How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Yes, there is. Your friend just doesn't like bananas. Many vegetarians don't eat meat because of an ethical/spiritual belief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

You think she should skip a friends BABY SHOWER because she's a vegetarian?

My god people are weird. No wonder most of America is fat- if the prospect of having a smaller lunch due to limited options keeps people from socializing it's a good sign that people are insane.

You don't understand. I'm one of the PPs who just eats beforehand. The problem even with this approach is that people get upset with me when they see I'm just eating bread and salad (or nothing at all). They keep asking about it until I tell them why, and then they get the attitude demonstrated by the nasty PP on this thread (the one who thinks vegetarians are vegetarians just to annoy her). You'd be amazed how people make it an issue.

I still would not skip a shower. But you are wrong to assume that other people at the event will just leave you alone if they see you aren't eating much. It's absurd. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. You are seen as rude and entitled and picky if you let the host know beforehand that you don't eat meat. But if you don't let the host know and just eat bread and salad, people make comments to you and get snarky when you say you don't eat meat.

Basically, these days, I just eat bread and salad and say I'm not really hungry/not feeling well when asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

Um, you really need to get some self-esteem. If you are invited to an event, there's a decent chance it's because the host wants you there. And it's a little sad that you seem to think your hosts would rather not have you there than accommodate you. Though it's also a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you kept turning down my invites (and if I don't know you well, I might more often invite you to a dinner party type event with multiple guests), I will assume you aren't interested in spending time with me and stop inviting you.

I agree that there is potential to go too far with requesting accommodations (like my friend who refused to come to my birthday dinner because she didn't like the vegetarian options at the restaurant I had specifically picked because it had several vegetarian options so she could come), but most people are pretty gracious. If you have Celiac disease and I'm hosting, I definitely want to know and try to make things you can eat. I had two close friends at my formal wedding that I knew had very severe nut allergies, so we made sure *none* of the food had nuts just to be safe. It was not a hassle at all, but we needed the information to do that for them.

Ok I wasn't too clear. There are invites from friends and then there are general invites. The party invitation that has 100+ people attending-- I started turning those down unless I know the host really well. The last large party I went to had zero food and served beer and wine. I have attended large parties where I am good friends with the host only to have her tell me, 'Oh there is nothing you can eat." I go to her parties but eat before arriving. I have self esteem but I also know that many people think I have a fake disorder or don't understand it. People are assholes.

[Anonymous]

Y'all sound fat. Seriously. You realize there are people in the world - even right here in the US - who are actually hungry, right? And vegetarians are worried about finding something to eat at a shower? If you can't go a few hours without eating a meal, you need to think about changing the way you view food. Chances are there will be a vegetarian option. If there is not, eat the salad. Or just pick at your food but don't eat. No one will care. And believe it or not, you will not die if you a miss a meal. It sounds like many of you would benefit from a missed meal or two.

[Anonymous]

If people really get "so upset with you" you are socializing with the wrong people or are super insecure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

You think she should skip a friends BABY SHOWER because she's a vegetarian?

My god people are weird. No wonder most of America is fat- if the prospect of having a smaller lunch due to limited options keeps people from socializing it's a good sign that people are insane.

I think she should skip the party if food is that important to her. She should not expect people to cater to her dietary needs. If she doesn't care, she should go.

[Anonymous]

I eat before an event.
signed,
a Vegan

[Anonymous]

A lot of jerks on this question. They exemplify why vegetarians have to spend so much effort tip toeing around their vegetarianism. Because a bunch of irrational yahoos are going to pounce on them at the mere mention of "vegetable".

It's also 2016. Who are you people who don't appear to have any vegetarian friends?? At a baby shower, where the crowd is likely 100% women? In my circles, probably 25% of the crowd would be vegetarian. As such, vegetarianism is not some kind of fringe dietary choice as those on here would have you believe. When I host this kind of lunch/brunch event, I usually don't even have any meat on the menu because the safe bet is that everyone will eat cheese and cucumber sandwiches with muffins and fruit salad. But not everyone is likely to eat bacon.

In any event, to answer OP's question: if the hostess of the shower is the actual mom-to-be, I probably wouldn't say anything but would mention something to the most senior employee in the room when you get there. In my experience, it's not worth saying anything to a waiter unless you are already seated and others are being served their food - because the waiters won't effectively communicate this back to the kitchen.

If the hostess is a friend of the mom-to-be, I'd put a note in to your response requesting vegetarian if available.

In either situation, I suspect no one will flinch because vegetarian is soooo common and any restaurant will have tons of ways to accommodate this. I'd say vegetarianism is very different in this respect than gluten free, dairy free, kosher, etc. In my experience as a vegetarian, when I eat at restaurants and ask if something can be made without the meat (say, a pasta or a salad - nothing core to the dish) the waiter NEVER flinches. My friends with other dietary restrictions have to usually have a longer conversation with the waiter - suggesting that they make vegetarian accommodations all the time, while other accommodations are less standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't

Once the shower starts and if it's a sit down meal, you can discreetly ask your server if there's a veg option.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

First, ridiculous. I'm from the south and half my friends are vegetarian. And I'm talking Mississippi here. That's about as southern as you get. So you original premise is completely ignorant.

Second, of course you don't tell the host. Just eat what you want to eat off the plate. If you get a chance, you might quietly ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option. There almost always will be.

Third, this is exactly the reason people from the south believe that Yankees have no manners.

Totally agree. This is not something to bother the host with.

+1- Eat something before you go and then you won't be hungry if there isn't anything you can eat.

[Anonymous]

When I host I actually want to know how many vegetarian options to have on hand. It's also there for those who don't eat red meat.
I don't like to waste food or catering costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

First, ridiculous. I'm from the south and half my friends are vegetarian. And I'm talking Mississippi here. That's about as southern as you get. So you original premise is completely ignorant.

Second, of course you don't tell the host. Just eat what you want to eat off the plate. If you get a chance, you might quietly ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option. There almost always will be.

Third, this is exactly the reason people from the south believe that Yankees have no manners.

PP you had me till the bolded part. OP can't generalize about southerns but you can generalize about notherners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I host I actually want to know how many vegetarian options to have on hand. It's also there for those who don't eat red meat.
I don't like to waste food or catering costs.

Then it is on the host to ask the guests.

[Anonymous]

black bean burger in your purse as a back up.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the south as a vegetarian for religious reasons. I was never in your face about it and it was also the 80s and 90s when there really was not much knowledge of what vegetarians eat and yes I will emphatically say especially in the south.

Some examples:

They could not understand at all why I would not just pick the pepperoni off the pizza and eat it. Never mind the pepperoni juice that was slathered all over the top of it.

At a friend's house, her parents actually were so stumped as to what I could eat for dinner they offered me a slice of cheese. A slice of cheese. Seriously.

There was no vegetarian option at school lunches, ever. When I carelessly forgot my lunch at home one day, I was give iceberg lettuce and thousand island dressing.


So I can understand the OPs reservations. Dishes in the south are very meat centric and many simply don't understand how to put together a meal that is not.