Minority women who struggle with dating...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 4 minority women in my professional circle who I am so baffled are still single. 2 are Indian, 1 Pakistani and 1 Nigerian. They are all so stunningly beautiful with yoga and barre toned bodies, illustrious fancy careers and great fashion sense. Do minority women who are successful struggle more with dating?

(Shhh... It's because they're not blonde and/or white.)

No, it's actually probably because they're not willing to date white men, yet are too American to date men of their own cultures. I bet your acquaintances are all second generation women.

The vast majority of successful men in this country are white and those who aren't white are immigrant men. American men of color simply don't do well in large numbers and if they form the majority of a woman's options, she will end up either alone or married to something that should be discarded.

Virtually all first generation Nigerian women I know -- myself included -- are happily married at young ages. But we are all married either to fellow first generation Nigerian men or to white men. I married a Jewish man at 26. My sister married an ultra white bread Kansas-raised white man at 29. My cousins are all married to Nigerian men. The only divorced woman in my circle is the second generation Nigerian who married an African American man. He was actually well educated, but was unfaithful and more into clubbing than building a family. Most African American men simply don't have good family values because they weren't raised with them.

Interesting. My African American girlfriend married a Nigerian guy who cheated on her while she was pregnant with their second child. Maybe it's just he African blood that runs through both African American and African men. Using your logic, they both don't have good family values because they weren't raised with them. Or, and let's not forget Barak Hussein Obama, Sr and his multiple wives to love them and leave them. He was African too, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 4 minority women in my professional circle who I am so baffled are still single. 2 are Indian, 1 Pakistani and 1 Nigerian. They are all so stunningly beautiful with yoga and barre toned bodies, illustrious fancy careers and great fashion sense. Do minority women who are successful struggle more with dating?

(Shhh... It's because they're not blonde and/or white.)

No, it's actually probably because they're not willing to date white men, yet are too American to date men of their own cultures. I bet your acquaintances are all second generation women.

The vast majority of successful men in this country are white and those who aren't white are immigrant men. American men of color simply don't do well in large numbers and if they form the majority of a woman's options, she will end up either alone or married to something that should be discarded.

Virtually all first generation Nigerian women I know -- myself included -- are happily married at young ages. But we are all married either to fellow first generation Nigerian men or to white men. I married a Jewish man at 26. My sister married an ultra white bread Kansas-raised white man at 29. My cousins are all married to Nigerian men. The only divorced woman in my circle is the second generation Nigerian who married an African American man. He was actually well educated, but was unfaithful and more into clubbing than building a family. Most African American men simply don't have good family values because they weren't raised with them.

You do know Nigerian men are notorious for cheating on their spouses, right?

You sound like an AA insulted by PP's candor. She isn't lying. The stats on AA men and marriage are dismal. There was even a study confirming they are the most likely to cheat. Taking shots at more successful communities doesn't fix the cracks in yours.

PP isn't lying either, Nigerian men are known for being unapologetically unfaithful.

Faithful or not, the African men I see around are devoted to their families and work hard for them. The AA men not so much.

Infidelity is a common problem in marriage, but when you're also dealing with someone who doesn't work hard, is a poor parent, and has no concept of family, there's nothing to hold together.

I think this is what is plaguing AA communities whereas I don't think anyone can dispute that African communities are strong.

+1.

Sad, and true.

'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. High maintenance is my guess, too. However, it's also a shame when a woman can't find a man because there just aren't any, in her community, that are at her career level. This is actually an issue nationwide, as women are now out striding men in terms of college graduation and employment rates.

Plus, I'm going out on a limb here and saying most guys aren't looking for a woman who matches or eclipses them professionally.

This could be the case, since many men--especially from some cultures--will have pretty traditional attitudes about being the breadwinner, etc. I attended an HBCU, and many of my classmates have been very successful over the years. Several are lawyers, one has a Ph.D., etc. Nonetheless, only two of us are married, and we are all late 30s. Several live in the DC area. Just not enough eligible men of color to go around, IMO.

As a woman of color I can say this; Stop limiting yourselves to just men of color. You do that and you shorten your numbers considerably. Why not broaden your horizons to all men?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, there is still some stigma of darker skin. I know in Indian culture, fair skin is highly sought after. I also see far less white men with black women while I see many white men with East Asian and Latina women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, there is still some stigma of darker skin. I know in Indian culture, fair skin is highly sought after. I also see far less white men with black women while I see many white men with East Asian and Latina women.

Correlation is not causation.

It may be about the "stigma of darker skin," or about education/ jobs/ beauty/ charm.

