Never do a DNA test if you don't want the answers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paternal uncertainty is a bitch. Test early. Test often LOL

Yes, it can turn everything upside down. I have had SOOOO many people write me about their situations. People just wanting to find out where they're from and they find out they're not related to a family member. It's all over the internet as well, people writing their stories. I am pretty much at peace. I'm not saying I am not sad but it does not change the relationship that I had with the Dad I've always known. I'm just blessed to have 4 more siblings and their wonderful families. Hope everyone has joyous holidays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it worked out for you.
You were very wrong to introduce yourself the way you did.

I respect your opinion fully. I had started it out by saying the person I'm looking for knew my parents in 1966. I was actually being careful. The man was friendly and quite helpful, we were having a very nice conversation. So it was actually quite a natural flow and he had no problem with it. That being said, I believe it was quite ok for the situation that was at hand. I appreciate your input and that you took the time to read! Now, do you have any ideas for a host gift for the oldest brother and his wife, who are hosting us? lol

Good for you OP! You sound like a nice and easy going person and I am so happy this happened to a good natured person like you. God bless you.

[Anonymous]

So exciting OP. Love this story of reconnection. I have had a similar story on going for last 8 weeks. Mine includes 4 1/2 sisters and a brother. 3 out of 5 are very excited and welcoming. The two that are not are most concerned about their mother finding out that her husband was not faithful. Oldest sister and I talk often and actually have the same job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad it worked out for you.
You were very wrong to introduce yourself the way you did.

I respect your opinion fully. I had started it out by saying the person I'm looking for knew my parents in 1966. I was actually being careful. The man was friendly and quite helpful, we were having a very nice conversation. So it was actually quite a natural flow and he had no problem with it. That being said, I believe it was quite ok for the situation that was at hand. I appreciate your input and that you took the time to read! Now, do you have any ideas for a host gift for the oldest brother and his wife, who are hosting us? lol

Good for you OP! You sound like a nice and easy going person and I am so happy this happened to a good natured person like you. God bless you.

Thank you very much. I feel very blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So exciting OP. Love this story of reconnection. I have had a similar story on going for last 8 weeks. Mine includes 4 1/2 sisters and a brother. 3 out of 5 are very excited and welcoming. The two that are not are most concerned about their mother finding out that her husband was not faithful. Oldest sister and I talk often and actually have the same job.

How fun is that? Glad to hear that. So yeah, we are also being careful that their mother is protected. What I did was make a Facebook group to post things to the brothers and their families. I had one of the brothers that was a little less "excited" but came around once we met. Everyone deals with it differently. Enjoy your journey of getting to know your siblings! I know it has been a blessing for us! It's funny that you have the same type of career as your sister. I am also in the same industry as most of my "new found" brothers lol.

[Anonymous]

Well, it's the new year. 2018 will be a year to learn to live without the only Father that I've ever known. It was rough, especially when at the time of my dad's death, we were also nearly losing our mom. She is on the mend but weak. This year I am being intentional in loving each of the family that I have, (Old and new) and making sure that they know that they are loved and valued. Family goes far beyond blood, anyone can be blood related. Real family are those that when the air clears and the dust settles, not only are they standing beside you but offering you a wet wipe to clean your face and continue on.

Living without my dad has amounted to this: I know that I will see him in heaven. I just need to get used to the fact that he is not there to call and say hello to or to go see. It is what it is. Memories are cherished, I'm glad that we have had the opportunity to make so many with him.

I've been researched my birth father and talking a lot to my half siblings. He had a very different hobby, which he actually died from in an accident. Really, I have decided I cannot sentimentalize my relationship (or lack thereof) of my birth father. I believe he had an idea that he had a daughter. I know that he was afraid it would ruin families. How it needed to be is how it is. However, I have enjoyed the fact that I have 4 more siblings and their families to get to know. It has been a fun process. My daughter has become quite close with them as well. Have a great January!

[Anonymous]

Much respect to those that choose to research their true origins and ancestry. There is nothing wrong with how you start, it's how you finish the race and how proceeded that matters most. In that moment of reflection, and one looks back and says, "Did I repair with whom I hurt, did I do my best i all things, did I conduct myself with integrity and faithfulness and teach my children to do the same, did I forgive what is not mine to hold onto and ask forgiveness where I should?" Everything else does not matter.

Reading some of the posts in this thread was saddening as I realize that there are people hurting that said rude and selfish things. Whether they meant to make themselves appear superior, thus feel better, or are judgmental in some way, one thing is for sure, it was unsolicited by the OP and wrong. I know OP says it's not worth bringing attention to. True the best option is to not bring attention to the individual offender but to move on, which is why they did not continue to post here.

