What is the primary problem in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a great marriage but I would say that my main issue is not getting enough sleep. DH just can't go to sleep before midnight. And 7 hours isn't enough for me. I've been struggling since the baby was born. And even when he comes to bed at midnight, he is on his phone for another 30 min or so.

You're choosing to not get sleep. You need to sleep train ASAP.

huh? Baby sttn. DH wakes me up when he comes to bed and when he's brushing his teeth. DH is pretty sleep deprived too, he just won't go to bed.

He should brush teeth/get ready for bed elsewhere (kitchen? guest bath?) and be very quiet getting into bed. If that doesn't work, consider earplugs or separate beds. If he's a night owl it's not fair to ask him to go to bed early just because you prefer an earlier bedtime. I often have to work late, so I usually go to bed at least an hour later than DH; I've become very good at sliding into bed without waking him and keep a spare toothbrush, etc. downstairs to minimize noise. If DH insisted that I go to bed at the same time he does, THAT would be a problem for our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no sex for 2+ years

Same here, as well as no monetary contribution ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex life, there is none. My wife has pretty much stopped having sex with me and when we do it sucks because I am unattractive to her. I am starting to think that she has some real negative associations with sex with men like me to whom she is not attracted. Won't let me give oral, only likes sex in one position, has to be a regimented approach to it. I have asked her about it but she says that its "just the way she is with you". In retrospect it was always kind of like that after the first few months off good, hot sex, but I thought it was just kind of a random thing not at all associated with me degenerating into a boring beta provider......until I found this forum looking for daycare options for my kids We are good parents and roomates but at this point I don't really think of her like my wife. Any conversation around sex escalates into her crying and saying she is a bad wife because she cannot force herself to be attracted to a boring unattractive man. I am one time away from saying yep, you are. FYI we have three children under 3 so yes, I am a very involved husband in rearing and housework simply becuase there is no choice, but her behavior pre-dated the kids so that's not it. Otherwise its a great marriage.

FIFY

Your problem: she is not attracted to you
Your solution: be more attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex life, there is none. My wife has pretty much stopped having sex and when we do it sucks. I am starting to think that she has some real negative associations with sex. Won't let me give oral, only likes sex in one position, has to be a regimented approach to it. I have asked her about it but she says that its "just the way she is". In retrospect it was always kind of like that after the first few months off good, hot sex, but I thought it was just kind of a random thing......until I found this forum looking for daycare options for my kids We are good parents and roomates but at this point I don't really think of her like my wife. Any conversation around sex escalates into her crying and saying she is a bad wife. I am one time away from saying yep, you are. FYI we have three children under 3 so yes, I am a very involved husband in rearing and housework simply becuase there is no choice, but her behavior pre-dated the kids so that's not it. Otherwise its a great marriage.

How's your wife doing with that? Any postpartum issues, physically or mentally? I expect she is exhausted...how old is your youngest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reluctance to acknowledge that neither of us are beautiful 25-year-olds anymore.

How does this cause problems? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Just general busyness which makes us tired: work, kid activities, school events, homework, family obligations. I often feel like we don't get a chance to have a meaningful conversation during the work week.

[Anonymous]

Money. I am a high earner and DH used to be until he had a nervous breakdown and quit (too many hours, hostile environment). I can afford to keep us afloat but can't do any of the things i should be able to do given my salary. I am envious of my co-workers vacations, clothes, everything. Trying to keep everything in perspective and hope DH lands on his feet. I am trying so hard not to be resentful because at least he now has his mental heath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just general busyness which makes us tired: work, kid activities, school events, homework, family obligations. I often feel like we don't get a chance to have a meaningful conversation during the work week.

This doesn't seem like an actual problem. More like a condition of modern life.

[Anonymous]

Sex. by far. It's the only issue, but it's a massive one. DW is once a week, if I push for it, and then only quickies. Yes, I have had affairs, no she doesn't know, I am trying to be faithful again, but it's getting tougher with the current drought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex. by far. It's the only issue, but it's a massive one. DW is once a week, if I push for it, and then only quickies. Yes, I have had affairs, no she doesn't know, I am trying to be faithful again, but it's getting tougher with the current drought.

She knows now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work FT and we have a baby. Weekends I do all housework, trashes are packed full from the week, which he never took out. Laundry is piled up, which he never helps with. I have to nag 100 times to get anything done so now I do everything myself. He sits on the couch b/c hes "tired"

Now our sex life sucks, because I'm tired and annoyed

If you have asked him to do his fair share, and he isn't doing it, then I would probably become passive aggressive. I would only do the baby's and my laundry. Probably only cook for me and the baby. I would pile all his stuff on his side of the bed while I did housework.

[Anonymous]

Difference in sex drives. I have the lower libido and this becomes a source a tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband hardly talks. I'm not a particularly chatty person, but I hate that I have to save any real conversations for other outlets (friends/family) and that I never know what he is thinking and don't get much verbal affection. He's wonderful in most other ways though and I knew that about him going in, so I'm mostly okay with it, but it does leave me lonely at times. My need for more communication is the only argument we ever have, if you can even call in an argument, since he just apologizes, vows to do better, and then clams up.

Is he a scorpio? Making conversation with those goons is like pulling teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband hardly talks. I'm not a particularly chatty person, but I hate that I have to save any real conversations for other outlets (friends/family) and that I never know what he is thinking and don't get much verbal affection. He's wonderful in most other ways though and I knew that about him going in, so I'm mostly okay with it, but it does leave me lonely at times. My need for more communication is the only argument we ever have, if you can even call in an argument, since he just apologizes, vows to do better, and then clams up.

[Anonymous]

Different parenting styles. Not a huge deal in and of itself except I'm default parent and he will come along for his, you know, nightly hour of parenting, and just completely go against how the kids best function. It's minor stuff but it causes friction with the kids who suddenly are expected to do something a totally different way than they're used to, don't, and then he's peeved they didn't do it his way. It drives me nuts.