Never do a DNA test if you don't want the answers!

[Anonymous]

Lol I did DNA test on ancestry.com. Was very accurate even down to pin pointing the small distinctive places my parents are from.
I did it Anonymously and was “matched” with my cousins. So I think it’s pretty accurate for some people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's friend did the DNA test too and found a long lost half sibling she never knew about. They were able to piece together the crazy events involving their shared father. He was married, wife #1 didn't want kids, so they divorced. Right before they divorced she got pregnant. She didn't tell him, and gave the girl up for adoption. Then he married wife #2, mother of my moms friend. The kids all got together last year (parents are all dead).

So yeah, if you get a test done be prepared for uncovering a lot of skeletons.

Yes, so true. There are first cousins cropping up, it's amazing. A lot of interesting stories. There's a movement to assure that warnings are posted about possible outcomes of DNA tests. I will say, I was quite surprised and sad to find out. It's been 1 1/2 years since I've known that the father I've always known is not my birth father. I've come to the point of accepting it and realizing that he is still my very wonderful Daddy that raised and loved me. Sperm donor or not, he would not have changed a thing even if he knew.

This year, after my birthday, the first one without my father alive, I went down to my step mom's home as it was around Father's day. She read me a wonderful blog of somoeone that she knows. It's called, "A Real Father" by Derek Westra. Google it and read it, it is beautiful. She told me that my dad loved me so very much and that he was always so proud of me, not only that, that if he had even known of the DNA fact, it would not have changed his love. Love is not an emotion, it is a choice and an action. True love is not something that one can just turn off like a switch. It is enduring. It is a love that says, I'm hiding the switch, even better, I'm burying it. Through thick and thin, kid. As a side note, dad had given me a $100 gift card that he had won before he passed to uwajimaya. I used it on my birthday as it felt like a gift from my daddy for my birthday. My daughter helped me pick out a very nice matcha tea set and some new matcha. I will pass this on to her when she is on her own as a legacy of love and kindness. Love is a choice.

You know, my step mom and my dad got married when I was very young. I love my mom, the one who raised me, don't get me wrong. I love her very much. My step mom was very good to my dad and was very kind to us kids. They never had kids as my dad already had 5. So we were her kids. We were over there every Sunday. We each took turns staying the weekend at dad's house. She made birthdays and holidays special. They both encouraged me to go to college and helped me to do so as a divorced mom. I owe my wonderful career to them. So in the same way as my dad that I've always known is still my dad, my step mum is just as much a mother to me as my mother that gave birth to me and raised me. See, it's not all about dna, but about stepping up. I was lucky enough to have 2 moms in my life and a loving dad that raised me. I can't really romanticize the birth father that I did not know, but I am grateful for my life and for the 4 brothers that I have newly found. This August, we will return to see the brothers and their families for the reunion. It will be my 3rd time. The oldest nephew is coming to stay for a week with us, which we are elated about. I would call these guys every DAY if I could, but I don't want to overwhelm. So instead I pray for them and their families.

I pray for peace for you and your families during this fun summer season.

I have loved this journey, painful as much of it has been. I have loved finding out things about me that now make so much more sense.

[Anonymous]

The family reunion is this weekend. I am unable to go as I had a surgery recently. My late teen daughter is there representing us this year and is staying with the oldest brother and his wife almost 2 weeks. She needed to get away and she's staying with amazing people. This journey has been so amazing.

The oldest nephew of the family was up in July for a week. It was SUCH a blessing to get to know him and I feel like I have always known him. He is close to my age. I must admit it is funny to have a part of the family up here meeting people from my life and having things overlap. It is quite satisfying, though, as it feel like a little bit more normal than having two separate lives, identities, whatever you want to call it. A couple of my siblings that I grew up with found out about this situation. I said I would not lie if asked as I am not embarrassed about my origins. I am here because I have a purpose. I am not sure how to handle the rest of my siblings not knowing, I do wish that I could just tell them. My big dream, as I said and which I know will probably never happen, is to have all of my siblings together in one place and have a photograph.

[Anonymous]

OP, how are you going to sustain not telling your siblings on your mom's side about your siblings on your birth father's side? Won't they find out at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how are you going to sustain not telling your siblings on your mom's side about your siblings on your birth father's side? Won't they find out at some point?

Well, I won't lie if they ask but..............3 of the 4 brothers on that side pretty much keep to themselves and 2 are uninvolved in mine or my kids' lives. I desire for all of them to just know, so that I don't have to feel like I'm hiding who I really am. I post pics of the "other" brothers with us and they don't even think to ask who they are. The "new" brothers, their families and I have a private facebook page where we post all of our pictures and speak openly and freely. I love all of my brothers and my sister equally. Some of them I am able to be more involved in their and their kids' lives. I am thankful for them all. I just have that nagging wish to have them all in one place for one photograph. lol Being real, I know that won't happen.

