Never do a DNA test if you don't want the answers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which DNA test did you do?

Some tests only do the DNA of your maternal line.

23andme and Ancestry.com If I were related to my dad, it would have shown.

[Anonymous]

Bring them something from this area. I like to give food. Cookies from that old bakery in Baltimore (tehhy sell them in Giant.. German name.. I forgot.. red bags in the bakery section) for example. Old Bay Utz potato chips (only available around here). Local chocolates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is pretty incredible. I hope your meeting with your newly found family goes well. I'm sure this is rocking your world but it seems that you and your new brothers have a good attitude about it so if nothing else, you will have more people to love

That is completely the case. It did rock my world. I had to get over feeling like I was being unfaithful to my dad and brothers that I've always known. I realized that there is room in my heart for all!

I can't even imagine. It'll be interesting to see if you have any similarities with your brothers, both physically and in terms of personality. Could actually be fun

[Anonymous]

I have two friends who've discovered birth families after they became adults. In one case it was moderately successful and he enjoyed getting to know his siblings, though he was much more well educated and financially successful.
The second case has been a disaster. It's a youngish woman who is biracial and was given up by the white birth mother at birth. Nice kid was "watched" by the manipulative birth mother until the adoptive mother died of cancer. She then swooped in for a "fairy tale" reunion and has now rejected the kid a second time.

[Anonymous]

Have you done complete DNA testing?

My first thought was your overly talkative and friendly brother is as big a horn-dog as your bio dad, trying to flirt with the young lady on the other end of the phone. But since he's still being friendly, hopefully that's not the case.

How did bio dad react to knowing you exist? Was it a date rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I did a DNA test just to prove my ancestry. I have been told numerous things about my ancestors but wanted to figure it all for sure. My father also thought it would be fun to do the DNA test. He ordered his from the same online service that I did and the results were received about a month apart. My step mom actually set up his account and took care of sending the test as my father is very ill and is now on hospice. When his test showed up as received, I was so excited. I scrolled through his test, had my step mom share his ancestry on the account with my account. It is there I realized that I have no overlapping DNA with my dad. HOW can that be? There must be a mistake. Stupid company. Stupid test. Or.........he's not my birth father? Well, I was hundred of miles away at a conference when I found out what had to be the truth. I didn't wait, I called my mom and asked how this could be. She mumbled some silly response like, "Hmmm, might want to call the company to see where they made the mistake."

I had to focus on my conference, which was quite difficult. My husband and I had just been married a few weeks when I found out, so we were both at this conference. When we returned home, I waited for my mom to talk to me about it. 2 agonizing weeks. I finally called and just said I need to know. She said she was horrified when I called her and that it is possible because she was "at a party" where a guy gave her a couple of drinks and she woke up in a motel room. I had a feeling that wasn't the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I got a first name and that's all. I spent many many months researching for my birth father. Meanwhile, my step mom and I agreed not to tell my father as he is in hospice and we didn't want this to be the last thing on his mind, it would break his heart as I'm his only girl. So he will never know.

After some months, I kind of gave up. I was researching my moms family and giving her reports of different things that I found. She miraculously remembered the last name and occupation of my birth father. Not only that, even how many sons he had. So after maybe a month of research after being told a name, I found the only one that was even close to making sense. Had the right first and middle names, but was CEO of a different industry business. I called and left a message. The man called me back but sounded far too young to be my birth father. So I explained that I was looking for someone that may have known my parents and that he had the same name. I asked if he was ever in the occupation that I knew my birth father to be in. He responded with, "No, but my father was that, but he has a different first name." I asked if he had 4 sons, his oldest being 14 in 1966. That was confirmed. I asked about a nickname that I knew. That was confirmed. He identified with looking like a certain celebrity, which was confirmed. At that point, I stated that I believe then that this man is my father, which makes you, sir, my brother. There was a bit of silence, then he said, "Well, I'll tell you. As you know, there's 4 of us boys. We always wanted a sister. I'll tell you what, if I really have a sister, I would want to get to know her!" I sighed a sigh of relief as there has been numerous blogs of people making the same search and being turned away angrily. That was in March of 2017. It is now July and in less than 2 weeks, I am flying down to their family reunion with my daughter. My father and their mother will never know as their mother is also struggling with health. I have gotten to know 3 of the 4 brothers and most of their kids, who range from a little older than my daughter to 8 years younger than me. They have loved and welcomed us into their family.

I have a large degree of anticipation and excitement as well as a bit of nervousness. What gifts should I give to 4 brothers that I never knew? Do I take something for the nieces and nephews? I hope they like me, etc etc etc. I try very hard not to romanticize this whole situation. Yet, when I consider the fact that my brothers say things like, "I want to hug you and never let you go. I cannot wait to see you, " I am reminded that this is good. Very, very good indeed.

