8 year old sleepover party - 3 girls excluded. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.

I'm assuming you have never been left out of a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.

I'm assuming you have never been left out of a party.

Not this PP but I 100% agree with her. Your kids aren't going to be invited to every party. As parents we can acknowledge that it feels bad to be left out but we also have to teach our kids that life is not about parity. Being fair and being equal are not the same thing. It is fair to allow the bday child to invite whoever they want, from whatever class or school they want. Just b/c your child is in the same class, just b/c many other kids are invited does not mean your child has to be invited. END OF STORY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

I think it's crappy and bad manners to invite 7/10 girls in a class to a party- particularly when it's a certainty that they will be talking about the party at school in front of the much smaller number of girls who weren't invited. Unfortunately, people can be thoughtless.
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it to your daughter or try to make it up to her- if you see it as a crisis, she will see it as one too. Just explain that you're sorry it happened, agree that it's crummy, and move her forward building other friendships and connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.

I'm assuming you have never been left out of a party.

And that is your retort? Honestly! Wow.

I am PP and I am in my 40's with a 15, 12, and 7yr old. I am sure there were. Kids invited 5-10 kids for house parties. There was never this invite the whole class PC bullsh*t. I certainly didn't sulk on missed parties and I know my mom wasn't going around sleuthing and gossiping about who was and was not invited. There will be so many more bigger obstacles your kids will have to handle. If they or you can't get over this, it is on you, NOT the birthday girl and not her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

I think it's crappy and bad manners to invite 7/10 girls in a class to a party- particularly when it's a certainty that they will be talking about the party at school in front of the much smaller number of girls who weren't invited. Unfortunately, people can be thoughtless.
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it to your daughter or try to make it up to her- if you see it as a crisis, she will see it as one too. Just explain that you're sorry it happened, agree that it's crummy, and move her forward building other friendships and connections.

So you are teaching her that this girl is no longer her friend and to move on from her? Are kids not allowed have more friends than they invite to a sleepover? I am shocked at some of you moms. Sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

I think it's crappy and bad manners to invite 7/10 girls in a class to a party- particularly when it's a certainty that they will be talking about the party at school in front of the much smaller number of girls who weren't invited. Unfortunately, people can be thoughtless.
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it to your daughter or try to make it up to her- if you see it as a crisis, she will see it as one too. Just explain that you're sorry it happened, agree that it's crummy, and move her forward building other friendships and connections.

So you are teaching her that this girl is no longer her friend and to move on from her? Are kids not allowed have more friends than they invite to a sleepover? I am shocked at some of you moms. Sad

pp here- not what I meant-- but that's okay too. If my friend invited 70% of the girls in my class to my party, but not me-- she's not really my friend, right? Teqch some self respect and find better friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do you all know this exact breakdown of who was and who was not invited? Does this include cousins and outside school friend? I am curious how you know the exact numbers of someone else's party.

My daughter is in 2nd and has never mentioned parties she was not invited and she goes to maybe 8 parties a year between school and outside school friends. So obviously many she doesn't go to. We invited 10 girls to her party. I didn't even ask whose class is who and 3 were outside of school. We sent them out on evite. No one cares or talks about this at our school. Thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

The mean world of girls!

[Anonymous]

Although it sucks, I think it's a good opportunity to not helicopter. Tell your daughter you understand she feels hurt, but things in life aren't always fair, and sometimes people aren't included. It doesn't mean the other girl doesn't like her, but maybe she's just not as close or there wasn't enough room. And don't make her feel worse by making an even bigger deal out of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mean world of girls!

Yes because boys invite every boy in the school to the school?

Or they just don't give a crap about birthday nonsense?

Which one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.

I'm assuming you have never been left out of a party.

EVERYONE has been left out of something. Either as a kid or as an adult. It happens because you're not invited to everything 100% of the time. Most adults, however, have learned emotionally healthy ways to process this so that they're not constantly sad or angst ridden about it. People suggesting OP band together with the other left out girls to have a "f-em" sleepover and talking about how rude this girl and her mom are are advocating the exact opposite. People have things that you don't always get into invited to, for one reason or other. It is not healthy to wallow in it and be dramatic about it. Simply saying, "Oh, well there will be lots of sleepovers in the future and you could even plan one of your one day and invite your friends" is a perfectly good response here. It validates that the DD was left out, but doesn't make a big deal about it, and offers a solution.

I hate to be all "kids these days..." but seriously, resilience is a valuable skill that everyone needs and you don't get it by never experiencing anything bad. Kids have to learn to cope with things like this and handle them in a healthy way. You really rob them of something if you intend to swoop in, make a fuss and ensure they never, ever feel the slightest sting of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although it sucks, I think it's a good opportunity to not helicopter. Tell your daughter you understand she feels hurt, but things in life aren't always fair, and sometimes people aren't included. It doesn't mean the other girl doesn't like her, but maybe she's just not as close or there wasn't enough room. And don't make her feel worse by making an even bigger deal out of it!

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.

I'm assuming you have never been left out of a party.

I think you need some mental help if this is really your outlook. The PP is right.

And you seem to be like you are somehow living in the past of one or two non-invites as a child. The sad thing is, your behavior is making your child harbor these same ill thoughts. Do you really want that?

[Anonymous]

Nothing. The hostess is under no obligation to invite your kid to everything.

[Anonymous]

Let your DD have a sleepover in a couple of weeks (I'd wait a little while so it doesn't seem like "retaliation") and invite who she wants.