How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying that southerners don't understand vegetarianism. But I think there is a LOT more food in the south that is meat centric; even veggies cooked with meat or broth. Doesn't change OP's behavior - politely ask the waiter for all vegetarian sides. But I think PPs are just looking for a reason to be mad - bc without a specific request it IS harder to come across a fully vegetarian option for a meal in the south than it is in NYC.

I'm a lifelong vegetarian, and when I was in Atlanta several years ago it was so difficult to find vegetarian food. Even the side dishes were all cooked in chicken broth, or cooked with bacon etc. Perhaps things have changed but if it's still like that then I understand where PP is coming from. I do agree with the advice that it's better not to mention it and just eat beforehand, then graze on whatever is vegetarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

You are a polite and kind host! But the reality is (as you can see from some of the PPs), most people aren't actually polite hosts and tend to get really weird if someone says they are a vegetarian.

I have inlaws who have known for 9 years that I don't eat meat. I never told them when invited. I have never asked that they accommodate me. But they know because they ask why I'm not eating turkey/ham/beef at events. Even after they found out, they still make zero effort to make non-meat dishes. In fact, they seem to go out of their way to add meat to all the dishes. They put ham in the mac and cheese. They put bacon in the salad. They put ham in the green beans. Pretty much the only thing I ever eat at their events is bread. I'm always polite, but honestly, I think they're incredibly rude.

Wow, that is terrible, PP! Yikes. Sorry you have to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is akin to someone who is Jewish not eating pork; it's part of their belief system.

What religion is THAT?

If you are asking what religion requires vegetarianism, plenty do. Buddhism. Hinduism. And then there are non-deity-centric belief systems that emphasize not eating meat.

The point is that it is a moral/ethical choice, not an issue of palate or taste preference.

Hinduism does not require vegetarianism, but does advocate for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with manners, or a lack of manners. It's a belief system, a way of life, an ethical stance, a religious one, etc. It's not the same thing as sending back a plate with bananas on it because you don't like bananas. Now, if you gave a vegetarian some carrots and peas and they sent the plate back because they don't like peas -- yes, that's completely lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

No no no. If they wanted help with catering they'd have asked guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with manners, or a lack of manners. It's a belief system, a way of life, an ethical stance, a religious one, etc. It's not the same thing as sending back a plate with bananas on it because you don't like bananas. Now, if you gave a vegetarian some carrots and peas and they sent the plate back because they don't like peas -- yes, that's completely lame.

+1. It's like these PPs think vegetarians are saying a big fuck you and slapping you across the face just because they don't eat meat. I can't believe the animosity.

[Anonymous]

You don't. Host does't need that worry. You go and you eat what is available to you and skip what you don't eat. Be gracious and not a whiner. Having said that, did you know that Texas Roadhouse baked potatoes are baked in lard? Pig's lard? Yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with manners, or a lack of manners. It's a belief system, a way of life, an ethical stance, a religious one, etc. It's not the same thing as sending back a plate with bananas on it because you don't like bananas. Now, if you gave a vegetarian some carrots and peas and they sent the plate back because they don't like peas -- yes, that's completely lame.

+1. It's like these PPs think vegetarians are saying a big fuck you and slapping you across the face just because they don't eat meat. I can't believe the animosity.

Agreed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with manners, or a lack of manners. It's a belief system, a way of life, an ethical stance, a religious one, etc. It's not the same thing as sending back a plate with bananas on it because you don't like bananas. Now, if you gave a vegetarian some carrots and peas and they sent the plate back because they don't like peas -- yes, that's completely lame.

+1. It's like these PPs think vegetarians are saying a big fuck you and slapping you across the face just because they don't eat meat. I can't believe the animosity.

