What is the primary problem in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along).

I couldn't say if it happens to a lot of woman (though I suspect it does), but this accurately describes my wife as well. None of the usual reasons usually given by women on these boards really seems to apply in our case. She says she doesn't know, doesn't think it's my fault, wants to want to have sex, but just doesn't. Consequently, there's a lot of porn in my life. So, the orgasms are there, but I do miss the feeling of connection and the feeling that my wife wants me.

Why doesn't she fake it until she makes it? Does she not care that you use porn, and that her lack of interest may lead you to an affair?

This is what men just can't admit. Women get bored faster than men. I know quite a few women who were basically in sexless marriages, their doing mind you, but separated, divorced or cheated and couldn't wait to ha e tons of mi fleas sex. Your wife wa at sex but not with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH keeps telling me to lean in and get promoted. I know he's just saying it so I don't take my foot off the pedal and ultimately realize I'm disappointed with my career, but I'm 15 weeks pregnant and have a 2 year old. I earn $125k, so I'm not doing terribly, but it drives me to madness that he's so persistent in that I should be striving for more at this point.

I'm so tired that I'm just trying to do the job that I have.

I hear you. My wife thinks I'm a loser because I have a PhD and only earn 150k per year. She keeps suggesting that I go back to school in my mid forties for an MBA, as if that will magically make me a millionaire.

Sounds really annoying. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am the default parent and it is exhausting. My DH acknowledges this, but I really think he has absolutely no idea how much I do.

This.

+1. When we have #2 he is going to get a wake up call!

Why let him wait for the wake up call? Why on earth would you have a second baby with him when he is not an equal parent with baby #1? Here's a wake up call for you -- unless you change things NOW, the likelihood that Baby#2 will actually serve as a wake-up call is slim to none.

Because I'm not done having kids. I think having kids with more than 1 man is trashy. I know in this day and age it's not but I just can't get over it and how trashy it seems. Not to mention the logistics of having kids with more than 1 man... So regardless of what happens with our marriage, I'm definitely going to keep going until I feel my family is complete.

I thought i was the only one!!

I had a son and wanted a daughter. Had the daughter then left. I am so glad. I never would have a second child if we had gotten divorced after my son. I know it works for some but it was a non starter for me. Also I didn't want a blended family that was yours/mine/ours it always seems like the "ours" are the real family and the others are hangers-on

You women are sick! We have one child, and DW keeps pining for another, but I don't want another b/c she cannot handle the child she has. Said child is a mere extension of Mom, and not an individual person with his/her own wants/needs/aspirations. I have two choices now. Stick it out with DW to protect DC from her craziness or divorce and sue for custody.

DW keeps wanting to have sex, but only if it results in a child. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. I said if she wants another, she can get a divorce and find another sperm donor, but I am not signing on for another child unless she changes.

Just the other night, she is trying to be seductive, and in the next moment she is being verbally abusive about she always wanted more children and I won't let her and I am destroying all her dreams and my mother is fat bitch! Ha! Who wants to sleep with that?

I hope there are not other women on these threads who are as crazy as my DW. If so, can your DH's and DC get together for mutual support and fun together? We don't need you and your crazymazking.

There's just so much wrong with this- DW can't handle the child she has? You're judging her poorly as a mom ? How are you as a dad?
You're staying married to her but no more sex or kids? You sound terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert and our two kids drain my social reserves, so I don't have much left for DH, and sometimes I get irritable. He is coping pretty well, but I am trying hard to work on this.

I found that around age 9 or 10, I was no longer drained by my kids energy. Being with them was the same as being by myself - we had become that close by then.

Thank you for this beautiful comment. I have a 2 and 3 year old and am so drained by everything all day every day. You're the first person to ever say it gets easier not because they get more independent (which makes me sad as I imagine them on mobile devices ignoring me), but because you're actually CLOSER! This gives me such renewed hope for all the work I'm putting in now.