Then again, it appears that many have been encouraged or touched, which I think makes your time wholly worthwhile. You have demonstrated forgiveness not only for your parents and other family, but others in this forum and thread. Classy, I would say. You inspire me to be better. I hope you write a book about this, as I am betting there is much, much more. I would buy the book! If that happens, would you please find it in your heart to post here and let us know? In some little way, I feel like we have gone through this with you. I am so happy for you!

I have a family member that has gone through something very similar. I cannot wait to share it with them!

[Anonymous]

This was a fascinating post, and reminded me that I need to send my DNA test off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a fascinating post, and reminded me that I need to send my DNA test off.

It has been interesting to follow this and see the responses of everyone. While the sad truth is that not everyone has the same touching results, I pray that everyone does!

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you for sharing your amazing story. The only thing I don't understand is why you are so sure that your Dad didn't know that he wasn't your biological father. He could have known.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am six years into a similar type of situation. (Reunion with biological relatives whom I met late in life through DNA matching and record searches.)

Although it can be exhilarating to find biological connections that you did not know were there, you may want to proceed with caution. At the very least, keep some healthy boundaries for a year or two. All families have problems. You will know this family's problems soon enough. You want to make sure their problems don't become your problems too.

Also, after you get past comparing stuff like your shared love of cars, the shape of your nose, etc., you will realize that not having shared memories of childhood, shared experience with parents, etc., is meaningful for the relationships you're forming. At family gatherings, they'll talk about the time Uncle Tommy got drunk and tried to put pants on the dog. You'll laugh but it won't be your memory and you'll begin to realize that this matters. This will create a distance, which can be overcome in time and with the creation of new memories, but you'll have to work at it and the new memories will be more like those you make with a new friend. Not real family as one usually conceptualizes it.

Reunions like this often follow a pattern where folks rush in with irrational exuberance, rush out in an equally exaggerated manner, and then settle into a more normal/less idealized and hopefully healthier connection. It's good to maintain emotional distance while the boomerang runs it's course. At the very least, take precautions with your family.

Very best wishes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am six years into a similar type of situation. (Reunion with biological relatives whom I met late in life through DNA matching and record searches.)

Although it can be exhilarating to find biological connections that you did not know were there, you may want to proceed with caution. At the very least, keep some healthy boundaries for a year or two. All families have problems. You will know this family's problems soon enough. You want to make sure their problems don't become your problems too.

Also, after you get past comparing stuff like your shared love of cars, the shape of your nose, etc., you will realize that not having shared memories of childhood, shared experience with parents, etc., is meaningful for the relationships you're forming. At family gatherings, they'll talk about the time Uncle Tommy got drunk and tried to put pants on the dog. You'll laugh but it won't be your memory and you'll begin to realize that this matters. This will create a distance, which can be overcome in time and with the creation of new memories, but you'll have to work at it and the new memories will be more like those you make with a new friend. Not real family as one usually conceptualizes it.

Reunions like this often follow a pattern where folks rush in with irrational exuberance, rush out in an equally exaggerated manner, and then settle into a more normal/less idealized and hopefully healthier connection. It's good to maintain emotional distance while the boomerang runs it's course. At the very least, take precautions with your family.

Very best wishes!

Thank you very much. This is so true. I have been careful, for this reason, to not overwhelm them with my enthusiasm. They have been very sweet in sharing childhood experiences that they had with our father and stories about him and other family members. They wanted to learn more about me and my childhood experiences, photographs etc. In all, it would be tough to "romanticize" this in a way as if they are siblings that I grew up with. However, I love them as siblings and have enjoyed establishing relationship with them. I cannot regain that time lost sharing childhoods. I enjoy, instead, getting to know this side of my life and enjoying the sweet siblings, spouses and children of my siblings. Thank you for writing, it was a very supportive and sweet post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, thank you for sharing your amazing story. The only thing I don't understand is why you are so sure that your Dad didn't know that he wasn't your biological father. He could have known.

My step mother confirmed that he didn't know. He suspected infidelity much later in the marriage, but not then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, thank you for sharing your amazing story. The only thing I don't understand is why you are so sure that your Dad didn't know that he wasn't your biological father. He could have known.

My step mother confirmed he did not know. He would have told her, they are so very close.

[Anonymous]

My mom's friend did the DNA test too and found a long lost half sibling she never knew about. They were able to piece together the crazy events involving their shared father. He was married, wife #1 didn't want kids, so they divorced. Right before they divorced she got pregnant. She didn't tell him, and gave the girl up for adoption. Then he married wife #2, mother of my moms friend. The kids all got together last year (parents are all dead).

So yeah, if you get a test done be prepared for uncovering a lot of skeletons.