So your mother was raped and you're worried about hostess gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is pretty incredible. I hope your meeting with your newly found family goes well. I'm sure this is rocking your world but it seems that you and your new brothers have a good attitude about it so if nothing else, you will have more people to love

That is completely the case. It did rock my world. I had to get over feeling like I was being unfaithful to my dad and brothers that I've always known. I realized that there is room in my heart for all!

I can't even imagine. It'll be interesting to see if you have any similarities with your brothers, both physically and in terms of personality. Could actually be fun

Actually, I guess I didn't state this part! 3 of the 4 brothers and I as well as some of their kids, keep in contact regularly. There is one brother that our lives and personalities are completely parallel lol. My son is the spitting image of my birth father. It's crazy. When they saw my photograph with my son, before we DNA confirmed the relation, they knew it had to be correct because of my son. I have that family's eyes, mouth and chin. I guess I look very much like some cousins. Fun discovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I did a DNA test just to prove my ancestry. I have been told numerous things about my ancestors but wanted to figure it all for sure. My father also thought it would be fun to do the DNA test. He ordered his from the same online service that I did and the results were received about a month apart. My step mom actually set up his account and took care of sending the test as my father is very ill and is now on hospice. When his test showed up as received, I was so excited. I scrolled through his test, had my step mom share his ancestry on the account with my account. It is there I realized that I have no overlapping DNA with my dad. HOW can that be? There must be a mistake. Stupid company. Stupid test. Or.........he's not my birth father? Well, I was hundred of miles away at a conference when I found out what had to be the truth. I didn't wait, I called my mom and asked how this could be. She mumbled some silly response like, "Hmmm, might want to call the company to see where they made the mistake."

I had to focus on my conference, which was quite difficult. My husband and I had just been married a few weeks when I found out, so we were both at this conference. When we returned home, I waited for my mom to talk to me about it. 2 agonizing weeks. I finally called and just said I need to know. She said she was horrified when I called her and that it is possible because she was "at a party" where a guy gave her a couple of drinks and she woke up in a motel room. I had a feeling that wasn't the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I got a first name and that's all. I spent many many months researching for my birth father. Meanwhile, my step mom and I agreed not to tell my father as he is in hospice and we didn't want this to be the last thing on his mind, it would break his heart as I'm his only girl. So he will never know.

After some months, I kind of gave up. I was researching my moms family and giving her reports of different things that I found. She miraculously remembered the last name and occupation of my birth father. Not only that, even how many sons he had. So after maybe a month of research after being told a name, I found the only one that was even close to making sense. Had the right first and middle names, but was CEO of a different industry business. I called and left a message. The man called me back but sounded far too young to be my birth father. So I explained that I was looking for someone that may have known my parents and that he had the same name. I asked if he was ever in the occupation that I knew my birth father to be in. He responded with, "No, but my father was that, but he has a different first name." I asked if he had 4 sons, his oldest being 14 in 1966. That was confirmed. I asked about a nickname that I knew. That was confirmed. He identified with looking like a certain celebrity, which was confirmed. At that point, I stated that I believe then that this man is my father, which makes you, sir, my brother. There was a bit of silence, then he said, "Well, I'll tell you. As you know, there's 4 of us boys. We always wanted a sister. I'll tell you what, if I really have a sister, I would want to get to know her!" I sighed a sigh of relief as there has been numerous blogs of people making the same search and being turned away angrily. That was in March of 2017. It is now July and in less than 2 weeks, I am flying down to their family reunion with my daughter. My father and their mother will never know as their mother is also struggling with health. I have gotten to know 3 of the 4 brothers and most of their kids, who range from a little older than my daughter to 8 years younger than me. They have loved and welcomed us into their family.

I have a large degree of anticipation and excitement as well as a bit of nervousness. What gifts should I give to 4 brothers that I never knew? Do I take something for the nieces and nephews? I hope they like me, etc etc etc. I try very hard not to romanticize this whole situation. Yet, when I consider the fact that my brothers say things like, "I want to hug you and never let you go. I cannot wait to see you, " I am reminded that this is good. Very, very good indeed.

So your mother was raped and you're worried about hostess gifts?

I suspect OP believes this version of events about as much as I do. The rape story was part of the original, "I have no idea who he is" story. The rest of it ... who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I did a DNA test just to prove my ancestry. I have been told numerous things about my ancestors but wanted to figure it all for sure. My father also thought it would be fun to do the DNA test. He ordered his from the same online service that I did and the results were received about a month apart. My step mom actually set up his account and took care of sending the test as my father is very ill and is now on hospice. When his test showed up as received, I was so excited. I scrolled through his test, had my step mom share his ancestry on the account with my account. It is there I realized that I have no overlapping DNA with my dad. HOW can that be? There must be a mistake. Stupid company. Stupid test. Or.........he's not my birth father? Well, I was hundred of miles away at a conference when I found out what had to be the truth. I didn't wait, I called my mom and asked how this could be. She mumbled some silly response like, "Hmmm, might want to call the company to see where they made the mistake."

