What is the primary problem in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

NP here, in exact same situation as PP man who is mostly porn and once a week wife who lost sex drive, wishes she had one and feels bad about it.

Yes, she knows I use porn, she is smart enough not to ask how frequently. She does fake it, but not convincingly and I would rather go solo than have sex with someone who doesn't want to. She knows it's a big problem, has told me she doesn't want to know if I have an affair (and I have, most men in my situation have, trust me).

Thing is, as I hit mid-40s, my libido is calming down, her's is coming back a bit and 1x per week is doable. So glad I didn't get caught with AP in my 30s. I feel bad for couples that deal with the inevitability of infidelity during the early childhood years, if they can get through that time, most marriages go back on cruise control.

I would refer you 'no sex' guys to the 'My Husband is Clueless ' thread
- for a clue.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/650682.page

My youngest is 15. The "taking care of babies" thread is unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Our young kids drive us both crazy. We both work full time for our sanity.

[Anonymous]

My wife

[Anonymous]

My wife doesn't like anal...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife doesn't like anal...

My wife didn't consider it either until she, on her own, found my g-spot. Once she did she got curious and then willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife doesn't like anal...

Head to the nearest gay bar in DC where you will find many willing participants. Do you have a nice ass?
That will help - I don't see too many gag guys with that good old American pot belly and thunder thighs look these days.
Also - expect to offer up your ass too, pal. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

I hate my step children. No reason for it! I just do! I am a really terrible person and I ask God everyday to forgive me and to allow me to open my heart to them. I try thinking positive, meditating and just hoping and praying for a miracle. Nothing helps. And the sad part is that they are good kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate my step children. No reason for it! I just do! I am a really terrible person and I ask God everyday to forgive me and to allow me to open my heart to them. I try thinking positive, meditating and just hoping and praying for a miracle. Nothing helps. And the sad part is that they are good kids.

There's no such thing as God. Try dealing with the world as it is, relying on yourself instead of a supernatural figment of your imagination. Don't hope, pray, and wait for a miracle -- engage your step kids and love them. Do unto them as you would have them do unto you. Treat love as an action instead of a spontaneous feeling. Maybe that will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Why let him wait for the wake up call? Why on earth would you have a second baby with him when he is not an equal parent with baby #1? Here's a wake up call for you -- unless you change things NOW, the likelihood that Baby#2 will actually serve as a wake-up call is slim to none.

Because I'm not done having kids. I think having kids with more than 1 man is trashy. I know in this day and age it's not but I just can't get over it and how trashy it seems. Not to mention the logistics of having kids with more than 1 man... So regardless of what happens with our marriage, I'm definitely going to keep going until I feel my family is complete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Why let him wait for the wake up call? Why on earth would you have a second baby with him when he is not an equal parent with baby #1? Here's a wake up call for you -- unless you change things NOW, the likelihood that Baby#2 will actually serve as a wake-up call is slim to none.

Because I'm not done having kids. I think having kids with more than 1 man is trashy. I know in this day and age it's not but I just can't get over it and how trashy it seems. Not to mention the logistics of having kids with more than 1 man... So regardless of what happens with our marriage, I'm definitely going to keep going until I feel my family is complete.

I thought i was the only one!!

I had a son and wanted a daughter. Had the daughter then left. I am so glad. I never would have a second child if we had gotten divorced after my son. I know it works for some but it was a non starter for me. Also I didn't want a blended family that was yours/mine/ours it always seems like the "ours" are the real family and the others are hangers-on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Why let him wait for the wake up call? Why on earth would you have a second baby with him when he is not an equal parent with baby #1? Here's a wake up call for you -- unless you change things NOW, the likelihood that Baby#2 will actually serve as a wake-up call is slim to none.

Because I'm not done having kids. I think having kids with more than 1 man is trashy. I know in this day and age it's not but I just can't get over it and how trashy it seems. Not to mention the logistics of having kids with more than 1 man... So regardless of what happens with our marriage, I'm definitely going to keep going until I feel my family is complete.

I thought i was the only one!!

I had a son and wanted a daughter. Had the daughter then left. I am so glad. I never would have a second child if we had gotten divorced after my son. I know it works for some but it was a non starter for me. Also I didn't want a blended family that was yours/mine/ours it always seems like the "ours" are the real family and the others are hangers-on

You women are sick! We have one child, and DW keeps pining for another, but I don't want another b/c she cannot handle the child she has. Said child is a mere extension of Mom, and not an individual person with his/her own wants/needs/aspirations. I have two choices now. Stick it out with DW to protect DC from her craziness or divorce and sue for custody.

DW keeps wanting to have sex, but only if it results in a child. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. I said if she wants another, she can get a divorce and find another sperm donor, but I am not signing on for another child unless she changes.

Just the other night, she is trying to be seductive, and in the next moment she is being verbally abusive about she always wanted more children and I won't let her and I am destroying all her dreams and my mother is fat bitch! Ha! Who wants to sleep with that?

I hope there are not other women on these threads who are as crazy as my DW. If so, can your DH's and DC get together for mutual support and fun together? We don't need you and your crazymazking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate my step children. No reason for it! I just do! I am a really terrible person and I ask God everyday to forgive me and to allow me to open my heart to them. I try thinking positive, meditating and just hoping and praying for a miracle. Nothing helps. And the sad part is that they are good kids.

Just ride it out and be pleasant around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate my step children. No reason for it! I just do! I am a really terrible person and I ask God everyday to forgive me and to allow me to open my heart to them. I try thinking positive, meditating and just hoping and praying for a miracle. Nothing helps. And the sad part is that they are good kids.

Just ride it out and be pleasant around them.

My step parents were awful to me and my brother. This has really a huge effect on us.

[Anonymous]

She wears way too much clothing. We're on vacation right now and I'm realizing that it would be nice if she were always in a bikini. Or less.

I guess thats not very realistic. I love her anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate my step children. No reason for it! I just do! I am a really terrible person and I ask God everyday to forgive me and to allow me to open my heart to them. I try thinking positive, meditating and just hoping and praying for a miracle. Nothing helps. And the sad part is that they are good kids.

There's no such thing as God. Try dealing with the world as it is, relying on yourself instead of a supernatural figment of your imagination. Don't hope, pray, and wait for a miracle -- engage your step kids and love them. Do unto them as you would have them do unto you. Treat love as an action instead of a spontaneous feeling. Maybe that will work.

Love is a verb. PP is right.