[Anonymous]

I am Pakistani and I see a lot of my very westernized, secular, accomplished girlfriend be single into their 30s.It is primarily due to them being late bloomers. In the SA community, a lot of emphasis in placed on being bookish and academically inclined in certain households. Many Pakistani-American moms who were themselves forced into arrange marriages when they were very young, work to ensure their daughters have more opportunities. They focus on their education and career and career and do not tell them how to be feminine and flirty. There are of course also Pakistani-American girls who are ultra feminine and sought after but they are groomed from a very early age to seek out a wealthy doctor-type husband and are married by the time they finish their college or graduate degree.

The bookish academic girls grow up to be westernized and accomplished. Usually around 30 they realize they missed the arrange marriage train and work on their looks to become more feminine and desirable. By that point, their accomplishments, education and independence scares off would be Pakistani suitors and the only ones left are honestly white men. The friends I have who married later married white American men. One gorgeous woman married a much older Palestinian man but divorced 2 years later because she was too independent and westernized for him.She is now single and I hope she starts dating white guys.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. I only skimmed a few pages here but I think the answer to OP's question lies in all the assumptions flying around. Then there are the assumptions about assumptions...

Some people date and marry based on those assumptions, some people stay single. All end up disappointed in one way or another.

My own is that women who are both smart and beautiful - from any ethnicity or background - generally have higher standards and a longer search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Pakistani and I see a lot of my very westernized, secular, accomplished girlfriend be single into their 30s.It is primarily due to them being late bloomers. In the SA community, a lot of emphasis in placed on being bookish and academically inclined in certain households. Many Pakistani-American moms who were themselves forced into arrange marriages when they were very young, work to ensure their daughters have more opportunities. They focus on their education and career and career and do not tell them how to be feminine and flirty. There are of course also Pakistani-American girls who are ultra feminine and sought after but they are groomed from a very early age to seek out a wealthy doctor-type husband and are married by the time they finish their college or graduate degree.

The bookish academic girls grow up to be westernized and accomplished. Usually around 30 they realize they missed the arrange marriage train and work on their looks to become more feminine and desirable. By that point, their accomplishments, education and independence scares off would be Pakistani suitors and the only ones left are honestly white men. The friends I have who married later married white American men. One gorgeous woman married a much older Palestinian man but divorced 2 years later because she was too independent and westernized for him.She is now single and I hope she starts dating white guys.

i'm not gonna lie - i don't date pak-americans because i'm too worried there might be some crazy people in their families (here or back in pak). You never know if some third cousin in caught up in ISI or ISI funded terror group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am Pakistani and I see a lot of my very westernized, secular, accomplished girlfriend be single into their 30s.It is primarily due to them being late bloomers. In the SA community, a lot of emphasis in placed on being bookish and academically inclined in certain households. Many Pakistani-American moms who were themselves forced into arrange marriages when they were very young, work to ensure their daughters have more opportunities. They focus on their education and career and career and do not tell them how to be feminine and flirty. There are of course also Pakistani-American girls who are ultra feminine and sought after but they are groomed from a very early age to seek out a wealthy doctor-type husband and are married by the time they finish their college or graduate degree.

The bookish academic girls grow up to be westernized and accomplished. Usually around 30 they realize they missed the arrange marriage train and work on their looks to become more feminine and desirable. By that point, their accomplishments, education and independence scares off would be Pakistani suitors and the only ones left are honestly white men. The friends I have who married later married white American men. One gorgeous woman married a much older Palestinian man but divorced 2 years later because she was too independent and westernized for him.She is now single and I hope she starts dating white guys.

I'm Asian-American. Grew up in a very strict household. I was a nerd. When I went to Harvard, there were other fellow nerds and I made a ton of friends. I had a lot of suitors. I did end up marrying a doctor who wasn't very nerdy. I was quite shy and still am. I have a naturally nice figure and don't wear much make up. I'm almost 40 and still only take about 2 minutes to get ready.

If you are even slightly physically attractive, guys will seek you out. There was no shortage of educated guys in Boston.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there's a delicate balance. They want you to have an Ivy degree, but in Russian literature, not bioinformatics. Have a good family, but don't be a CEO. I mean, high-income guys aren't marrying housekeepers but they're also not marrying their boss (assuming for the sake of argument their boss is female).

I mean this problem goes way back and I'm not sure race or culture is the problem. Queen Elizabeth never married either, right?

what's wrong with a degree in russian lit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 4 minority women in my professional circle who I am so baffled are still single. 2 are Indian, 1 Pakistani and 1 Nigerian. They are all so stunningly beautiful with yoga and barre toned bodies, illustrious fancy careers and great fashion sense. Do minority women who are successful struggle more with dating?

(Shhh... It's because they're not blonde and/or white.)

No, it's actually probably because they're not willing to date white men, yet are too American to date men of their own cultures. I bet your acquaintances are all second generation women.