I had to focus on my conference, which was quite difficult. My husband and I had just been married a few weeks when I found out, so we were both at this conference. When we returned home, I waited for my mom to talk to me about it. 2 agonizing weeks. I finally called and just said I need to know. She said she was horrified when I called her and that it is possible because she was "at a party" where a guy gave her a couple of drinks and she woke up in a motel room. I had a feeling that wasn't the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I got a first name and that's all. I spent many many months researching for my birth father. Meanwhile, my step mom and I agreed not to tell my father as he is in hospice and we didn't want this to be the last thing on his mind, it would break his heart as I'm his only girl. So he will never know.

After some months, I kind of gave up. I was researching my moms family and giving her reports of different things that I found. She miraculously remembered the last name and occupation of my birth father. Not only that, even how many sons he had. So after maybe a month of research after being told a name, I found the only one that was even close to making sense. Had the right first and middle names, but was CEO of a different industry business. I called and left a message. The man called me back but sounded far too young to be my birth father. So I explained that I was looking for someone that may have known my parents and that he had the same name. I asked if he was ever in the occupation that I knew my birth father to be in. He responded with, "No, but my father was that, but he has a different first name." I asked if he had 4 sons, his oldest being 14 in 1966. That was confirmed. I asked about a nickname that I knew. That was confirmed. He identified with looking like a certain celebrity, which was confirmed. At that point, I stated that I believe then that this man is my father, which makes you, sir, my brother. There was a bit of silence, then he said, "Well, I'll tell you. As you know, there's 4 of us boys. We always wanted a sister. I'll tell you what, if I really have a sister, I would want to get to know her!" I sighed a sigh of relief as there has been numerous blogs of people making the same search and being turned away angrily. That was in March of 2017. It is now July and in less than 2 weeks, I am flying down to their family reunion with my daughter. My father and their mother will never know as their mother is also struggling with health. I have gotten to know 3 of the 4 brothers and most of their kids, who range from a little older than my daughter to 8 years younger than me. They have loved and welcomed us into their family.

I have a large degree of anticipation and excitement as well as a bit of nervousness. What gifts should I give to 4 brothers that I never knew? Do I take something for the nieces and nephews? I hope they like me, etc etc etc. I try very hard not to romanticize this whole situation. Yet, when I consider the fact that my brothers say things like, "I want to hug you and never let you go. I cannot wait to see you, " I am reminded that this is good. Very, very good indeed.

So your mother was raped and you're worried about hostess gifts?

No, it came out that wasn't the case. At all. She was embarassed and said that. On top of that, I am not ashamed of my origins. It is what it is. Yes, I would want to take something down to my brother and his wife, who are welcoming me into their home. The two had this relationship mutually. They met at least 3 times. No, she wasn't raped. Relax lol. Honestly, if she were, it's not the fault of my brothers, I would have protected my mom if that were the case though.

[Anonymous]

I'm totally crying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring them something from this area. I like to give food. Cookies from that old bakery in Baltimore (tehhy sell them in Giant.. German name.. I forgot.. red bags in the bakery section) for example. Old Bay Utz potato chips (only available around here). Local chocolates.

Bergers? So good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who've discovered birth families after they became adults. In one case it was moderately successful and he enjoyed getting to know his siblings, though he was much more well educated and financially successful.
The second case has been a disaster. It's a youngish woman who is biracial and was given up by the white birth mother at birth. Nice kid was "watched" by the manipulative birth mother until the adoptive mother died of cancer. She then swooped in for a "fairy tale" reunion and has now rejected the kid a second time.

Ouch. So sad. Well, I grew up with 2 parents that love me. I'm thankful for that. I do not think my birth father knew about me at all. My mom was afraid he'd try to take me. Besides, that fact would have pretty much ruined 2 families. What was supposed to happen did I think. I have no regrets or grudges. I'm thankful for my life.

[Anonymous]

My BIL is a love-child. His parents stayed together, and his real father lived in the same town. Funny thing is all of them were at his wedding. I guess it's been 30 years now so they're all over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you done complete DNA testing?

My first thought was your overly talkative and friendly brother is as big a horn-dog as your bio dad, trying to flirt with the young lady on the other end of the phone. But since he's still being friendly, hopefully that's not the case.

How did bio dad react to knowing you exist? Was it a date rape?

Oh lol, no it wasn't like that. The brother is a very devoted husband, happily married for a long time. We are both very close now. Bio dad died when I was still in grade school from an accident. It was not rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL is a love-child. His parents stayed together, and his real father lived in the same town. Funny thing is all of them were at his wedding. I guess it's been 30 years now so they're all over it.

Wow. That's amazing that they could do that.