[Anonymous]

Having just red the OP, I am wondering what you got your new family as a welcome present. Did you buy everyone DNA tests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having just red the OP, I am wondering what you got your new family as a welcome present. Did you buy everyone DNA tests?

I brought chocolate and wine from my state, other state memorabilia and cooked a curry meal My daughter is coming home today from being there 2 weeks. I missed her but it sounds like she had an amazing time. She loves that side of the family as well and has had the opportunity to get to know them so much more this trip. Peace all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having just red the OP, I am wondering what you got your new family as a welcome present. Did you buy everyone DNA tests?

I brought chocolate and wine from my state, other state memorabilia and cooked a curry meal My daughter is coming home today from being there 2 weeks. I missed her but it sounds like she had an amazing time. She loves that side of the family as well and has had the opportunity to get to know them so much more this trip. Peace all.

No, I bought no one DNA tests. Our father passed a year ago this month. I know how much pain it brought me. There is maybe one of my siblings I grew up with that I wonder about but he would not do well and to buy the kit and put him through that agony would not be right, I think. I am struggling with this issue.

[Anonymous]

My daughter returned from seeing the "new brothers" and their families at the annual family reunion. I was not able to attend this year sadly. She stayed with them for 12 days and really enjoyed getting to know them. They are amazingly loving, talented and funny.

My mom's health is not well. I do not see her lasting even another year. My first family brothers, the ones I grew up with, and my sister are all doing well though there has been much relational stress this year. I'm going to be spending time with 2 of the brothers next weekend to remember the anniversary of our father's death and to just get together. The last year has been quite a wild ride. There has been many things that has happened that I wish Dad were around to talk to about.

1. difficulty between my mom and husband that put me in the middle and I paid for dearly just because I love them both
2. unexpected move that I did not want
3. extreme family issues (mom and the siblings "up here."
4. employer is a bit nuts and my work has been a revolving door. I have stayed on and tried to work to help improve the situation. Unfortunately, I have had to obtain a different job, though it is a good one, I'd rather stay where I am at as I enjoy what I do, regardless of my boss. I am happy for the incredible opportunity that I do have.
5. because of my marital separation, I had to get a roommate to rent 2 rooms. I've known her for a long time, but you never really know someone until they live in your house. Her financial integrity is highly lacking and it has hurt me financially. I'm having a hard time getting her out due to "tenant rights."
6. My son, daughter in law and grandson moved to another State to help start a church.

The great news is that my marital relationship, while we are separated, is still in repair. We have not given up. Now that we are further from my mom, it has allowed us to work on the real stuff. My daughter has started driving and is happy in life. Our faith is stronger than ever. My "up here" siblings and I are getting back to better relationship after the whole family blow up. I set pretty firm boundaries and kept to them, which was our saving grace. While I am sad to leave my current job, I know that being a more professional and consistent environment will be much better. I also get to obtain training that is quite desirable and have an opportunity for growth.

My step mom and I keep in contact often. We went down back in June on Father's Day. We will be going down again in September.

Hope that you are having peace, joy and blessings in your life. Thank you for reading.

[Anonymous]

Heading to the annual family reunion this week mid-week. I'm excited to see all of them again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heading to the annual family reunion this week mid-week. I'm excited to see all of them again!

Have fun. Glad you are keeping the ties up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heading to the annual family reunion this week mid-week. I'm excited to see all of them again!

Have fun. Glad you are keeping the ties up.

Thank you! We had an amazing time. It is wonderful to have these times to get to know everyone even better. It is striking how much we have in common.

[Anonymous]

Well.........my mom passed away this week. I'm planning the service. Life is a funny thing. Her passing has made me reflect on whether the DNA test was necessary. Then I remembered that I was doing it to verify my ancestry, I had no idea what I would find would change my life. I hope that I helped mom find peace in that the situation was her 52 years ago, not who she is now. We all make mistakes. I found an email that I had sent after she finally told me. In it, I told her to be assured that I am not angry, hold no judgement and that God was in control the whole time.

It has been a bittersweet week. She was in pain, frail, down to 70 pounds at one point. I miss her horribly yet I'm glad she is out of pain. I think it's ok to be a little selfish I have to find a new normal where I can talk about my birth father and his family without concern, where life without my dad, and now my mom, is ok to live. The day after her passing, I started writing a song called, "Until Then." When she was taking me to preschool, I was upset because I didn't want her to go. I said, "Mommy, no, you can't say goodbye. I want you here." She replied that I will learn so much and make great friends, instead of saying goodbye, what don't we say, "Until Then." Here's the chorus, please let me know what you think!


Until Then - LH
Copyright 2020

and Momma please don't go
and we miss you so much and yet we know
you're in a place where there is no pain
and joy fills............. your heart again
Momma, I'm glad you don't hurt anymore.

