Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would vote for Sarah Palin.

You have long standing issues with your father and would very much like to fish in the bering straight.

I wish my posts were as perfect as this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a McMansion.

You live in an apartment building in Statesboro Georgia which abuts a train station. You have four children under the age of three, and you discovered this forum accidentally while searching for urban parenting resources. You are good with numbers, and you will somehow find a way to go back to school and become an actuary. You need to buy toilet tissue.

[Anonymous]

I'm 45 but dress like I'm 25.

[Anonymous]

I live through my kids. I like to come on here and boast about their WPPSI scores and extreme giftedness.

[Anonymous]

I love this thread.

[Anonymous]

Stinky fingers
Stinky toes

Crunchies in my pantyhose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would vote for Sarah Palin.

You have long standing issues with your father and would very much like to fish in the bering straight.

I wish my posts were as perfect as this one.

But they are! ((((BIGHUGZ)))) Have some more confidence in your natural ability and let your self-esteem sun shine through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread.

You are right to love this thread. You are sitting with your husband on the couch pretending to watch NUMB3RS, but you are secretly hitting the refresh page every 10 seconds to see if anyone will respond to your post. You used to berate moms who coslept until you had Emma, and now she's hitting 18 months and you still find yourself plucking her out of her crib at 2 am and tucking her in between you and your husband. You love being married and having a child, and you are glad that nothing really nasty followed your post.

[Anonymous]

The last reply made me laugh so hard that I leaked a little drop of pee pee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live through my kids. I like to come on here and boast about their WPPSI scores and extreme giftedness.

Your children haven't taken the WPPSI yet but you are frantically searching Ebay daily to see if you can purchase an old set. You have a high IQ which you think guarantees you bright children, but your 3 year old Neil still can't jump and you find yourself secretly hating the Gymboree instructors whose games seem to revolve around hopping. You took a three week trip to France and England when you were 22, but you like to tell people now how you have traveled extensively. You have memorized all the African capitals in case someone quizzes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 45 but dress like I'm 25.

You are 45 and dress like you are 45. You secretly despise women you have plastic surgery, and you have recently decided you are tossing the Lady Clairol and going au naturale (unless you discover your grey is too patchy, in which case you'll color for another few years). You have zero patience with whiners, and you are responsible for 8% of the snarky responses on this forum. You are a yellow dog democrat but you buy insanely expensive shoes.

[Anonymous]

I base all of my research on what school made the top lists in the most recent magazine survey. If my neighborhood school is not on that list, I am moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live through my kids. I like to come on here and boast about their WPPSI scores and extreme giftedness.

Your kids are smarter than you are and that makes you uneasy. When their WPPSI scores arrived, you were pissed that they only scored 99.9. It took months for you to realize that if they had scored 100, they would have been smarter than themselves. Boasting about them on DCUM is your way of pretending you don't already plan on hobbling them before they surpass you for good. You're prepared to enroll them in public schools if they push you that far. Hell, if it was good enough for you it's good enough for them. You had a secret crush on your junior high geography teacher and were mortified that you might be gay. You'll never forget the words 'Excellent Paper!' written on your report about the St. Lawrence Seaway. You occasionally post as a lesbian on DCUM or confess you have no desire for your husband.

[Anonymous]

I have a horrible hate of dog hair. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty spork than have dog hair all over my house. Because of this my husband's dog spends much of her day outside, where her hair can blow free in the wind and not on my wood floors or ethan allen sofa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a horrible hate of dog hair. I would rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty spork than have dog hair all over my house. Because of this my husband's dog spends much of her day outside, where her hair can blow free in the wind and not on my wood floors or ethan allen sofa.

You want to get in on this DCUM action, but haven't been able to come up with good responses, so you've painstakingly composed your own set up, which unfortunately breaches the code of the established thread structure of "plain set up, funny punchline". You don't have a dog or a husband, and you frankly aren't sure you want either. You are missing a tooth, but you still can't bring yourself to floss consistently.