How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

First, ridiculous. I'm from the south and half my friends are vegetarian. And I'm talking Mississippi here. That's about as southern as you get. So you original premise is completely ignorant.

Second, of course you don't tell the host. Just eat what you want to eat off the plate. If you get a chance, you might quietly ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option. There almost always will be.

Third, this is exactly the reason people from the south believe that Yankees have no manners.

And this is why all of us yankees think that southerners are dumb....

[Anonymous]

I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, , "I'm a vegetarian, if that's an option". If they don't inquire any further re: your statement, then don't assume your comment will be considered. And that's fine. Eat before.

this, exactly

unless you feel like it's going to cause a bigger stir than you're comfortable with, or would be perceived as rude by the people throwing the party, in which case just eat beforehand. that's what i do for my husband's family's gatherings (they are a huge immigrant family from nj) where everything is super meat-centric, and if i bring up not eating meat then people go way overboard to make sure i'm fed and i get embarrassed by all the attention and efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is akin to someone who is Jewish not eating pork; it's part of their belief system.

What religion is THAT?

You don't realize there are religions that don't eat pork? 2 out of the 3 major ones don't.

PP here - I was referring to the "vegetarian" religion. The poster compared being a vegetarian to being Jewish. Nonsense.

I think you misunderstood. The pp was saying that being vegetarian isn't simply a matter of not liking meat. It functions more like a religious tenet in the sense of being an inviolable rule instead of a preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is akin to someone who is Jewish not eating pork; it's part of their belief system.

What religion is THAT?

You don't realize there are religions that don't eat pork? 2 out of the 3 major ones don't.

PP here - I was referring to the "vegetarian" religion. The poster compared being a vegetarian to being Jewish. Nonsense.

I think you misunderstood. The pp was saying that being vegetarian isn't simply a matter of not liking meat. It functions more like a religious tenet in the sense of being an inviolable rule instead of a preference.

Followers of the religion Jainism do not eat meat or root vegetables. I have some friends that follow this religion. But religion is a choice, it is not a medical necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM gets very mad at vegetarians, OP. Don't take it personally.

No, DCUM "gets mad" at people who would even pose this as a question. If you are an adult who hasn't figured out that the world doesn't revolve around you--and if you don't routinely pack a granola bar in your purse--then you have a lot of growing up to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how grown-ups can be so clueless. When you are a picky eater (and yes, being a vegetarian is the same as being a picky eater...as opposed to the person who is willing to try anything), it's your issue. Nobody is obligated to jump through hoops for you. When food is served, you eat what appeals to you and skip whatever doesn't. Easy peasy.

I'm sure there will be a side salad and dessert. You'll live.

I once had someone tell me he's gluten free, dairy free and vegetarian...and he asked me what he would be able to eat at an event I was hosting. I said, "I suppose fruit and salad, right? I mean, what *do you eat* IRL?"

FWIW, the people I know with life threatening food allergies are far more easygoing and less demanding than vegetarians and those who are dairy free and gluten free (largely by choice and not for medical reasons).

That's fine to answer that way. It's also fine if your guests find that to be weirdly rigid. Part of what you have to navigate is how important these relationships are to you. If you don't give a crap about this guest's comfort, and are willing to risk the social and professional fallout of being a shit to someone you have invited to an event, then by all means take that attitude! Similarly, if the guest is the person who has more to lose, then they have to decide how much they want to demand - someone with everything to lose probably wouldn't make any requests; someone who is a special guest would probably expect their dietary restrictions to be accommodated. Most of us are on that spectrum somewhere, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

Um, you really need to get some self-esteem. If you are invited to an event, there's a decent chance it's because the host wants you there. And it's a little sad that you seem to think your hosts would rather not have you there than accommodate you. Though it's also a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you kept turning down my invites (and if I don't know you well, I might more often invite you to a dinner party type event with multiple guests), I will assume you aren't interested in spending time with me and stop inviting you.