The vast majority of successful men in this country are white and those who aren't white are immigrant men. American men of color simply don't do well in large numbers and if they form the majority of a woman's options, she will end up either alone or married to something that should be discarded.

Virtually all first generation Nigerian women I know -- myself included -- are happily married at young ages. But we are all married either to fellow first generation Nigerian men or to white men. I married a Jewish man at 26. My sister married an ultra white bread Kansas-raised white man at 29. My cousins are all married to Nigerian men. The only divorced woman in my circle is the second generation Nigerian who married an African American man. He was actually well educated, but was unfaithful and more into clubbing than building a family. Most African American men simply don't have good family values because they weren't raised with them.

Interesting. My African American girlfriend married a Nigerian guy who cheated on her while she was pregnant with their second child. Maybe it's just he African blood that runs through both African American and African men. Using your logic, they both don't have good family values because they weren't raised with them. Or, and let's not forget Barak Hussein Obama, Sr and his multiple wives to love them and leave them. He was African too, right?

You claim to know so much about Africans yet you don't know that they typically don't take American women seriously?

[Anonymous]

Interesting that the African Americans in the thread are upset with what the African PP said about African American men...but none of you have actually tried to deny that African American men are poor choices for a woman looking for a good man.

How could you refute it? The proof's in the pudding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that the African Americans in the thread are upset with what the African PP said about African American men...but none of you have actually tried to deny that African American men are poor choices for a woman looking for a good man.

How could you refute it? The proof's in the pudding.

How do you know who in this thread is African American? You're full of assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know that they are struggling, or do you just assume that's the case because they are not married?

I do not know them that well. I see their posts on social media where they lament being single or still looking for love. Its astounding since they are so attractive, westernized and accomplished. I know 2 of them are extremely picky, they are looking for men who are more accomplished or famous than they are. They remind me of Amal Clooney.

Yep, they don't want to settle and I don't blame them. But if they're making 6-figures, they expect the guy they find to wine-and-dine they on a 7-figure income. Kind of hard to do and they're limiting their selection pool to boot. Unless they're going to take a year off from work and just search for a husband/wife 24/7 they'll be Amal at 38 and everyone surprised she's actually found the 'one'. It can definitely happen. Just be prepared to wait longer.

OP's friends can lock down a guy like this if they are willing to get with guys 10-20 years older than them like huma and amal. I'm guessing OP's friends don't give the 45+ crowd a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Pakistani and I see a lot of my very westernized, secular, accomplished girlfriend be single into their 30s.It is primarily due to them being late bloomers. In the SA community, a lot of emphasis in placed on being bookish and academically inclined in certain households. Many Pakistani-American moms who were themselves forced into arrange marriages when they were very young, work to ensure their daughters have more opportunities. They focus on their education and career and career and do not tell them how to be feminine and flirty. There are of course also Pakistani-American girls who are ultra feminine and sought after but they are groomed from a very early age to seek out a wealthy doctor-type husband and are married by the time they finish their college or graduate degree.

The bookish academic girls grow up to be westernized and accomplished. Usually around 30 they realize they missed the arrange marriage train and work on their looks to become more feminine and desirable. By that point, their accomplishments, education and independence scares off would be Pakistani suitors and the only ones left are honestly white men. The friends I have who married later married white American men. One gorgeous woman married a much older Palestinian man but divorced 2 years later because she was too independent and westernized for him.She is now single and I hope she starts dating white guys.

I'm Asian-American. Grew up in a very strict household. I was a nerd. When I went to Harvard, there were other fellow nerds and I made a ton of friends. I had a lot of suitors. I did end up marrying a doctor who wasn't very nerdy. I was quite shy and still am. I have a naturally nice figure and don't wear much make up. I'm almost 40 and still only take about 2 minutes to get ready.

If you are even slightly physically attractive, guys will seek you out. There was no shortage of educated guys in Boston.

If you are East Asian American (Chinese, Korean, Japanese), you did not have a problem with suitors because ironically despite educated women having problems with eligible suitors, educated East Asian American women are still highly sought after. They are kind of the outlier to otherwise what every other educated woman of every race (including white) struggle with.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2015/09/08/dont-let-date-onomics-get-you-down/

2. Asian American women aren’t hurt by the “man deficit.”

Since 67 percent of Asian American women ages 30 to 34 have a college degree, versus 38 percent for all women, Birger assumed that Asian American women “would be far more affected by the man deficit than women from other racial or ethnic groups.” Instead, he found that they don’t have trouble finding a mate.

Eighty-eight percent of Asian American women (ages 30 to 34) are married or have been married, the book notes, compared to 77 percent for white women, 73 percent for Hispanic women and 46 percent for black women. The reason, according to Birger, who cites OkCupid data and other psychological experiments, is that men of all races find Asian women to be the most attractive.