Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

I want to live in Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to live in Bethesda.

You live in Reston, Virginia. From your front porch you can see the 7-11, and you dream of saying your child goes to private school in Bethesda, although you don’t yet have children and your husband got arrested in Bethesda for drunk and disorderly conduct last May. You still love toe socks, and they still look cute on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stockpile antibiotics, and I am trying to sell my house to buy something bigger.

You have a nagging fear that even a 20/20 house wouldn't fill the void inside you, but you'll stop at nothing to find out, even if it means bringing the world economy down on top of you. You're secretly jealous of people who live in trailers; it must be so relaxing compared to the way you live, but you'd rather die than admit it. You can't wait for swine flu to really hit so the world as you know it will finally change. Your fantasy on bad days is watching the death tally on CNN while munching on your stockpile. You get a perverse pleasure in telling your friends their Yorkies will someday die.

[Anonymous]

I want to quit smoking weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll start:

My child goes to Beauvoir.

You, OP, are a hopelessly incurable social climber.

The reality is that your child does NOT go to Beauvoir. Your social climbing dashed with the delivery of the very thin envelope from Beauvoir on March 15th putting you on the so called "wait list."

In reality, you are one of those shrill anti-Beauvoir maniacs, who attempts to insert into every thread a not so subtle dig at the lovely school atop Mt. St. Alban. It truly is lovely. Lovelier the more as the likes of your DNA will not be soiling those hallowed halls. Clap, clap, clap. Nice try at stirring up the anti-Beauvoir pot with this cleverly conceived ruse. Better luck next time.

You are jealous of the OP for her fortunate offspring's ensured social standing. You toss about references to soiled DNA because of your own chromosonal abnormalities, which most particularly impact your scalp and inability to snap. You are given to rambling gadzookery.

I hate posters who are capable of such effortless repartee.

Go play on the Farce Thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to live in Bethesda.

Your knowledge of Bethesda is based solely on posts you've read on DCUM. If you actually lived there, you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from crying at the park after being snubbed yet again by the other moms. You'd spend the next five years trying to figure out how to win over first the SAHMS and then the WMs before finally settling for the nannys. One day you'd get the sneaking realization that they're talking about you to each other in their native tongues but you'll push the thought out of your head. When you finally move away, you'll still tell stories to impressed listeners of your years as a Bethesda mom. You still blame The Hair Cuttery for the last 18 months of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to quit smoking weed.

With all this talk of pot on DCUM, I want to try smoking it for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to quit smoking weed.

You have a roach perched on your yellowing lower lip as you write your post. You are sitting downstairs in the laundry room typing, with a can of Renuzit on your lap, which you grab everytime you hear footsteps upstairs. You haven't bathed today.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a camera in my basement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll start:

My child goes to Beauvoir.

You, OP, are a hopelessly incurable social climber.

The reality is that your child does NOT go to Beauvoir. Your social climbing dashed with the delivery of the very thin envelope from Beauvoir on March 15th putting you on the so called "wait list."

In reality, you are one of those shrill anti-Beauvoir maniacs, who attempts to insert into every thread a not so subtle dig at the lovely school atop Mt. St. Alban. It truly is lovely. Lovelier the more as the likes of your DNA will not be soiling those hallowed halls. Clap, clap, clap. Nice try at stirring up the anti-Beauvoir pot with this cleverly conceived ruse. Better luck next time.

You have the online version of halitosis. You can kill a thread just by posting a comment. Being treated with respect is a constant struggle for you but you would never equate yourself with Rodney Dangerfield. Even being a Beauvoir mom doesn't seem to make people act as they should toward you. (What does it take to make them wish they were you anyway???) You think 'clap, clap, clap' is as cool as 'snap, snap' and you have no idea that the word 'ruse' guarantees that no one will take your point of view seriously. You secretly wish you could buy a Trouble game with a dirty die in it just so you'd have a good excuse to use the unrefined word 'ew.'

[Anonymous]

I would vote for Sarah Palin.

[Anonymous]

I am seriously considering breat reduction surgery.

[Anonymous]

I was upset when my DC at a fancy private school was not invited to the Cotillion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am seriously considering breat reduction surgery.

You have already reduced your breasts by the letter "s". They are a good size now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would vote for Sarah Palin.

You have long standing issues with your father and would very much like to fish in the bering straight.