Minority women who struggle with dating...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. High maintenance is my guess, too. However, it's also a shame when a woman can't find a man because there just aren't any, in her community, that are at her career level. This is actually an issue nationwide, as women are now out striding men in terms of college graduation and employment rates.

Plus, I'm going out on a limb here and saying most guys aren't looking for a woman who matches or eclipses them professionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. High maintenance is my guess, too. However, it's also a shame when a woman can't find a man because there just aren't any, in her community, that are at her career level. This is actually an issue nationwide, as women are now out striding men in terms of college graduation and employment rates.

Plus, I'm going out on a limb here and saying most guys aren't looking for a woman who matches or eclipses them professionally.

This could be the case, since many men--especially from some cultures--will have pretty traditional attitudes about being the breadwinner, etc. I attended an HBCU, and many of my classmates have been very successful over the years. Several are lawyers, one has a Ph.D., etc. Nonetheless, only two of us are married, and we are all late 30s. Several live in the DC area. Just not enough eligible men of color to go around, IMO.

[Anonymous]

The problem is Wash DC.

I am convinced of this. So many great women are single. I think the men in DC are too picky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. High maintenance is my guess, too. However, it's also a shame when a woman can't find a man because there just aren't any, in her community, that are at her career level. This is actually an issue nationwide, as women are now out striding men in terms of college graduation and employment rates.

Plus, I'm going out on a limb here and saying most guys aren't looking for a woman who matches or eclipses them professionally.

This could be the case, since many men--especially from some cultures--will have pretty traditional attitudes about being the breadwinner, etc. I attended an HBCU, and many of my classmates have been very successful over the years. Several are lawyers, one has a Ph.D., etc. Nonetheless, only two of us are married, and we are all late 30s. Several live in the DC area. Just not enough eligible men of color to go around, IMO.

gilbert arenas not good enough for you ladies?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BIsrP66Du2i/?taken-by=no.chill.gil&hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/p/BK16k5rD5yt/?taken-by=no.chill.gil&hl=en



100 million not good enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. High maintenance is my guess, too. However, it's also a shame when a woman can't find a man because there just aren't any, in her community, that are at her career level. This is actually an issue nationwide, as women are now out striding men in terms of college graduation and employment rates.

uhh that's all on the ladies. men have been 'marrying down' for millenia when it comes to career/education. I thought modern women and feminism means we should treat women like men in all aspects.

So therefore, we should expect women to marry down with the same propensity, yes?

[Anonymous]

I see it all the time. Incredibly smart, minority women who are destined to be single. The ones I know are not high maintenance. And their standards are just common sense not an impossible list of qualities a man must have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 4 minority women in my professional circle who I am so baffled are still single. 2 are Indian, 1 Pakistani and 1 Nigerian. They are all so stunningly beautiful with yoga and barre toned bodies, illustrious fancy careers and great fashion sense. Do minority women who are successful struggle more with dating?

(Shhh... It's because they're not blonde and/or white.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see it all the time. Incredibly smart, minority women who are destined to be single. The ones I know are not high maintenance. And their standards are just common sense not an impossible list of qualities a man must have.

It seems like if they didn't meet their significant other in college or grad school it's tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(grabs popcorn) I plan to follow this thread, but first, let me add.

Ratio of men to women is def and issue that can't be ignored, add to that the large percentage of gay men in this area (DC metro). Furthermore, the area is very transient and work obsessed (tho not necessarily connected).

Of course you understand, however, being beautiful and toned does not a wife make. It helps get the guy, but then what? Having a great job does not help either. Often those are the women who act like they don't need a guy. We all know the saying..."Show me a beautiful woman, and I will show you a guy who's tired of *&^%$#@ her!"

IMHO women need to return to the basics...being able to cook, clean and care for a house. They also need to understand the role of submission in a relationship (I am sure I will get flack for this, but it is what it is).

Honestly tho, many smart, attractive women with great jobs will remain single into middle/late life. There just aren't enough to go around, and ones that are left don't fit the bill for them.

I know of a few women who are quite traditional. Clean, cook well, and want nothing more than to be wives and mothers. Professional women who dream of staying home for a few years to raise children. Two of them are virgins at 31. One is pushing 50 and is divorced from a man who abused her and used her for her money. Being more domestic and submissive doesn't guarantee anything either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is Wash DC.

I am convinced of this. So many great women are single. I think the men in DC are too picky.

