How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

I think politely letting the host know only applies to an in-home setting, where the host is cooking or ordering in a sit down meal. I know people here would still say - it's your problem, don't bother the host. But IMO in that setting it IS better to say something upfront bc it is freaking embarrassing to be somewhere and be sitting there with a piece of bread, while everyone else is chowing down on salad with bacon, sides cooked in bacon, and a steak. Even if you don't mind, it embarrasses the host who has spent hours cooking something you can't eat and now either feels bad or feels that you're being an annoying attention seeker.

In your case though - with any restaurant or country club, no need to say anything in advance bc they WILL be able to accommodate you on the spot given that they have a full kitchen staff. Most caterers have veggie options ready to go, but even if this one doesn't -- they just bring out vegetarian sides on a fresh plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

You are assuming you are the only one with a preference and that you are the only person or that is the only preference that should be catered to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a vegetarian. In a restaurant I wouldn't say anything in advance. There's always something. Even if the salad has bacon you can easily and quietly request a plain salad.

I'm not in the group that thinks you never mention being veg, but in this case I don't think its necessary. Only one time was I completely unable to be accommodated (it was at a Chinese restaurant - in the south! - at a large party served family style, and they just kept saying I could have white rice and they were unable to serve anything else). I picked at some plain rice and stopped at a sandwich place after .

The restaurant kept saying that!? Crazy. What Chinese restaurant doesn't have a mixed veggie dish or tofu dish on its menu?! I certainly hope you mean the party you were dining with didn't keep saying that . . .

NP here. I'm Chinese and there are some restaurants that cannot accommodate if you are vegetarian or vegan. The problem is having a vegetable based dish, it's having one that is strictly vegetarian. There are some restaurants that use Hoison or Oyster sauce (both seafood based) in most of their dishes. Many use chicken stock routinely in all cooking. And there is no guarantee that even the soy sauce is completely vegetarian. While the main recipe/process is vegetarian, most soy sauce companies also produce other sauces that are not vegetarian and do not guarantee that there is no cross contamination unless they specifically do so on the label. In those cases, they set aside equipment specifically for certain products to avoid cross-contamination and label the products accordingly. This restaurant probably did not have the procedures in place to guarantee that a dish was entirely vegetarian and had been coached to say they did not have any vegetarian products on the menu. It's safer than way than to serve someone something and they find out that they complained because a tablespoon of chicken broth had been added or because a tablespoon or fish-based sauce was used. Many such restaurants are run by families where English is a second language and they don't understand enough English to know all the nuances of a foreign different dietary restraint and rather than get in trouble for trying to do the right thing and then getting yelled at, blamed, they just don't accommodate a request that they don't completely understand.

And lest you think this is a simple problem, it isn't. I have actually seen vegetarians go into a Chinese restaurant and order what they assume to be vegetarian food only to find seafood based sauces or chicken broth in the order and severely berate the restaurant for not advertising that they use animal products in their sauces. I know several restaurants where they don't want to deal with this and just say they don't have anything vegetarian on the menu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't mention it, unless you are specifically asked for your preference.

I eat a paleo, ketogenic diet for health reasons. I rarely find bar food or party food that's acceptable to me, but I would *never* mention this to a host, either beforehand or after hand. I simply try to eat before or after an event or find a snack that is acceptable to me.

I think you mean bars or parties where you're roaming around and can eat or not eat from a buffet. How would you handle this in a sit down setting if you don't say anything to anyone? Sit there with an empty plate? You don't think your host or others at your table would say - why aren't you eating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

You don't. You eat the butter mints, cucumber sandwiches and drink the punch. You'll live.

[Anonymous]

Jainism mandates vegetarianism for all of its followers. Religions such as Buddhism may recommend it, but it isn't mandatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you relatively close to the host? If I was hosting, I would want to know about dietary restrictions. But I always ask as part of the invitation and RSVP process.

