How to RSVP to an event and (politely) mention that I am a vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If it is a sit down meal, you are trying to avoid being stuck sitting there with a plate full of chicken and having everyone ask why you are not eating.

Cut the food up and move it around. Eat the sides. I don't think most people will notice or care how much you eat.

[Anonymous]

Are you relatively close to the host? If I was hosting, I would want to know about dietary restrictions. But I always ask as part of the invitation and RSVP process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat :)

Well, you start by getting over yourself and your smug superiority. There are many Southerners who do understand as much or more than you do, some of whom are vegetarian themselves. And then there are some who understand and think you are just being ridiculous.

As others have mentioned, your personal choice to not eat meat does not grant you the right to completely breach etiquette and impose your personal choice on the host. You don't make your issue a problem for your host. If you can't possibly figure out how to get around your dietary restriction without imposing on your host, then decline the invitation. But the more normal course of action is to do as others have suggested, which is to eat a little beforehand, discretely ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option, if not, ask the wait staff if they can switch out your entree for extra vegetable sides, or politely eat the sides without the entree and then eat more afterward. But the one thing you don't do is mention it to the hostess. There is no polite way to place an additional burden on the hostess who invited you.

[Anonymous]

You never mention this ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat

I assume it's a sit down lunch - mention it to the wait staff when you get there. Ask if there's a vegetarian option or if they could just do a plate of vegetable sides with no meat on the plate. It's a country club. They HAVE run into this issue before and won't look at you like you have 3 heads. And it's also fine to ask for vegetarian sides on a separate plate -- I don't think meat eaters realize that most vegetarians (esp the ones who have never eaten meat - as opposed the ones who used to eat it but stopped) are NOT ok eating off a plate that has meat on it.

[Anonymous]

I'm from Georgia and have never heard of this "vegetarianism" of which you speak. Is it new? Did you make it up? Do you eat all vegetables or... Is lamb allowed? If you sent this to me I'd just have to serve you up a plate of chicken salad because I'm too darn dumb to understand what it means!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you do, There will be something for you to eat there im sure. I would eat something before you go too, so youre not starving when you get there but have room to eat something when everyone else does.

NP here. This is what I do. I just eat before I go so that it doesn't matter what they serve.

I find people get nasty and judgmental if you tell them you are vegetarian. It's easier for me to just plan not to be hungry. Then I'll eat some cake or something at the event.

[Anonymous]

You don't mention it. You can inquire at the time if dishes are veg. You don't dictate what the hostess serves you because you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a vegetarian, I don't eat any meat chicken or fish. I am not in your face about it. I am invited to a luncheon (Baby Shower) at a country club in a few weeks. How do I politely mention that I'm a vegetarian to the hostess? Or do I wait and mention it to the wait staff? I can always find things to eat at a restaurant. I should mention, however, that this event is in the south where they tend to understand less about why people don't eat meat :)

Well, you start by getting over yourself and your smug superiority. There are many Southerners who do understand as much or more than you do, some of whom are vegetarian themselves. And then there are some who understand and think you are just being ridiculous.

As others have mentioned, your personal choice to not eat meat does not grant you the right to completely breach etiquette and impose your personal choice on the host. You don't make your issue a problem for your host. If you can't possibly figure out how to get around your dietary restriction without imposing on your host, then decline the invitation. But the more normal course of action is to do as others have suggested, which is to eat a little beforehand, discretely ask the wait staff if there is a vegetarian option, if not, ask the wait staff if they can switch out your entree for extra vegetable sides, or politely eat the sides without the entree and then eat more afterward. But the one thing you don't do is mention it to the hostess. There is no polite way to place an additional burden on the hostess who invited you.

Different PP here. OP may have phrased it wrong, but she is right. I have found that it is much harder to get vegetarian food in the South. And I've also found there is more acrimony if I ask about it. Not to mention, a lot of Southern dishes add ham or bacon or meat of some sort to vegetable sides.

I find the French to be the same way. Most of their dishes (even vegetables) have some sort of meat added.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you do, There will be something for you to eat there im sure. I would eat something before you go too, so youre not starving when you get there but have room to eat something when everyone else does.

NP here. This is what I do. I just eat before I go so that it doesn't matter what they serve.

I find people get nasty and judgmental if you tell them you are vegetarian. It's easier for me to just plan not to be hungry. Then I'll eat some cake or something at the event.

Because it's not relevant. What if the hostess served fish or lamb and you don't like it. Would you say you don't like it? No, you would be discreet and not eat it.

[Anonymous]

I'd want to know as a host, and I'd receive it very well if you just said something like, "I'm really looking forward to Jane's baby shower and will definitely be there! If it matters for your arrangements, I am vegetarian. I can always find something to eat, so no need to make special accommodations, but I wanted to let you know in case it helps you with the catering."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't mention it. You can inquire at the time if dishes are veg. You don't dictate what the hostess serves you because you don't like it.

While I agree it's best not to mention it, for some vegetarians, the issue is an ethical one. It's not simply that they don't like meat. It is akin to someone who is Jewish not eating pork; it's part of their belief system.

But your attitude is exactly why I don't mention it to people or expect them to understand.

[Anonymous]

No one is saying that southerners don't understand vegetarianism. But I think there is a LOT more food in the south that is meat centric; even veggies cooked with meat or broth. Doesn't change OP's behavior - politely ask the waiter for all vegetarian sides. But I think PPs are just looking for a reason to be mad - bc without a specific request it IS harder to come across a fully vegetarian option for a meal in the south than it is in NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you do, There will be something for you to eat there im sure. I would eat something before you go too, so youre not starving when you get there but have room to eat something when everyone else does.

NP here. This is what I do. I just eat before I go so that it doesn't matter what they serve.

I find people get nasty and judgmental if you tell them you are vegetarian. It's easier for me to just plan not to be hungry. Then I'll eat some cake or something at the event.

Because it's not relevant. What if the hostess served fish or lamb and you don't like it. Would you say you don't like it? No, you would be discreet and not eat it.

It's not about "not liking it." Would you have that reaction to someone who is Jewish and doesn't eat pork or someone who is Hindu and doesn't eat beef? For some people, not eating meat is about a belief system.

As a host, I would want to know if my guests had religious or ethical dietary restrictions. But as I wrote in that post, I never tell people when invited that I don't eat meat because, as your post proves, instead of being respectful and accommodating, they get nasty and defensive.

[Anonymous]

I would say, , "I'm a vegetarian, if that's an option". If they don't inquire any further re: your statement, then don't assume your comment will be considered. And that's fine. Eat before.