Husband just walked out the door with the kids...

[Anonymous]

And its their bedtime.

Backstory: I have the luxury of a VERY flexible work schedule. I do most of my work from home and when I do leave home to work, I can take my kids with me, as I own my company. For financial reasons, we didn't put our kids in camp this summer, so they've been with me since school let out.

There are 4 of them, all over age 5, which is great. But.

I'm worn out. My husband works VERY long hours, so I'm pretty much on my own 80-90% of the time. I'm spent. He just got home at 7:30, as did we, because we were both working all day (me with the kids). I told him I needed to go out and run a few errands (grocery store and to drop off some things to a friend's house in the neighborhood) and he said he didn't understand why I couldn't just do it in the morning. I explained that it so much easier to do these things without the kids and since he is working all day tomorrow I'd like to get it done without taking along what feels like 500 snacks, refereeing kid fights, etc..

He thinks its no big deal to take them from place to place, but honestly, it rarely happens these days.... maybe once a week. My comment to him was, "You have no idea how hard it is. You wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing every single day."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, because he walked away and 5 minutes later said, "Let's go kids." They were all in their pajamas ready for bed, and as they were getting in the car, he looked at me and said, "I can't do what you do, right?" very sarcastically. I felt so bad for so many reasons, but I felt the worst for my 5 year old boy who was very tired, ready for bed and confused as to why Daddy was taking them all out at this time of evening when they're usually winding down for bed.

I wanted to tell him he's an asshole, but I just gave the kids kisses and told them I'd see them in a little bit.

So. What to do from here? I realize I offended my husband with my comment. I didn't mean to make him feel "less than" but I obviously did.

On the other end, how in the hell does he not get that I am beyond exhaustion? I sure as hell didn't need him to take the kids at night when they're ready for bed... that's when things are nice and quiet anyway. I get a bit of a break then. All I really needed to do was get my shit done without the kids. What did him leaving with them solve?

Help. I need some other perspectives.

Flame away if need be. TIA.

[Anonymous]

Let him have his tantrum. Go do the things you wanted to get done.

[Anonymous]

You've had an exhausting week and so has he - if he normally isn't a jerk, I'd write it off to Friday night exhaustion and request peace. However, your request to run errands sans kids is totally reasonable. You need some downtime if you have had all kids all summer while working - I'd hire a babysitter for a day this week and go run errands and hit the spa

[Anonymous]

You need regularly scheduled time away from the kids so you don't get to this point. Focus on getting to that, via dh or babysitter.

A random outing with dad at bedtime will not hurt them at all. Kids like the occasional curveball. Don't make a big thing of it.

He may prove that he can do one outing, when the kids are behaving well because something unusual is happening. But that does not prove that he can do the daily grind like you do. It's a totally different thing.

[Anonymous]

Go away for a 3 day weekend and give him a real taste of what you do.

[Anonymous]

You need a girls trip.

[Anonymous]

You need childcare. Clearly you can't handle all of this (and that's fine - there's no shame in needing help).

And your kids will be fine, don't feel sorry for them. Your husband's not an asshole, he's trying to help. Take a bath or pour a glass of wine and relax. Talk to your husband tonight or tomorrow and come up with a plan so that this doesn't happen again. Also, I don't see why it has to be all four kids or none, can't you divide and conquer? Surely the older ones are old enough to be out past 9?

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so he was definitely being a jerk about it, but I think you aren't really seeing his side either.

Did you end up going to run errands tonight while he was out with them? Did you pour yourself a glass of wine and turn on Bravo? Or did you just stew about how much better you are with the kids and how he doesn't appreciate how much you do while you posted here?

I get it, OP. My husband is the same way. He needs a break after an hour with the kids and thinks he should get a Medal of Honor for doing one birthday party with one kid. I can do multiple parties with 3 kids in one day .

At the same time, understand that you guys do different things. You have different hardships and different things that are stressful and bring. Different things to the table. You think it's easy being away from home and constantly working all the time? I think you both need to ease up on each other and give each other a little credit and a little leeway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

But she had a long day too. Why should he do no part of the nighttime routine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him have his tantrum. Go do the things you wanted to get done.

This. Maybe when everyone is calm, talk about outsourcing something so it isn't all on you. This is my life as a single mother but it doesn't need to be yours.

[Anonymous]

Tomorrow is Saturday. Does your husband go into the office in Saturday? Why couldn't you get up in the am and do your errands while leaving the kids home with him. Him dragging the kids out of the house at bedtime for no particular reason seems vaguely abusive. Why drag the kids out at bedtime when he could have just stayed home and let you do your damn errands?

[Anonymous]

If you've been the owner of your own business for a while now (established) and you aren't making enough to get a little help maybe it's time to reexamine your business. You're going to kill yourself with the schedule you're keeping.