[Anonymous]

Primary problem is that I stopped caring about DH, had an affair, and haven't found my way fully out of the affair and back to him yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a great marriage but I would say that my main issue is not getting enough sleep. DH just can't go to sleep before midnight. And 7 hours isn't enough for me. I've been struggling since the baby was born. And even when he comes to bed at midnight, he is on his phone for another 30 min or so.

You're choosing to not get sleep. You need to sleep train ASAP.

huh? Baby sttn. DH wakes me up when he comes to bed and when he's brushing his teeth. DH is pretty sleep deprived too, he just won't go to bed.

Get a white noise machine & everybody will sleep like babies! You'll never hear your husband again.

My OB told me that one of THE worst mistakes new mothers make when they come home is in regards to baby's sleeping in a quiet room.
A quiet room freaks newborns & babies out!
Do you have any idea how loud it is inside of your stomach? Babies NEED some kind of noise stimulation for sleep, like Thru are back inside the womb.

Someone gave me this white noise machine before my fist baby was born & I bought one for each bedroom in the house since then, it's truly a godsend.
It plays white noise, a fan, thunder storm, babbling brook, crickets, fire cracking, wind blowing, etc. It has a timer or you can play it all night long. It also has a place for batteries in case of a power outage.
This one has almost 6,500 positive ratings on Amazon.

However, if you want to try out a sound machine right now, there's a fabulous free app in the app store called "white noise baby". Its been a lifesaver when we travel & "car trip" is by far my 4 kids favorite sound to fall asleep to.

Using a white noise machine will change your life.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A2JBMRE/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i9Bxzb72FZXHZ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work FT and we have a baby. Weekends I do all housework, trashes are packed full from the week, which he never took out. Laundry is piled up, which he never helps with. I have to nag 100 times to get anything done so now I do everything myself. He sits on the couch b/c hes "tired"

Now our sex life sucks, because I'm tired and annoyed

At a minimum I hope you're not doing his laundry. I can't imagine putting up with this. Why are you so afraid to have a fight?? What do you have to lose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work FT and we have a baby. Weekends I do all housework, trashes are packed full from the week, which he never took out. Laundry is piled up, which he never helps with. I have to nag 100 times to get anything done so now I do everything myself. He sits on the couch b/c hes "tired"

Now our sex life sucks, because I'm tired and annoyed

At a minimum I hope you're not doing his laundry. I can't imagine putting up with this. Why are you so afraid to have a fight?? What do you have to lose?

Ooooh. Good question. I'm afraid to fight, too. I really hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A wife who refuses to work full time so I take the brunt and stress of paying bills. And no, we have no minor children. Already doing the logistics of leaving.

Was she working before you married her? If so how soon after did she stop working? No kid? what does she do all day? She must be in incredible shape cause she has time to spend hours at the gym

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Lack of intellectual stimulation. DW is sweet, devoted, and affectionate, but our deepest conversations involve what's for dinner or which of the three houses the HGTV couple will choose.

I know someone who is going through this. I am smart so he is constantly chatting me up, had to shut him down though and make him realize he has one wife not 1.25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lack of intellectual stimulation. DW is sweet, devoted, and affectionate, but our deepest conversations involve what's for dinner or which of the three houses the HGTV couple will choose.

I know someone who is going through this. I am smart so he is constantly chatting me up, had to shut him down though and make him realize he has one wife not 1.25.

Ugh, I have the same complaint about my husband. I wonder if it's something that's broken in our dynamic

[Anonymous]

lack of awareness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is too immature like her mother. Causes so much confusion.

How many times do you have to say this. Look at a woman's mom and how she looks and acts and that is where you will end up eventually

[Anonymous]

It's a burden to be married to a person everyone believes is the perfect wife, mother and friend. The fact that they are correct just adds to my feeling of being a slug!

[Anonymous]

My husband is too wonderful...I wind up trying to find fault with him because he's so perfect. When I get mad at him, he's just exactly the perfect amount of comforting and caring.

It's so annoying.