Husband just walked out the door with the kids...

[Anonymous]

You are being controlled by your "to-do" list and need to be in control. I am just like you so I recognize it. Please try to "go with the flow" a bit more or you'll drive your whole family crazy!

[Anonymous]

You have nothing to apologize for OP.
Your issue is you are getting burned out working FT and doing every single thing for your household. He needs to step up as a husband, father and property owner.

That is the main issue. I'd suggest going to a couples counsellor to try to divvy up family responsibilities better and fairer.

As for how you said things recently, they were fine. You even stated your rationale. He must be upset about something else and acting very self centered. He is the one who needs to cool down and apologize, then set a plan for contributing to the household beyond a paycheck. It's 2016, time to get going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

+1

+100

Using children like pawns in a tiff with your wife is really immature.

I'm the first PP. I agree with you both 100%. Total douche asshole move to punish her by doing something detrimental to the kids. (Plus he stupidly proves her point that he can't handle parenting like she does.)

He should have offered to do your shopping in the morning for you before he went to work. Without the kids.

You need a babysitter though

Presumably he would be at work or something since OP said morning shopping would involve having to take the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

[Anonymous]

op, dont beat yourself up. Yes you were petty. So was he. Give it a break, and apologize to him. Come up with a plan to give yourself some more downtime, that doesnt interfere with the financial reasons that got you here in the first place. Where theres a will there's a way.

Have some groceries delivered via peapod or instacart or amazon. Hammer out a basic order that covers your major meal needs, ((ours looks like eggs, pastas, lots of lean meats and lunch stuff, somebbasic veggies and fruits) and then make a secondary grocery trip when it suits you for fun stuff, for example. a trip to the farmers markets with the kids. I schedules my groceries to come when my husband is home, so that he can help put them away, while we both cook. I'll Batch prep foods, snacks, lunches, find every shortcut that i can to make our life a little more enjotable without more cost. Everything gets paid online, and i hire as many helpers through thumbtack as possible tobtake care of bs chores that we dont have time for. It is not always as seamless as i hope.

But before i sound too preachy, we are also doing very $$$ marriage therapy. One visit is > on week of camp but wayyyyyy less than a divorce.

find time for yourself, so that you can also be kind to him. That is basically what my therapist told me for $600. ???

.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

No I'm a third party witness. I was like WTh is this dad in the doghouse out with 4 kids in their Pjs pigging out on a $30 Starbucks order at 8pm!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

No I'm a third party witness. I was like WTh is this dad in the doghouse out with 4 kids in their Pjs pigging out on a $30 Starbucks order at 8pm!?!

[Anonymous]

He prob met my husband there too. He always prefers to run weekend errands, and stop by Starbucks, than stay and clean, today up the house, do lawnwork or childcare.

Duh. Starbucks >>> Childcare!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

No I'm a third party witness. I was like WTh is this dad in the doghouse out with 4 kids in their Pjs pigging out on a $30 Starbucks order at 8pm!?!

Oh my god this is so creepy! This makes me regret every time when I have shared personal stuff on this forum. Wow, DC really is not such a big town after all, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

No I'm a third party witness. I was like WTh is this dad in the doghouse out with 4 kids in their Pjs pigging out on a $30 Starbucks order at 8pm!?!

8:00 PM is NOT too late for a frozen treat in the summer. The sun is still out for goodness sakes.

Where is your sense of fun and adventure? Lighten up Francis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair enough. What I want to know is whether the husband actually did the grocery shopping, or what. Where is Op?

I saw him at Starbucks, they were all drinking jumbo frappocinnos and cake pops. 8pm.

Well, now I think you are a troll. You BOTH ended up at Starbucks and he was loading them up on sugar??

No I'm a third party witness. I was like WTh is this dad in the doghouse out with 4 kids in their Pjs pigging out on a $30 Starbucks order at 8pm!?!

Oh my god this is so creepy! This makes me regret every time when I have shared personal stuff on this forum. Wow, DC really is not such a big town after all, is it?

You really don't get sarcasm do you?

[Anonymous]

So, five pages, and the OP has yet to return.

What is the OP's husband's job that is "so important" that he gets home every night? I would also be curious if he does anything around the house (kids or otherwise), like cooking, laundry, etc.

The OP owns a business, as bad as it looks, she can bring the kids to work because no one can tell her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And its their bedtime.

Backstory: I have the luxury of a VERY flexible work schedule. I do most of my work from home and when I do leave home to work, I can take my kids with me, as I own my company. For financial reasons, we didn't put our kids in camp this summer, so they've been with me since school let out.

There are 4 of them, all over age 5, which is great. But.

I'm worn out. My husband works VERY long hours, so I'm pretty much on my own 80-90% of the time. I'm spent. He just got home at 7:30, as did we, because we were both working all day (me with the kids). I told him I needed to go out and run a few errands (grocery store and to drop off some things to a friend's house in the neighborhood) and he said he didn't understand why I couldn't just do it in the morning. I explained that it so much easier to do these things without the kids and since he is working all day tomorrow I'd like to get it done without taking along what feels like 500 snacks, refereeing kid fights, etc..

He thinks its no big deal to take them from place to place, but honestly, it rarely happens these days.... maybe once a week. My comment to him was, "You have no idea how hard it is. You wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing every single day."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, because he walked away and 5 minutes later said, "Let's go kids." They were all in their pajamas ready for bed, and as they were getting in the car, he looked at me and said, "I can't do what you do, right?" very sarcastically. I felt so bad for so many reasons, but I felt the worst for my 5 year old boy who was very tired, ready for bed and confused as to why Daddy was taking them all out at this time of evening when they're usually winding down for bed.

I wanted to tell him he's an asshole, but I just gave the kids kisses and told them I'd see them in a little bit.

So. What to do from here? I realize I offended my husband with my comment. I didn't mean to make him feel "less than" but I obviously did.

On the other end, how in the hell does he not get that I am beyond exhaustion? I sure as hell didn't need him to take the kids at night when they're ready for bed... that's when things are nice and quiet anyway. I get a bit of a break then. All I really needed to do was get my shit done without the kids. What did him leaving with them solve?

Help. I need some other perspectives.

Flame away if need be. TIA.

Your husband is a big baby. Why couldn't he have waited to put the kids to bed and then have a conversation with you about how hurtful your comment was. Why did the kids have to be part of his tantrum? How selfish. I get you OP, doing errands with my kids (and I only have 2) is so much more of a hassle than doing things alone. I can do 10 things in one day, whereas only 3 with the kids (feeding them, bathrooms, arguments, whining, etc.) My husband feels the same. Often, we divide tasks and errands on the weekends so each of us only has one kid. It is so much easier and we spend one on one time with each. But my husband totally gets me when I get home complaining about only getting half the things I needed done because one kid was driving me crazy. He gets it because he's been there also!!! Your husband needs to understand that dragging them out in the pajamas for an hour or so is NOT the same, what a ridiculous comparison he chose to make his statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

You're projecting, dear.

And you must have the biggest looser of a husband, dear, if you think a grown man throwing a tantrum and using his kids to prove a point is ok.