If you're that close, you'd KNOW that you have vegetarian friends. Choosing to be a vegetarian doesn't mean dietary restrictions. Lactose intolerance and shellfish allergies mean dietary restrictions

[Anonymous]

they way people hand wring over a single meal in their lives really astounds me. come on, OP. you know what to do. You really do. You don't say a word, you make sure you have a decent meal before the shower, you eat what your able to and you enjoy to celebrate your friends/loved one. Geeze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:they way people hand wring over a single meal in their lives really astounds me. come on, OP. you know what to do. You really do. You don't say a word, you make sure you have a decent meal before the shower, you eat what your able to and you enjoy to celebrate your friends/loved one. Geeze.

Precisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand how grown-ups can be so clueless. When you are a picky eater (and yes, being a vegetarian is the same as being a picky eater...as opposed to the person who is willing to try anything), it's your issue. Nobody is obligated to jump through hoops for you. When food is served, you eat what appeals to you and skip whatever doesn't. Easy peasy.

I'm sure there will be a side salad and dessert. You'll live.

I once had someone tell me he's gluten free, dairy free and vegetarian...and he asked me what he would be able to eat at an event I was hosting. I said, "I suppose fruit and salad, right? I mean, what *do you eat* IRL?"

FWIW, the people I know with life threatening food allergies are far more easygoing and less demanding than vegetarians and those who are dairy free and gluten free (largely by choice and not for medical reasons).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

Ugh shut up. If you don't think the above takes a lot of work and money, you are both spoiled and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:they way people hand wring over a single meal in their lives really astounds me. come on, OP. you know what to do. You really do. You don't say a word, you make sure you have a decent meal before the shower, you eat what your able to and you enjoy to celebrate your friends/loved one. Geeze.

Precisely.

Yes. It's one meal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

Noooooo! This is not the host's problem. If you have an allergy, ok, but not because you choose to be veg. If you have a religious objection to eating meat, maybe. But your lifestyle choice, take a clue from Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) in Notting Hill and be polite and eat what you can. Approach wait staff if you think you must, but don't give the host any more to worry about.

Seriously, how hard is it to say "have three vegetarian meals on hand?" That took 10 seconds to type, 5 seconds to say to the caterer. This is not a big deal.

But how hard is it so make a reservation for 25 and have to explain to the caterer "I need 3 vegetarian meals, plus 2 gluten free meals. We have four people who have nut allergies, so please make sure that there are no nuts or peanuts in any of the meal. Oh yes and we need at least one sugar free option for dessert. And two people deathly allergic to shellfish so no shellfish in any of the meal. And two people who are lactose intolerant so need options without dairy, yogurt or cheese." And then the hostess has to confirm all this and verify it before the event.

Requests should be reserved for people who actually might get ill enough to need an emergency room, e.g. serious allergies, before you bother the host. Otherwise, you discuss with the catering/restaurant staff discretely on the side to figure out what yout options are. Chances are that they can always come up with an option for most dietary restraints without having to involve the hostess.

Obviously you can give a ridiculously extreme example, but even there, look at that, you very succinctly stated it right here, didn't you? Done!

You've never worked with caterers before, have you? When you coordinate with caterers, you have to verify everything multiple times (when you initiate, when you confirm, the day of) and each time they'll want to run t hrough all of the special requests that have been included to make sure they have everything. The host will then need to keep a list of all of the exceptions.

And if you think this is extreme and an exaggeration, you have an especially benign group of friends. In addition to all of the above, we have friends who keep Kosher, friends who keep Halal, friends who do South Beach, friends who do paleo, a couple old fashioned who only eat meat and potatoes, and a few others I can't place off the of my head.

As another PP pointed out, if you think that this "succinct" list is easy to manage just for a bunch of personal preferences, then you probably have never handled this before. Stop being so self-centered and thinking the world revolved about you. Your preferences, you handle it yourself without bothering your host.