I agree that there is potential to go too far with requesting accommodations (like my friend who refused to come to my birthday dinner because she didn't like the vegetarian options at the restaurant I had specifically picked because it had several vegetarian options so she could come), but most people are pretty gracious. If you have Celiac disease and I'm hosting, I definitely want to know and try to make things you can eat. I had two close friends at my formal wedding that I knew had very severe nut allergies, so we made sure *none* of the food had nuts just to be safe. It was not a hassle at all, but we needed the information to do that for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

That's idiotic. I hope you know that's idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is akin to someone who is Jewish not eating pork; it's part of their belief system.

What religion is THAT?

You don't realize there are religions that don't eat pork? 2 out of the 3 major ones don't.

PP here - I was referring to the "vegetarian" religion. The poster compared being a vegetarian to being Jewish. Nonsense.

I think you misunderstood. The pp was saying that being vegetarian isn't simply a matter of not liking meat. It functions more like a religious tenet in the sense of being an inviolable rule instead of a preference.

Followers of the religion Jainism do not eat meat or root vegetables. I have some friends that follow this religion. But religion is a choice, it is not a medical necessity.

Right, yes, that's true! I forgot about Jains. (I love Jains.) I had a great time eating in India, just on a side note. It was such a pleasure to have my diet be the default, and to get to eat and eat and eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

Um, you really need to get some self-esteem. If you are invited to an event, there's a decent chance it's because the host wants you there. And it's a little sad that you seem to think your hosts would rather not have you there than accommodate you. Though it's also a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you kept turning down my invites (and if I don't know you well, I might more often invite you to a dinner party type event with multiple guests), I will assume you aren't interested in spending time with me and stop inviting you.

I agree that there is potential to go too far with requesting accommodations (like my friend who refused to come to my birthday dinner because she didn't like the vegetarian options at the restaurant I had specifically picked because it had several vegetarian options so she could come), but most people are pretty gracious. If you have Celiac disease and I'm hosting, I definitely want to know and try to make things you can eat. I had two close friends at my formal wedding that I knew had very severe nut allergies, so we made sure *none* of the food had nuts just to be safe. It was not a hassle at all, but we needed the information to do that for them.

+1 to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Followers of the religion Jainism do not eat meat or root vegetables. I have some friends that follow this religion. But religion is a choice, it is not a medical necessity.

Seriously? You refuse to accommodate religiously-based dietary restrictions because, "It's a choice?" I'm guessing you're using the word "friend" pretty loosely to describe the Jains you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

The problem is that often the sides (salad, pasta, etc.) have meat in them.

Your friend with the bananas is a jerk. But as anther PP said, some vegetarians don't eat meat as part of an ethical belief, so yes it is a problem if blood from the meat is in their non-meat dish.

That said, I've never seen a vegetarian send anything back or make any demands. Most, including myself, will just not eat as opposed to making a scene or causing trouble.

I'm a PP who told OP it's best to just eat beforehand. But honestly, for events like showers and weddings where the guests are expected to bring gifts, it's not entirely ridiculous to expect to have something to eat. I wouldn't expect an main course dish, but at least some sides. The problem is, as I said, often people put meat in the sides, even in the salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have Celiac Disease. I never mention it because it is super tacky to expect hosts to cater to all the various dietary restrictions out there. If the host knows and accommodates me, I am forever thankful and think the world of her/him. I turn down a lot of invites now, which is really what you should do OP.

You think she should skip a friends BABY SHOWER because she's a vegetarian?

My god people are weird. No wonder most of America is fat- if the prospect of having a smaller lunch due to limited options keeps people from socializing it's a good sign that people are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

First, ridiculous. I'm from the south and half my friends are vegetarian. And I'm talking Mississippi here. That's about as southern as you get. So you original premise is completely ignorant.

Second, of course you don't tell the host. Just eat what you want to eat off the plate. If you get a chance, you might quietly ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option. There almost always will be.

Third, this is exactly the reason people from the south believe that Yankees have no manners.

Totally agree. This is not something to bother the host with.

Maybe the "yankees" just think you are a wee bit hostile - and maybe ignorant. Maybe.