Husband just walked out the door with the kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

You're projecting, dear.

And you must have the biggest looser of a husband, dear, if you think a grown man throwing a tantrum and using his kids to prove a point is ok.

loser, sorry, I needed to correct my insult

[Anonymous]

I thought "all four" was hard until we had #5. Now "only the older four" seem easy. It's all relative.

[Anonymous]

He thinks its no big deal to take them from place to place, but honestly, it rarely happens these days.... maybe once a week. My comment to him was, "You have no idea how hard it is. You wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing every single day."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, because he walked away and 5 minutes later said, "Let's go kids."

Yes, he should not have walked out the door with the kids, but you must have known that was the wrong thing to say. My husband said something similar to me after I got home from work at 11 pm on the day of a trial and he had a rough evening with the kids. No one wants to hear that crap when they arrive home after a tough day at the office.

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

Thank you all for your comments... you did, indeed, give me a lot of perspective. I was most shocked to hear that I was being a "martyr" and "dramatic." While I thought those comments may have been a bit extreme, I certainly understand that my reaction to DH wasn't exactly fair and its good to hear these things. I DO NOT want to be perceived that way... by anyone!

Here's what happened:

DH came home about an hour and half later. The kids were thrilled. He grabbed a quick meal out and took the kids for a "healthy" snack (smoothies, to be exact, but not at Starbuck's, thankfully!). He apologized for storming out and said that he genuinely thought that he was giving me a break.

I apologized for my comment, and told him that this schedule was really wearing on me, and we agreed: babysitter more often for our personal sake, the sake of the marriage and for the kids. We know it will be good for everyone. I also added in that I appreciate how hard he's working and I know his long hours are taxing. And he commented that he knows how hard it must be for me too.

So, at this point, its water under the bridge for us both. And yes... for those who inquired, DH does do things around the house, but most of it is on me, as I spent more time at home than he does. Kids do age appropriate chores as well. DH takes out the trash, helps with laundry, washes dishes, does the yard work, etc..

The takeaway: I am tired. He's tired. I work hard. He works hard. Kids are being shuffled back and forth with me (all the time) which is too much, and that's about to change.

Thanks everyone, and please accept my apologies for not checking back in sooner! I genuinely appreciate your feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

You're projecting, dear.

And you must have the biggest looser of a husband, dear, if you think a grown man throwing a tantrum and using his kids to prove a point is ok.

No one said it is ok. Again, stop projecting. However, him taking the kids out at 7:30 does not necessarily mean he is going to start yelling at the "poor kid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thank you all for your comments... you did, indeed, give me a lot of perspective. I was most shocked to hear that I was being a "martyr" and "dramatic." While I thought those comments may have been a bit extreme, I certainly understand that my reaction to DH wasn't exactly fair and its good to hear these things. I DO NOT want to be perceived that way... by anyone!

Here's what happened:

DH came home about an hour and half later. The kids were thrilled. He grabbed a quick meal out and took the kids for a "healthy" snack (smoothies, to be exact, but not at Starbuck's, thankfully!). He apologized for storming out and said that he genuinely thought that he was giving me a break.

I apologized for my comment, and told him that this schedule was really wearing on me, and we agreed: babysitter more often for our personal sake, the sake of the marriage and for the kids. We know it will be good for everyone. I also added in that I appreciate how hard he's working and I know his long hours are taxing. And he commented that he knows how hard it must be for me too.

So, at this point, its water under the bridge for us both. And yes... for those who inquired, DH does do things around the house, but most of it is on me, as I spent more time at home than he does. Kids do age appropriate chores as well. DH takes out the trash, helps with laundry, washes dishes, does the yard work, etc..

The takeaway: I am tired. He's tired. I work hard. He works hard. Kids are being shuffled back and forth with me (all the time) which is too much, and that's about to change.

Thanks everyone, and please accept my apologies for not checking back in sooner! I genuinely appreciate your feedback!

OP, I'm glad things worked out, and that you're going to get a babysitter from time to time to make things easier. And also that your husband is just a little clueless and not an actual jerk, feeding the kids venti fraps and yelling at them.

[Anonymous]

Great to hear, OP! You're both pretty lucky people to have each other and be able to rationally talk about things and agree on solutions. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Yay a happpy ending, for once. Sounds like you two are doing everything right--getting help with balancing the workload, recognizing and appreciating each other's contributions and difficulties, and focusing on working (and playing) together, with understanding and forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

glad things worked out. But of course he could have taken that 1.5 hours and put the kids to bed. and I know full well that taking 4 kids out for a 'treat' is a lot easier than taking 4 kids with you to the grocery store or home depot.

you need help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yay a happpy ending, for once. Sounds like you two are doing everything right--getting help with balancing the workload, recognizing and appreciating each other's contributions and difficulties, and focusing on working (and playing) together, with understanding and forgiveness.

+1

[Anonymous]

Glad it worked out for the best right now!

[Anonymous]

Good for you, and him, OP. Sounds like a strong partnership so you'll figure it out together (and with throwing some money at additional help!)

[Anonymous]

You are lucky to have a husband that takes care of the kids like that! count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yay a happpy ending, for once. Sounds like you two are doing everything right--getting help with balancing the workload, recognizing and appreciating each other's contributions and difficulties, and focusing on working (and playing) together, with understanding and forgiveness.

+1

+2 thanks for update op good to see maturity here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are lucky to have a husband that takes care of the kids like that! count your blessings.

Dads taking care of their kids should not be something "lucky". It should be the minimum standard.