How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how grown-ups can be so clueless. When you are a picky eater (and yes, being a vegetarian is the same as being a picky eater...as opposed to the person who is willing to try anything), it's your issue. Nobody is obligated to jump through hoops for you. When food is served, you eat what appeals to you and skip whatever doesn't. Easy peasy.

I'm sure there will be a side salad and dessert. You'll live.

I once had someone tell me he's gluten free, dairy free and vegetarian...and he asked me what he would be able to eat at an event I was hosting. I said, "I suppose fruit and salad, right? I mean, what *do you eat* IRL?"

FWIW, the people I know with life threatening food allergies are far more easygoing and less demanding than vegetarians and those who are dairy free and gluten free (largely by choice and not for medical reasons).

You kind of sound like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

You've never worked with caterers before, have you? When you coordinate with caterers, you have to verify everything multiple times (when you initiate, when you confirm, the day of) and each time they'll want to run t hrough all of the special requests that have been included to make sure they have everything. The host will then need to keep a list of all of the exceptions.

And if you think this is extreme and an exaggeration, you have an especially benign group of friends. In addition to all of the above, we have friends who keep Kosher, friends who keep Halal, friends who do South Beach, friends who do paleo, a couple old fashioned who only eat meat and potatoes, and a few others I can't place off the of my head.

As another PP pointed out, if you think that this "succinct" list is easy to manage just for a bunch of personal preferences, then you probably have never handled this before. Stop being so self-centered and thinking the world revolved about you. Your preferences, you handle it yourself without bothering your host.

Different PP. So what you are saying is you'll accommodate pretty much everyone else except the vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

At an event like this I just discreetly ask one of the servers if they can just serve me whatever is vegetarian from what is being offered (if its a plated meal.) I would not eat from a plate with meat on it so not wanting to be wasteful, I try and head off being served food I won't touch but yes-north, south, east, west - at an event like this I would not bother host as I have always been able to deal with it and KNOW it will not be an unusual request and servers won't bat an eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

You've never worked with caterers before, have you? When you coordinate with caterers, you have to verify everything multiple times (when you initiate, when you confirm, the day of) and each time they'll want to run t hrough all of the special requests that have been included to make sure they have everything. The host will then need to keep a list of all of the exceptions.

And if you think this is extreme and an exaggeration, you have an especially benign group of friends. In addition to all of the above, we have friends who keep Kosher, friends who keep Halal, friends who do South Beach, friends who do paleo, a couple old fashioned who only eat meat and potatoes, and a few others I can't place off the of my head.

As another PP pointed out, if you think that this "succinct" list is easy to manage just for a bunch of personal preferences, then you probably have never handled this before. Stop being so self-centered and thinking the world revolved about you. Your preferences, you handle it yourself without bothering your host.

Different PP. So what you are saying is you'll accommodate pretty much everyone else except the vegetarian?

No, she's saying that EVERYONE has preferences, you can't be accommodating them all, and vegetarians do not deserve special consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how grown-ups can be so clueless. When you are a picky eater (and yes, being a vegetarian is the same as being a picky eater...as opposed to the person who is willing to try anything), it's your issue. Nobody is obligated to jump through hoops for you. When food is served, you eat what appeals to you and skip whatever doesn't. Easy peasy.

I'm sure there will be a side salad and dessert. You'll live.

I once had someone tell me he's gluten free, dairy free and vegetarian...and he asked me what he would be able to eat at an event I was hosting. I said, "I suppose fruit and salad, right? I mean, what *do you eat* IRL?"

FWIW, the people I know with life threatening food allergies are far more easygoing and less demanding than vegetarians and those who are dairy free and gluten free (largely by choice and not for medical reasons).

You kind of sound like a jerk.

What can a dairy free, gluten free vegetarian eat in real life at an event, restaurant or a persons house (i.e.: a location where he has zero control over the food prep and must make a choice based on the available options)? Note: the person has obvious body and food issues...his diet has nothing to do with medical issues.

Again: he can reliably eat fruit and salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you do, There will be something for you to eat there im sure. I would eat something before you go too, so youre not starving when you get there but have room to eat something when everyone else does.

OP here - thanks, this is how i was leaning then I started second-guessing myself. If it was at someone's home I would offer to bring something that I could eat to share with everyone, but you are probably right so i'll just skip mentioning it. And yes, I will eat before hand. I am less worried about not having something to eat than drawing attention to myself at the event....this is why i love buffets

I think it's a good idea to eat beforehand. You can't be positive there will be something to eat. I was a bridesmaid to a bride I'd known for a decade who knew I was vegetarian, but at the rehearsal dinner there was even bacon in the rolls! That said, I don't think there is a polite way to say anything. You just need to hope you'll have something to eat and make sure you are not starving when you get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

You've never worked with caterers before, have you? When you coordinate with caterers, you have to verify everything multiple times (when you initiate, when you confirm, the day of) and each time they'll want to run t hrough all of the special requests that have been included to make sure they have everything. The host will then need to keep a list of all of the exceptions.

And if you think this is extreme and an exaggeration, you have an especially benign group of friends. In addition to all of the above, we have friends who keep Kosher, friends who keep Halal, friends who do South Beach, friends who do paleo, a couple old fashioned who only eat meat and potatoes, and a few others I can't place off the of my head.

As another PP pointed out, if you think that this "succinct" list is easy to manage just for a bunch of personal preferences, then you probably have never handled this before. Stop being so self-centered and thinking the world revolved about you. Your preferences, you handle it yourself without bothering your host.

Different PP. So what you are saying is you'll accommodate pretty much everyone else except the vegetarian?

No, she's saying that EVERYONE has preferences, you can't be accommodating them all, and vegetarians do not deserve special consideration.

Please don't ever host anything. I mean, if it's this big of a pain in the ass to you and PPs, the easiest thing in the world is to simply never accommodate anyone ever for anything. Problem solved! What a bunch of whiners.
And yes, I've hosted plenty, and I ask at the outset what people need. This isn't rocket science, it's hosting people and making them feel welcome. Well, everyone but vegetarians, obviously. The assholes.....

[Anonymous]

Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Yes. More than once. There are times when even the sides have meat.

Also, there are religious reasons to be vegetarian. It's not just pickiness. If you don't want to accommodate people, fine. But most people are not vegetarian to annoy you...but many people seem to take offense at vegetarians for some unknown reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

[Anonymous]

DCUM gets very mad at vegetarians, OP. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing anyone who is hosting a sit-down lunch for a bunch of people they obviously don't know that well hasn't anticipated that some of the guests will have dietary restrictions.

I bet you $1,000 you will either be asked prior to the event or at the table what type of meal you prefer.

A lot of people won't eat a lot of things -- fish, red meat, etc. No decent host can possibly think one menu will work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing anyone who is hosting a sit-down lunch for a bunch of people they obviously don't know that well hasn't anticipated that some of the guests will have dietary restrictions.

I bet you $1,000 you will either be asked prior to the event or at the table what type of meal you prefer.

A lot of people won't eat a lot of things -- fish, red meat, etc. No decent host can possibly think one menu will work for everyone.

Dessert works for everyone. Just sayin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

First, ridiculous. I'm from the south and half my friends are vegetarian. And I'm talking Mississippi here. That's about as southern as you get. So you original premise is completely ignorant.

Second, of course you don't tell the host. Just eat what you want to eat off the plate. If you get a chance, you might quietly ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option. There almost always will be.

Third, this is exactly the reason people from the south believe that Yankees have no manners.

And this is why all of us yankees think that southerners are dumb....