Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would vote for Sarah Palin.

You only sporadically watch any news, and thus are unaware that Sarah Palin has resigned from her elected office and can no longer be "voted for." You like to talk about who you would vote for, but you have been too lazy to actually go to the polls since you turned legal voting age. On your way to pick up tampons you have made sure to check out what your polling station looks like so you can describe it to friends when they ask if you voted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would vote for Sarah Palin.

You still think your life would have turned out better if your parents had taught you the meaning of the word 'abstinence' in high school. You're secretly angry that they trusted you to make your own decisions. If they had just shown a little less faith in you, you would have a good man telling you want to do right now instead of being a WM. You think Sarah Palin is a saint for taking in her first grandson and know that if you were in her shoes, you would have disowned Bristol when it had happened a second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was upset when my DC at a fancy private school was not invited to the Cotillion.

Your child was rejected from the one private school to which you applied, whereafter you referred to all private schools as "fancy". You intend to apply again at the next entry year, but you're not telling anyone. You are getting a little too fond of Pinot Grigio, and your husband occasionally reminds you how you got a little sloppy at the BCC potluck last September. You shave your legs daily.

[Anonymous]

I have a secret desire to have sex with someone who is black, Asian, or Hispanic.

[Anonymous]

I like to sleep naked.

[Anonymous]

I love the taste of lobster rolls in May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a secret desire to have sex with someone who is black, Asian, or Hispanic.

You have already had sex with blacks, Asians and Hispanics during that three month period in 1994 when your fiance Bill dumped you and you went on a drunken and promiscuous rampage. Now that you have settled down with a Fiduciary Lawyer and have two daughters, you post about "fantasies" in case your husband Mitch peers over your shoulder while you're posting. He is turned on by your fantasies and thinks he was your second, when in actuality you have exceeded the limits of a standard abacus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a secret desire to have sex with someone who is black, Asian, or Hispanic.

Your mother is black and your father was Asian and Hispanic. You are only attracted to people who are at least a tiny bit like you. You have no idea why it is not PC to say that out loud and it took years of practice to learn to bite your tongue. You think Goldfish snack crackers are the ultimate play date food and you secretly dote on your pet dog. You have no idea what part of your family background those traits come from.

[Anonymous]

I treat my mini-labradoodle better than I treat my husband of 10 years.

[Anonymous]

I love Gifford's Ice Cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like to sleep naked.

You were worried about your post-baby muffin top, but got a jolt of confidence when you passed out in the bed naked after your law firm holiday party and your husband couldn't stop ravaging you. You have purchased all new silk sheets from Nordstrom to enhance the mood in your newly discovered love life. You are wondering if a ponytail suits you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love Gifford's Ice Cream.

You use the words 'Gifford's Ice Cream' as secret code for 'dc native' and you try hard to hide the fact that you are from Michigan. It took years of study to understand the nuanced differences between 'DC' 'dc' and 'the District.' You use phrases like 'those of us who are from here' without cringing, and justify it by telling yourself that anyone who has lived in the area for more than 7 years is 'from around here.' You have no idea that natives are not quite sure if they have fond memories of Gifford's or not, and don't know what to make of the feelings brought on by vague memories of being table-height and acutely aware of the milky swirls and odd smells, strangely ice cream-like and yet somehow unholy, left by the waitress's dirty rag. You are lactose intolerant.

[Anonymous]

I live in a McMansion.

[Anonymous]

I can and still do bite my toenails. I find it rather thrilling to pull my feet to my mouth while hunched over, all the while crunching on my thick tasty toe treats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can and still do bite my toenails. I find it rather thrilling to pull my feet to my mouth while hunched over, all the while crunching on my thick tasty toe treats.

You live in a McMansion.