mom cheating, this whole situation though is just so fascinating.
Imagine if you'd never done that DNA test??

Oh, no worries! If I was worried about it, I shouldn't have posted, you were just fine. It's facts from 50 years ago, who cares right? Was it right? Of course not but it happened I'm here. I cannot cast the first stone and of all people, I'm the one most affected and I've forgiven her so I hope she can forgive herself.

Ok, thanks.
Even though this is an anonymous site, I still always try to be as respectful as I'd want others to be towards me.

Like I said, your story is absolutely fascinating & I hope you've been documenting each detail of your journey?
This would make for an award winning documentary, no doubt.
Have you considered possibly writing a book after your father & their mother passes? You can always write it under a pen name, as well.

It's truly remarkable how DNA tests can change a perception you've had your entire life within seconds.

Have you seen this wonderful video?
I cry every single gosh darn time I watch it without fail, lol.
I've also watched each of the videos in their entirety of all of the folks within this one.

https://youtu.be/tyaEQEmt5ls

Yes, I also try to respect others' feelings and opinions. You never know what they have gone through. Anonymity does not give license for rudeness and disrespect. So I am with you on that.

I have journaled since I started my DNA test, not exactly expecting this type of an outcome. It was more for my children so that they could also take a journey into realizing who they are. In all of my life, I never realized taking a DNA test would change things so dramatically. I went through the whole range of emotions: Disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, not knowing my true identity, forgiveness (not an emotion but putting it in there because it is key to accepting your past), anxiety (in finding my BD), joy, excitement and now anticipation. I believe I should write a book on this and just use a pen name as I hope to give not only hope to those searching, but also helping them have the tools and knowledge that it may not go as planned.

The hardest part of all of this is realizing that the Dad that I have always known as dad is technically my step dad, though he is so very much more to me and will always be "Dad." As you know, he is in hospice, so I go down there often, never knowing whether it will be the last time I see him. As I look at him, I can't help but feel a little sadness over the situation yet glad that he does not know, for his sake. I am actually a little relieved that my children did not inherit the dysfunctions of that side of the family, as there was some very serious problems on that side of the family, 4/7 of my dad's siblings and his father having very severe dysfunction in their lives due to their "disease" is all that I will call it. So the good in a crazy situation is that that is not a part of my children's DNA and that my dad has been a very loving grandfather to them. Then realizing that not only are my newly found brothers half brothers, but so are the rest of my siblings. So I was feeling like I was just an island, until I realized I'm more like a connector between both families and am blessed to have new, loving siblings and their families in my life. This is actually the first that I have put to words the emotional process that I went through. I should start doing that a little more in my journaling as it was really only journaled day-to-day. The next 2 weeks will prove to be very emotional yet filled with joy. I will go see the grave of my BD while I am there just to make peace in my own mind. I will get to know my brothers, sisters in law and their families. Oh, and we will hit the beach while we are there because..........beach.

PP here & you just gave me chills... I'm so excited for you!
I'd really love to keep up with you & your story, although I'm not on DCUM often (however I have been coming back every single day thanks to your story, lol!).

Ifit's not asking too much, would you mind dropping me an email & letting me know when you've updated here?
Life gets so busy & because I don't visit here often, I know I'd be out of sight out of mind & I'd really truly hate to miss out on hearing about your exciting journey!
You can create a totally anonymous email address if you'd like?
Although, I do understand if you're uncomfortable with it, after all isn't that why we have this anonymous forum in the first place? No worries either way.

My email address is [e-mail]

I wish you much love, hope & happiness with the culmination (or more than likely just the prelude) of your journey.

You are so sweet. Thank you. I will try try try to remember to email you ok? I will basically be posting daily while I'm there so that it's all fresh in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to get my DH to find his birth mother. I wish it would work out like this but I know it doesn't always.

If he doesn't want to do it. Leave it be.

This. It isn't your choice. It is your DH's choice and his alone. This is none of your business.

It actually is my business because we are a family.

I can understand wanting to know for your kids, etc. Do understand that it is a very emotional prospect and it needs to be when he is ready. There is most definitely a bunch of "what if's" involved in this type of an undertaking. Be understanding, yet encouraging. While finding your birth family can definitely help one understand where they come from, it does not define who they are. Your own household defines that All my best in that, let me know how I may be of assistance.

[Anonymous]

We leave in 4 days. I have packed and repacked. I made those photo books for the brothers and bought locally manufactured treats for the sis in laws. I bought Seattle trinkets to give to the nieces and nephews and a letter for each sibling. Not much more that I can do!

[Anonymous]

2 days and counting. The brothers, their wives, their children (all are adults now) are texting or messaging me. We'll be going to a theme park on Sunday. It is So Cali after all. Oh, for my eldest brother and his wife, who are hosting us and the reunion, I have sent them wines from my state, I am taking them local chocolates, space needle noodles, a framed sign that is her favorite saying and I am making them a curry dinner. I am taking a photo album along with pics of me growing, and my children growing up.

This is becoming quite emotional as my father is on hospice and today when I spoke to him, he sounds so tired. I am going to see him the weekend after I return. We have gone down every other weekend for 3 months so we have steadily seen his decline. I never thought I could ever be at peace with him passing, but he is so tired and so uncomfortable. In a way I am dealing with feeling like I'm being.................unfaithful to him. I can't explain it. I guess it's because he doesn't know. I know if he did know, he would be glad I'm going to see the brothers. It's so complicated.

My dad (that I have always known as Dad) and I have always been very close. I have 3 older brothers, one younger brother. I am his only daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful story OP, please keep us informed when you get back!

Kind of a personal question... so your mom cheated on your dad then? Or was she already pregnant when they got together?

My mom and dad were already on rocky ground at that point. My birth dad had an appointment at their house through his work, he had a sweet southern accent. My mom felt alone and this sweet southern guy was giving her attention. It was the perfect storm. So yes, they both had an affair.

I will definitely repost after the trip. I feel blessed. I have no issues about how I came to be. 2 people made a bad choice but something good came of it.

An affair or a one time bang? Pretty sure you've got some other siblings out there...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonderful story OP, please keep us informed when you get back!

Kind of a personal question... so your mom cheated on your dad then? Or was she already pregnant when they got together?

My mom and dad were already on rocky ground at that point. My birth dad had an appointment at their house through his work, he had a sweet southern accent. My mom felt alone and this sweet southern guy was giving her attention. It was the perfect storm. So yes, they both had an affair.

I will definitely repost after the trip. I feel blessed. I have no issues about how I came to be. 2 people made a bad choice but something good came of it.

An affair or a one time bang? Pretty sure you've got some other siblings out there...

Highly possible. While none have shown up on DNA sites, it doesn't mean there are none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you done complete DNA testing?

My first thought was your overly talkative and friendly brother is as big a horn-dog as your bio dad, trying to flirt with the young lady on the other end of the phone. But since he's still being friendly, hopefully that's not the case.

How did bio dad react to knowing you exist? Was it a date rape?

Okay, if you read through the thread, the "horn-dog" brother realized the woman on the phone was quite possibly his biological sister so that's kind of a twisted assumption. She also referenced that her biological father passed away.