8 year old sleepover party - 3 girls excluded. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

By 8 they can decide who they want over and who they don't. Everyone isn't close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers to me are totally different than birthday parties. Those you should probably stick to the class rules and not exclude a couple kids. But a sleepover is like an extended play date, these kids are around eachother in someone else's home for 12+ hours. In that situation it really only usually involves the close friends, not everyone in class. I would tell mg daughter that these friends had a sleepover and one day she can have one too but I would not be sad she wasn't invited or encourage any self pity over it. She's at the age you need to be guiding her toward forming her own friend group as the days of "everyone's included" are quickly coming to an end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the responses in this thread explain how we end up with entitled adults. Nobody HAS to invite someone to their party/house. Sometimes your feelings get hurt. Sometimes you arent invited. You deal with it.

You're missing the point.

What is the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 8 they should realize that they aren't close friends with everyone.

This. DD has not been invited to a few birthday parties and as far as I can tell, has not really cared because she's not close friends with the birthday girl. Now if your DD always thought of the birthday girl as a pretty close friend, I would be hurt too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

I'm usually pretty laid back about whatever works for people, but inviting the other left out girls over just because they all got left out is pretty cringe worthy. It hurts to be left out, but there are healthier ways to process the disappointment and grow from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers to me are totally different than birthday parties. Those you should probably stick to the class rules and not exclude a couple kids. But a sleepover is like an extended play date, these kids are around eachother in someone else's home for 12+ hours. In that situation it really only usually involves the close friends, not everyone in class. I would tell mg daughter that these friends had a sleepover and one day she can have one too but I would not be sad she wasn't invited or encourage any self pity over it. She's at the age you need to be guiding her toward forming her own friend group as the days of "everyone's included" are quickly coming to an end.

Agree. Kids by age 8, don't usually invite the whole class like in kindergarten. Most homes cannot accommdate that many kids for sleepover. Also, it might be difficult for parents to allow kids go to sleepovers when they don't know the host parent well or not even had playdate previously. It's puts them on the spot. Sleepovers are best for a small group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

I'm usually pretty laid back about whatever works for people, but inviting the other left out girls over just because they all got left out is pretty cringe worthy. It hurts to be left out, but there are healthier ways to process the disappointment and grow from it.

I agree that going over the top and making a big fuss with all of the other girls who were not invited is a bad idea. However, if there's one of the other girls who was not invited that OP's daughter is interested in hanging out with or getting to know better, doing something low key like watching a movie together could be a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

I'm usually pretty laid back about whatever works for people, but inviting the other left out girls over just because they all got left out is pretty cringe worthy. It hurts to be left out, but there are healthier ways to process the disappointment and grow from it.

I agree that going over the top and making a big fuss with all of the other girls who were not invited is a bad idea. However, if there's one of the other girls who was not invited that OP's daughter is interested in hanging out with or getting to know better, doing something low key like watching a movie together could be a good plan.

It does not need to be one of the girls that were not invited... just invite a friend, have playdates, sleepovers, DD needs to cultivate own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

No it isn't rude. At 8yrs old girls should invite who THEY want to invite, not who kids are friendly with their moms - especially for a sleepover. I mean, she is 8yrs old, not 4. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

I'm usually pretty laid back about whatever works for people, but inviting the other left out girls over just because they all got left out is pretty cringe worthy. It hurts to be left out, but there are healthier ways to process the disappointment and grow from it.

Yes I agree. This is liking pitting groups of girls against others.

I think 8 is too young for a sleepover, especially with 12 girls, but unless they are best friends or very close, this is not a big deal to not be invited. This thought that parents should invited everyone, 1/2, all the same sex, kids the parents are friendly with etc... is just too much. Leave it at you invite who you want, and others invited who they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Mom isn't your friend. If your daughter likes the two other girls, I'd invite them for a sleep over and make it really fun and go over the top making a big fuss.

This is a great idea. Even if you can't do a sleep over invite them over for pizza and a movie.

How is this any better? The sleepover host is honest about who her close friends are and invites only her close friends. In response, an outer layer friend invites kids that she isn't close to over in an effort to compete with the sleepover. That's just plain weird. Now, if you had said that the uninvited girl should plan to do something fun with her friends or family, great. But to use people who are not her friends so that she has something she can brag about on Monday at school is dishonest and, well, using people.

I'm usually pretty laid back about whatever works for people, but inviting the other left out girls over just because they all got left out is pretty cringe worthy. It hurts to be left out, but there are healthier ways to process the disappointment and grow from it.

I agree that going over the top and making a big fuss with all of the other girls who were not invited is a bad idea. However, if there's one of the other girls who was not invited that OP's daughter is interested in hanging out with or getting to know better, doing something low key like watching a movie together could be a good plan.

It does not need to be one of the girls that were not invited... just invite a friend, have playdates, sleepovers, DD needs to cultivate own friends.

Right. PP here, and that was my thinking too. Have a friend over because you want to spend time with that particular person, not to "make up" for not being included in another social event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 girls in the class. My daughter was one of three not invited. Four additional girls from other classes were invited.
The mom and I are friendly. My daughter of course heard about it at school and her feelings were hurt. I think it was rude to leave out just three. What do you think?

You can't have a sleepover with 14 children. Unfortunately sometimes your child is the one left out and sometimes your child is the one have to leave others out. What would I do? Use it as a teaching tool to explain that it doesn't speak about how this child doesn't like your child. Apparently you don't get that message, though.

They invited 11 girls, at that point 3 more is no big deal. Yes, you can have that many and we have a 1000sq foot house. We could make it work, so if you cannot make it work in a house 2-5 times as big, something is wrong.

You helicopter mommies get more upset than the kids. This is a teaching moment about how life works. To have her still know this girl is still a friend and sometimes they can only choose so many.

But in the parents eyes this is backstabbing, mean girl behavior. The OP even mentions "but the mom and I are friends." and she also has figured out by sleuthing no less, who was and was not invited and exact numbers of each class. This is borderline psychotic and you are enabling your kids to play the victim. To show them this is so upsetting, so unfair, if THIS is actually so upsetting to both of you now at age 8 - you are in for a long emotional battle with your child thru the tween and teen years. The comments of getting the other 2-3 girls "left out" and forming their own sleepover is disturbing. Is this how you want your child to react every time something happens that she may not like?

Parents need to put their big girl panties on. Start acting like a mom and help her see this from the birthday girls position. Remember when we could only invite this many and you were torn? This is how she probably felt. Maybe you arent as close anymore and that is okay. One time, I was best friends with Ann and between 2-3rd we kinda had different friends. But we were still friendly with each other and by 4th we were hanging out again. Not best friends but close. Kids change, friends change, life changes. Just be nice to everyone. Think the best of them and the best of yourself. Then you move on because it is not that big of a deal. Tell her she can have 1 girl over for the night and we will do xyz. It will be fun. The end.

But you moms. You live vicariously thru your kids. You smother, try to fix, rant excuses, and more. And you raise emotionally unstable entitled kids. It is very scary.