Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

I try to steer my DC's friendships toward attractive kids, and away from the ugly ones.

[Anonymous]

Your child is ugly and you have never come to grips with it. You are a bit ugly too, which is why you.have been trying to chat up the divorced cosmetic surgeon parent in your kid's class. You say you like all children but secretly you don't even like your own.

[Anonymous]

I stockpile antibiotics, and I am trying to sell my house to buy something bigger.

[Anonymous]

I want to be BFF with the sarcastic wit who is penning all these replies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be BFF with the sarcastic wit who is penning all these replies!

You thought BFF had something to do with breastfeeding until just last month, but since you've discovered what it means, you now go about haphazardly sprinkling every other post with your new favorite acronym. You wish you had gone to Hawaii before you had kids, and now your only vacation is the hour a week you get to go out alone to Trader Joes. You just replaced all the pillows in the house with hypoallergenic.

[Anonymous]

Who says D.C. is not not judgmental. Isn't that why we're all here, to be judged by you? Awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be BFF with the sarcastic wit who is penning all these replies!

You think friendship is about being "witty" and "funny". You clearly don't understand that a real friend is someone who offers companionship and love without ever being judgmental or condescending.

I pity you.

[Anonymous]

I'm not at all attracted to my husband, and I don't think there's any way of changing it. The vibrator is my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be BFF with the sarcastic wit who is penning all these replies!

You think friendship is about being "witty" and "funny". You clearly don't understand that a real friend is someone who offers companionship and love without ever being judgmental or condescending.

I pity you.

You attended a three-day new-age human potential training course in Detroit and now look for opportunities wherever possible to spread your breakthrough knowledge of friendship. While you absorbed the salient details of the life-changing course, you unfortunately left the seminar midway through the third day and never got to hear the lecture on overuse of quotation marks. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not at all attracted to my husband, and I don't think there's any way of changing it. The vibrator is my friend.

You are still very attracted to your husband but worry that on an anonymous forum filled with depressed wives that makes you sound uncool. You do have a vibrator, but you only use it when your husband has to go to San Diego to meet with clients, and even then you ask your husband to call in so you don't feel like you're cheating. You love your dog and don't know what you'll do when you finally have to put him down.

[Anonymous]

Now that DS is in high school, I'm thinking of going back to work part time but I feel reeeaaaallly guilty. My breast milk supply all got ruined in the last rainstorm when our electricity went out for 24 hours. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that DS is in high school, I'm thinking of going back to work part time but I feel reeeaaaallly guilty. My breast milk supply all got ruined in the last rainstorm when our electricity went out for 24 hours. What do I do?

You have posted so often on the Farce thread that you are afraid Jeff will begin to monitor your IP, and you thus search desperately for another conduit for your occassionally clever entries. You have two toddlers and you never breast-fed. Your electricity is paid for as part of the condo association fee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be BFF with the sarcastic wit who is penning all these replies!

You thought BFF had something to do with breastfeeding until just last month, but since you've discovered what it means, you now go about haphazardly sprinkling every other post with your new favorite acronym. You wish you had gone to Hawaii before you had kids, and now your only vacation is the hour a week you get to go out alone to Trader Joes. You just replaced all the pillows in the house with hypoallergenic.

You, serial PP, are a brilliant wit who as a mother and wife find that your gift is underappreciated and irrelevant. You write mainly as an outlet and take private glee when a few kindred spirits take note. That fact only serves to remind you how your dreams are fading at an alarming rate as you head into the latter part of the third decade of your existence. You wallow in self-pity but cling to the notion that being a good mother and wife is all that you need in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll start:

My child goes to Beauvoir.

You, OP, are a hopelessly incurable social climber.

The reality is that your child does NOT go to Beauvoir. Your social climbing dashed with the delivery of the very thin envelope from Beauvoir on March 15th putting you on the so called "wait list."

In reality, you are one of those shrill anti-Beauvoir maniacs, who attempts to insert into every thread a not so subtle dig at the lovely school atop Mt. St. Alban. It truly is lovely. Lovelier the more as the likes of your DNA will not be soiling those hallowed halls. Clap, clap, clap. Nice try at stirring up the anti-Beauvoir pot with this cleverly conceived ruse. Better luck next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll start:

My child goes to Beauvoir.

You, OP, are a hopelessly incurable social climber.

The reality is that your child does NOT go to Beauvoir. Your social climbing dashed with the delivery of the very thin envelope from Beauvoir on March 15th putting you on the so called "wait list."

In reality, you are one of those shrill anti-Beauvoir maniacs, who attempts to insert into every thread a not so subtle dig at the lovely school atop Mt. St. Alban. It truly is lovely. Lovelier the more as the likes of your DNA will not be soiling those hallowed halls. Clap, clap, clap. Nice try at stirring up the anti-Beauvoir pot with this cleverly conceived ruse. Better luck next time.

You are jealous of the OP for her fortunate offspring's ensured social standing. You toss about references to soiled DNA because of your own chromosonal abnormalities, which most particularly impact your scalp and inability to snap. You are given to rambling gadzookery.