No what women find attractive in other women men do not find attractive. Seriously, women do not know what is attractive to a man. Just ask your DH about some celebrity/well known woman who you think is attractive. In most cases, the guy will be indifferent.

[Anonymous]

The myth of the power couple? I've seen young people match up and put out this vibe. The trick is the woman is supposed to be accomplished enough to brag about, but still clearly outranked by her partner.

I've seen this with lobbyists and Hill couples. It gets tricky with people of color. I'm thinking of a head of school who went through a number of girlfriends, each of whom seemed suitable in terms of position but outranked him by either salary or prestige. For example, a woman finishing her Ph.D., law student, etc. It was fine until these women entered their professions. Then, he was done. He claimed to respect strong, successful women, but the pattern showed otherwise.

There's a blog for black female doctoral students. A post discussed this at length, how hard it is finding a (black) man who was actually cool with partnering with a (black) woman with that level of education.

I'd marry a plumber in a minute! But, would he be okay with me and my books? The blog post talked about how men may seem to embrace it at first, but start at the negging and some sort of jockeying for power before long.

So sad. I wonder if something like this is at work in the relationships of the women you describe?

I think it works when each person is strong in their own separate field. Maybe? Amal (the example a pp gave) found someone who is far outside her area of expertise. Accomplished and unintimidated because the measures are so different. I don't know. A fabulously successful friend in law and finance found a husband late in life. He was much older and from a very different ethnic community. They seem happy.

Ugh, I get such a headache thinking that it's somehow a punishment to be successful. Everyone I know with an Art History degree is married. Is that another piece of the puzzle? A "feminine" field is acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think there's a delicate balance. They want you to have an Ivy degree, but in Russian literature, not bioinformatics. Have a good family, but don't be a CEO. I mean, high-income guys aren't marrying housekeepers but they're also not marrying their boss (assuming for the sake of argument their boss is female).

I mean this problem goes way back and I'm not sure race or culture is the problem. Queen Elizabeth never married either, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(grabs popcorn) I plan to follow this thread, but first, let me add.

Ratio of men to women is def and issue that can't be ignored, add to that the large percentage of gay men in this area (DC metro). Furthermore, the area is very transient and work obsessed (tho not necessarily connected).

Of course you understand, however, being beautiful and toned does not a wife make. It helps get the guy, but then what? Having a great job does not help either. Often those are the women who act like they don't need a guy. We all know the saying..."Show me a beautiful woman, and I will show you a guy who's tired of *&^%$#@ her!"

IMHO women need to return to the basics...being able to cook, clean and care for a house. They also need to understand the role of submission in a relationship (I am sure I will get flack for this, but it is what it is).

Honestly tho, many smart, attractive women with great jobs will remain single into middle/late life. There just aren't enough to go around, and ones that are left don't fit the bill for them.

There is some truth to this. I've dated plenty of women in this area. I would consider none of them wife material. Great for a good time or a pump and dump, but nothing I'd write home to my parents about so to speak. I got lucky and found one. She grew up in the South. Has a good career, body/hair color I usually go for, but what got me was the fact she had a nurturing or caring side. She's a great mother, thoughtful and grew up in the same type of environment I did (kid of rural, grew up caring for animals). She is very loyal too. We disagree about politics a lot (we don't talk about the election), philosophy and other things. I've never considered those as reasons not be date someone or not be their friend. In any case, those are the qualities men ultimately look for, unless they're not ever into having kids and don't mind being the beta in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is Wash DC.

I am convinced of this. So many great women are single. I think the men in DC are too picky.

A lot of women have high opinions of themselves here...it isn't attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 4 minority women in my professional circle who I am so baffled are still single. 2 are Indian, 1 Pakistani and 1 Nigerian. They are all so stunningly beautiful with yoga and barre toned bodies, illustrious fancy careers and great fashion sense. Do minority women who are successful struggle more with dating?

I personally notice a lot of Indian women won't date anyone other than Indian guys. Not all, but most. That could be the issue. It seems if they're born and raised here that's not so much the case, but if they're immigrants here, they won't date outside their race.

As for Pakistani - it's very similar.

I'm a white guy, I dated an Ethiopian women for a while. She was a great woman, very attractive, fit and sexy and very smart. Things didn't work out but our split was amicable. Unless they're horribly conceded or won't date outside their race, there's plenty of men here.