Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

I sit at home on Friday nights, friendless, on my bed writing witty replies to make sad housewives feel special. I really do feel that conquered people tend to be witty, although I myself am just a bit defeated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sit at home on Friday nights, friendless, on my bed writing witty replies to make sad housewives feel special. I really do feel that conquered people tend to be witty, although I myself am just a bit defeated.

You are a joykill. You weren't invited to the prom (well, unless you count that invitation from the Joel Flang, which you have NEVER revealed to anyone), and you spend your life looking for opportunities to bring other people down. Ever since you became bulimic you have been pointing out women who are slightly fleshy. You are not defeated, but only because no one has ever engaged you.

[Anonymous]

I forgot it was Friday night.

[Anonymous]

I sign the "i" in my name with a pink puffy heart as the dot.

[Anonymous]

My entire family sleeps in Halo Sleepsacks - DH, DS, DD, DS2 and dear dog. Not the same sleep sack mind you but we all sleep in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sign the "i" in my name with a pink puffy heart as the dot.

Your name contains no "i"s, but you have changed the original spelling of Jenny to Jennie so that you can start scorching the earth with your puffy hearts. You make your daughter play with Strawberry Shortcake even though she shows an unnatural interest in Tonka Trucks. You tell yourself it's a phase. You wonder why Michael Jackson didn't use his own sperm to make his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sign the "i" in my name with a pink puffy heart as the dot.

Your name contains no "i"s, but you have changed the original spelling of Jenny to Jennie so that you can start scorching the earth with your puffy hearts. You make your daughter play with Strawberry Shortcake even though she shows an unnatural interest in Tonka Trucks. You tell yourself it's a phase. You wonder why Michael Jackson didn't use his own sperm to make his kids.

He didn't use the ole' turkey baster on Ms. Rowe?

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid if I leave my abusive husband, no other man will ever want me and I will live life struggling to get by financially while raising my kids on my own.

[Anonymous]

My mother in law always smells delicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My entire family sleeps in Halo Sleepsacks - DH, DS, DD, DS2 and dear dog. Not the same sleep sack mind you but we all sleep in them.

You are the same woman who says she likes to sleep naked, but you are so excited by the interaction of this thread that you are reposting as a Halo Sleepsacker. Your husband is away on business and you have a luxurious Friday night to nurse a nice glass of Cabernet and post into the wee hours. Your child is only 9 months old and doesn't have a normal schedule, so you know you will be up at 2 am anyway. You have good hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid if I leave my abusive husband, no other man will ever want me and I will live life struggling to get by financially while raising my kids on my own.

Your husband is a saint and your sister Margerie has told you on more than one occasion that you lucked out big time when you met him in line for tickets to the Stephen Colbert show. You don't work but you wouldn't struggle financially even if your husband left you. You are thinking of redoing the living room, but you're afraid Margerie is going to accuse you of being a spendthrift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My entire family sleeps in Halo Sleepsacks - DH, DS, DD, DS2 and dear dog. Not the same sleep sack mind you but we all sleep in them.

You are the same woman who says she likes to sleep naked, but you are so excited by the interaction of this thread that you are reposting as a Halo Sleepsacker. Your husband is away on business and you have a luxurious Friday night to nurse a nice glass of Cabernet and post into the wee hours. Your child is only 9 months old and doesn't have a normal schedule, so you know you will be up at 2 am anyway. You have good hair.

Right on! Only I am drinking 2001 Folie a Deux California Menage a Trois.

[Anonymous]

I'm cracking up reading this thread and trying to determine if there is one brilliant person responding to all of these posts or if there are really that many brilliant and hilarious moms on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm cracking up reading this thread and trying to determine if there is one brilliant person responding to all of these posts or if there are really that many brilliant and hilarious moms on here.

You are upbeat that the world is full of hilarious people with whom you might be friends. You intend to start scoping for them at your next trip to the playground. Sadly, you will discover that no one is really funny, and you will obsessively post on this thread to try to determine who is the true funny lady. You are hopeful it is a lady and not a 58 year old man.

[Anonymous]

The witty poster is more stimulating than my own kids, who I'm letting watch TV as I read this thread.