Agreed

I agree as well. Vegetarians who made it a life choice, ie, it isn't religious or cultural or medical, are doing it for attention. Look a whole thread of page after page, about "I am vegetarian and I got invited somewhere and now I have to rub it in their noses and make their event about me, because I am am such a martyr!" I hosted many large events and never, ever did a person accept the invitation and then say "I am Jewish, just to let you know, so I can't eat pork." (then unwritten... and I expect your to run around and cook a special meal just for me, and then I will grill you which oil you used, and does it have any traces of pig in it... And they don't expect special dishes for them. I have never heard a celic person call the host ahead of time to let them know about it. It is your choice to be vegetarian, don't make it my/host's issue.

[Anonymous]

^^ disagree, I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do this for a shower. For a sit-down dinner where you would only have limited options, and it's meant to be a whole meal, it would be OK. But for a shower, surely there will be cheese and crackers and crudite. It's not meant to be a meal. Bring a granola bar just in case. Don't burden your hosts or the waitstaff with this.

This.

Don't mention it and make sure you have some food ahead of time. There will most likely be something there you can eat and if not, just deal with it.

My mom is a vegetarian and she'd never bring it up unless she was asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the problem with vegetarians: they're over the top picky and demanding.

I mean, have you ever been to an event that only served meat? Most events include a salad, a pasta, or something without meat. So, what's the big deal?

I don't eat lots of random things (think: mushrooms or onions). I don't feel compelled to point that out to anyone or request a special meal.

I once witnessed a colleague send back French toast because it had bananas on the side. I asked if he was allergic, and he said no. He said he simply didn't eat bananas and didn't want to have them on the plate. That's an asshat diva move imho. So why does a vegetarian get a pass and get away with similar behavior? Shouldn't grown-ups be equipped to eat around whatever displeases them?

Well, I'm not sure, other than the fact that most vegetarians I know don't really want bloody meat oozing onto their other food? That might be it? I've seen plenty of vegetarians who will eat around meat if it's not pooling all over the other stuff. And yeah, your colleague is an idiot, but I have a lot of vegetarian friends and never have I witnessed something that assholish. That's not "vegetarian" behavior, that's being a jerk.

But there's no real difference, pp. That's my point. If my colleague was an ass for sending back his meal and requesting a new one without bananas, then that's just as douchy as sending back a meal with meat.

It comes down to manners imho. It's one thing to be an ass at a restaurant when you are picking up the tab. It's quite another scenario when being hosted by someone as a guest.

Being a vegetarian has nothing to do with manners, or a lack of manners. It's a belief system, a way of life, an ethical stance, a religious one, etc. It's not the same thing as sending back a plate with bananas on it because you don't like bananas. Now, if you gave a vegetarian some carrots and peas and they sent the plate back because they don't like peas -- yes, that's completely lame.

+1. It's like these PPs think vegetarians are saying a big fuck you and slapping you across the face just because they don't eat meat. I can't believe the animosity.

Agreed

I agree as well. Vegetarians who made it a life choice, ie, it isn't religious or cultural or medical, are doing it for attention. Look a whole thread of page after page, about "I am vegetarian and I got invited somewhere and now I have to rub it in their noses and make their event about me, because I am am such a martyr!" I hosted many large events and never, ever did a person accept the invitation and then say "I am Jewish, just to let you know, so I can't eat pork." (then unwritten... and I expect your to run around and cook a special meal just for me, and then I will grill you which oil you used, and does it have any traces of pig in it... And they don't expect special dishes for them. I have never heard a celic person call the host ahead of time to let them know about it. It is your choice to be vegetarian, don't make it my/host's issue.

The animosity on this board goes far beyond hosting issues. No one is rubbing anyone's face in anything. FWIW, I'm a 30+ year vegetarian and have never mentioned it to any host for any reason unless it's a wedding and it's one of the choices. But you're kind of an asshole to suggest that I'm doing it for the attention. Life choices are just those, life choices. Just like how it's also my life choice not to be a jerk to people for the sake of being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Nobody cares if you are a vegetarian. It's your choice, not theirs so don't make their life harder because of your choice. If you can't find something to eat when you're there, pull wait staff aside and politely ask.

[Anonymous]

Just like how it's also my life choice not to be a jerk to people for the sake of being a jerk.


Like this.

[Anonymous]

Vegetarians are jerks and attention hogs.