Husband just walked out the door with the kids...

[Anonymous]

So the actual situation is: husband works long hours at demanding job and is the breadwinner plus does a lot of work around the house like laundry dishes, etc. Wife is a stay at home mom who buries that lede and prefers to describe herself as a business owner, except she never leaves the house and really is taking care of her kids most of the day. E-bay business? Wife makes cutting remark at husband that he isn't capable of being a father in the way she is capable of being a mother. Husband responds by taking kids on fun adventure, while wife goes on DCUM to proclaim herself a martyr and bask in feedback of other martyr mom's who tell her husband is a louse. Final outcome: husband comes home and empathizes with martyr wife and will now pay for her to have a third party do some of her job for her. What an asshole!

[Anonymous]

I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the actual situation is: husband works long hours at demanding job and is the breadwinner plus does a lot of work around the house like laundry dishes, etc. Wife is a stay at home mom who buries that lede and prefers to describe herself as a business owner, except she never leaves the house and really is taking care of her kids most of the day. E-bay business? Wife makes cutting remark at husband that he isn't capable of being a father in the way she is capable of being a mother. Husband responds by taking kids on fun adventure, while wife goes on DCUM to proclaim herself a martyr and bask in feedback of other martyr mom's who tell her husband is a louse. Final outcome: husband comes home and empathizes with martyr wife and will now pay for her to have a third party do some of her job for her. What an asshole!

What a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

I know several women like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yay a happpy ending, for once. Sounds like you two are doing everything right--getting help with balancing the workload, recognizing and appreciating each other's contributions and difficulties, and focusing on working (and playing) together, with understanding and forgiveness.

+1

+2 thanks for update op good to see maturity here

+3


Also, keep in mind this is a very normal dynamic in households where both parents work, have young kids, and can't afford to outsource much!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

Why do you agree to do all that exactly? Seriously - why? Wegmans is your free time?!

And just because you do all of that doesn't mean that other people have to before they've reached their limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thank you all for your comments... you did, indeed, give me a lot of perspective. I was most shocked to hear that I was being a "martyr" and "dramatic." While I thought those comments may have been a bit extreme, I certainly understand that my reaction to DH wasn't exactly fair and its good to hear these things. I DO NOT want to be perceived that way... by anyone!

Here's what happened:

DH came home about an hour and half later. The kids were thrilled. He grabbed a quick meal out and took the kids for a "healthy" snack (smoothies, to be exact, but not at Starbuck's, thankfully!). He apologized for storming out and said that he genuinely thought that he was giving me a break.

I apologized for my comment, and told him that this schedule was really wearing on me, and we agreed: babysitter more often for our personal sake, the sake of the marriage and for the kids. We know it will be good for everyone. I also added in that I appreciate how hard he's working and I know his long hours are taxing. And he commented that he knows how hard it must be for me too.

So, at this point, its water under the bridge for us both. And yes... for those who inquired, DH does do things around the house, but most of it is on me, as I spent more time at home than he does. Kids do age appropriate chores as well. DH takes out the trash, helps with laundry, washes dishes, does the yard work, etc..

The takeaway: I am tired. He's tired. I work hard. He works hard. Kids are being shuffled back and forth with me (all the time) which is too much, and that's about to change.

Thanks everyone, and please accept my apologies for not checking back in sooner! I genuinely appreciate your feedback!

OP, I'm glad things worked out, and that you're going to get a babysitter from time to time to make things easier. And also that your husband is just a little clueless and not an actual jerk, feeding the kids venti fraps and yelling at them.

I don't get that he's clueless at all - he seems like super dad to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

I know several women like this.

A Dad here. My wife hates grocery shopping. I can't tell you how quickly I trip over myself volunteering to go every weekend. 1-2 hours of peace, strolling around the aisles, large drink from the in-store Starbucks? Plus I still get to be called useful because I'm getting something necessary done? Sign me up!

[Anonymous]

My husband loves Starbucks too, especially at 7am when all the little kids wake up at home and he is already long gone...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

I know several women like this.

A Dad here. My wife hates grocery shopping. I can't tell you how quickly I trip over myself volunteering to go every weekend. 1-2 hours of peace, strolling around the aisles, large drink from the in-store Starbucks? Plus I still get to be called useful because I'm getting something necessary done? Sign me up!

Your wife doesn't mind you spending 2 hours grocery shopping?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the actual situation is: husband works long hours at demanding job and is the breadwinner plus does a lot of work around the house like laundry dishes, etc. Wife is a stay at home mom who buries that lede and prefers to describe herself as a business owner, except she never leaves the house and really is taking care of her kids most of the day. E-bay business? Wife makes cutting remark at husband that he isn't capable of being a father in the way she is capable of being a mother. Husband responds by taking kids on fun adventure, while wife goes on DCUM to proclaim herself a martyr and bask in feedback of other martyr mom's who tell her husband is a louse. Final outcome: husband comes home and empathizes with martyr wife and will now pay for her to have a third party do some of her job for her. What an asshole!

What a douche.

You must be one of the martyr moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

Why do you agree to do all that exactly? Seriously - why? Wegmans is your free time?!

And just because you do all of that doesn't mean that other people have to before they've reached their limit.

Grocery shopping is not my idea of a relaxing time since I have to do all the loading, unloading, and putting away. Delivered meals--now you're talking!

[Anonymous]

I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

It's fine that you feel that way, but I don't. I don't enjoy going to the grocery store, it's boring, and annoying and I'd rather just continue dealing with my kids or work than go there for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of people suggesting grocery delivery services to moms who get zero time to themselves. I work full time, am the default parent, manage all the household stuff (from laundry to coordinating the HVAC guy to getting things fixed) and sometimes all I want is an hour by myself at Wegmans to hear myself think. I don't want the groceries on my doorstep. I want an hour with no boss, child, or husband making demands on me.

Why do you agree to do all that exactly? Seriously - why? Wegmans is your free time?!

And just because you do all of that doesn't mean that other people have to before they've reached their limit.

Grocery shopping is not my idea of a relaxing time since I have to do all the loading, unloading, and putting away. Delivered meals--now you're talking!

Blue Apron?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the actual situation is: husband works long hours at demanding job and is the breadwinner plus does a lot of work around the house like laundry dishes, etc. Wife is a stay at home mom who buries that lede and prefers to describe herself as a business owner, except she never leaves the house and really is taking care of her kids most of the day. E-bay business? Wife makes cutting remark at husband that he isn't capable of being a father in the way she is capable of being a mother. Husband responds by taking kids on fun adventure, while wife goes on DCUM to proclaim herself a martyr and bask in feedback of other martyr mom's who tell her husband is a louse. Final outcome: husband comes home and empathizes with martyr wife and will now pay for her to have a third party do some of her job for her. What an asshole!

What a douche.

You must be one of the martyr moms.

No. Just not a douche.