My heart says "Momma, it's ok if you go.
We know it's not forever goodbye
even though it makes us cry,
Momma let's say it once again
......until then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I did a DNA test just to prove my ancestry. I have been told numerous things about my ancestors but wanted to figure it all for sure. My father also thought it would be fun to do the DNA test. He ordered his from the same online service that I did and the results were received about a month apart. My step mom actually set up his account and took care of sending the test as my father is very ill and is now on hospice. When his test showed up as received, I was so excited. I scrolled through his test, had my step mom share his ancestry on the account with my account. It is there I realized that I have no overlapping DNA with my dad. HOW can that be? There must be a mistake. Stupid company. Stupid test. Or.........he's not my birth father? Well, I was hundred of miles away at a conference when I found out what had to be the truth. I didn't wait, I called my mom and asked how this could be. She mumbled some silly response like, "Hmmm, might want to call the company to see where they made the mistake."

I had to focus on my conference, which was quite difficult. My husband and I had just been married a few weeks when I found out, so we were both at this conference. When we returned home, I waited for my mom to talk to me about it. 2 agonizing weeks. I finally called and just said I need to know. She said she was horrified when I called her and that it is possible because she was "at a party" where a guy gave her a couple of drinks and she woke up in a motel room. I had a feeling that wasn't the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I got a first name and that's all. I spent many many months researching for my birth father. Meanwhile, my step mom and I agreed not to tell my father as he is in hospice and we didn't want this to be the last thing on his mind, it would break his heart as I'm his only girl. So he will never know.

Ahh what this boils down to bottom line is white women are most whore ish out of everyone

After some months, I kind of gave up. I was researching my moms family and giving her reports of different things that I found. She miraculously remembered the last name and occupation of my birth father. Not only that, even how many sons he had. So after maybe a month of research after being told a name, I found the only one that was even close to making sense. Had the right first and middle names, but was CEO of a different industry business. I called and left a message. The man called me back but sounded far too young to be my birth father. So I explained that I was looking for someone that may have known my parents and that he had the same name. I asked if he was ever in the occupation that I knew my birth father to be in. He responded with, "No, but my father was that, but he has a different first name." I asked if he had 4 sons, his oldest being 14 in 1966. That was confirmed. I asked about a nickname that I knew. That was confirmed. He identified with looking like a certain celebrity, which was confirmed. At that point, I stated that I believe then that this man is my father, which makes you, sir, my brother. There was a bit of silence, then he said, "Well, I'll tell you. As you know, there's 4 of us boys. We always wanted a sister. I'll tell you what, if I really have a sister, I would want to get to know her!" I sighed a sigh of relief as there has been numerous blogs of people making the same search and being turned away angrily. That was in March of 2017. It is now July and in less than 2 weeks, I am flying down to their family reunion with my daughter. My father and their mother will never know as their mother is also struggling with health. I have gotten to know 3 of the 4 brothers and most of their kids, who range from a little older than my daughter to 8 years younger than me. They have loved and welcomed us into their family.

I have a large degree of anticipation and excitement as well as a bit of nervousness. What gifts should I give to 4 brothers that I never knew? Do I take something for the nieces and nephews? I hope they like me, etc etc etc. I try very hard not to romanticize this whole situation. Yet, when I consider the fact that my brothers say things like, "I want to hug you and never let you go. I cannot wait to see you, " I am reminded that this is good. Very, very good indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well.........my mom passed away this week. I'm planning the service. Life is a funny thing. Her passing has made me reflect on whether the DNA test was necessary. Then I remembered that I was doing it to verify my ancestry, I had no idea what I would find would change my life. I hope that I helped mom find peace in that the situation was her 52 years ago, not who she is now. We all make mistakes. I found an email that I had sent after she finally told me. In it, I told her to be assured that I am not angry, hold no judgement and that God was in control the whole time.

It has been a bittersweet week. She was in pain, frail, down to 70 pounds at one point. I miss her horribly yet I'm glad she is out of pain. I think it's ok to be a little selfish I have to find a new normal where I can talk about my birth father and his family without concern, where life without my dad, and now my mom, is ok to live. The day after her passing, I started writing a song called, "Until Then." When she was taking me to preschool, I was upset because I didn't want her to go. I said, "Mommy, no, you can't say goodbye. I want you here." She replied that I will learn so much and make great friends, instead of saying goodbye, what don't we say, "Until Then." Here's the chorus, please let me know what you think!


Until Then - LH
Copyright 2020

and Momma please don't go
and we miss you so much and yet we know
you're in a place where there is no pain
and joy fills............. your heart again
Momma, I'm glad you don't hurt anymore.

My heart says "Momma, it's ok if you go.
We know it's not forever goodbye
even though it makes us cry,
Momma let's say it once again
......until then.

This is beautiful!