Husband just walked out the door with the kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, but if he had a long day and is suddenly saddled with solo bedtime, I can see why he would be annoyed.

So, he's taking his anger out on the kids by taking them out when it's their bed time, especially the 5 yr old, just to prove a point? And then, if the 5 yr old is cranky while out, will he get mad at the 5 yr old? Poor kid.

You're projecting, dear.

[Anonymous]

Why are your kids coming to work with you and who watches them.while you're there?

[Anonymous]

She does have a job-- She owns her own business. Can you read?

If the business is not earning enough to be able to send the kids to a camp, and she's burning the candle at both ends caring for the kids while running the business, it is time to reevaluate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, OP. It sounds like he seriously overreacted in a way that was detrimental to the kids and you have a right to be annoyed about that. However, as someone who works long hours, I would not want to come home and immediately be left in charge of putting 5 kids to bed on my own, so perhaps he was just feeling burnt out and irritable.

I agree with this. You sound pretty levelheaded and rational, OP, just exhausted. Maybe let this incident cool off a little bit and when you guys are both in a better frame of mind, talk about your schedules. Maybe your husband would be on board for hiring a sitter one or two times a week where it would benefit you both. You could each have some time to get your obligations done, or just an hour to not have any obligations at ALL. I don't think what he did was right but at least you have thought over exactly what happened and how each of you might have contributed. Talk it out when the dust settles.

[Anonymous]

OP, listen to the PPs who are telling you that you need to do some reevaluation. My husband and I have very flexible work schedules and we have manage to avoid much childcare during the school year as a result. But honestly it is not ideal, esp for me as the uber default parent. I feel like I can't do anything as well as I should, and it sometimes seems like I never get a break. I'm trying to bring my husband around to the idea that even if we *can* be home in the afternoons, everyone would benefit from the kids doing a few days of aftercare. By the same token, it sound like your family would really benefit from sending the kids to a few camps during the summer.

[Anonymous]

So where did he go and what did he do with them, OP, at the late and apparently "detrimental" (per other PPs) hour of 7:30?

[Anonymous]

Op I get this sucks but you are doing it to yourself by taking your kids to work. You've set up a situation where they're always with you then get mad they're always with you. Pay for camp or a nanny for the rest of summer. If you're both working this should be affordable. Quit martyring yourself.

[Anonymous]

apparently "detrimental" (per other PPs) hour of 7:30?

Oh please, no one is saying that the time was detrimental in and of itself. She said the youngest kid was tired and getting ready to go to bed. Obviously it was not in the kid's best interests to randomly put all 4 of them in the car for no reason in the middle of a disagreement between the parents. You just want to be argumentative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

apparently "detrimental" (per other PPs) hour of 7:30?

Oh please, no one is saying that the time was detrimental in and of itself. She said the youngest kid was tired and getting ready to go to bed. Obviously it was not in the kid's best interests to randomly put all 4 of them in the car for no reason in the middle of a disagreement between the parents. You just want to be argumentative.

Not PP, but I have my doubts as to how tired the 5 year old was. OP seems to have a flare for dramatics and in my estimation was trying to gain empathy points for her situation.


You know what else isn't in the kids' best interest?

Being dragged around all day with mom to work, and having to witness dad AND mom petty arguments.

You and others just want to make dad out to be a horrible person. Label him as abusive so you can give the DCUM answer of divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you've been the owner of your own business for a while now (established) and you aren't making enough to get a little help maybe it's time to reexamine your business. You're going to kill yourself with the schedule you're keeping.

+1

Working full time with no childcare is insane. Of course you are breaking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And its their bedtime.

Backstory: I have the luxury of a VERY flexible work schedule. I do most of my work from home and when I do leave home to work, I can take my kids with me, as I own my company. For financial reasons, we didn't put our kids in camp this summer, so they've been with me since school let out.

There are 4 of them, all over age 5, which is great. But.

I'm worn out. My husband works VERY long hours, so I'm pretty much on my own 80-90% of the time. I'm spent. He just got home at 7:30, as did we, because we were both working all day (me with the kids). I told him I needed to go out and run a few errands (grocery store and to drop off some things to a friend's house in the neighborhood) and he said he didn't understand why I couldn't just do it in the morning. I explained that it so much easier to do these things without the kids and since he is working all day tomorrow I'd like to get it done without taking along what feels like 500 snacks, refereeing kid fights, etc..

He thinks its no big deal to take them from place to place, but honestly, it rarely happens these days.... maybe once a week. My comment to him was, "You have no idea how hard it is. You wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing every single day."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, because he walked away and 5 minutes later said, "Let's go kids." They were all in their pajamas ready for bed, and as they were getting in the car, he looked at me and said, "I can't do what you do, right?" very sarcastically. I felt so bad for so many reasons, but I felt the worst for my 5 year old boy who was very tired, ready for bed and confused as to why Daddy was taking them all out at this time of evening when they're usually winding down for bed.

I wanted to tell him he's an asshole, but I just gave the kids kisses and told them I'd see them in a little bit.

So. What to do from here? I realize I offended my husband with my comment. I didn't mean to make him feel "less than" but I obviously did.

On the other end, how in the hell does he not get that I am beyond exhaustion? I sure as hell didn't need him to take the kids at night when they're ready for bed... that's when things are nice and quiet anyway. I get a bit of a break then. All I really needed to do was get my shit done without the kids. What did him leaving with them solve?

Help. I need some other perspectives.

Flame away if need be. TIA.

You absolutely shouldn't have said what you did to him. That's relationship communication 101.

So what do you need to do you need to reevaluate things with your business. Of course the kids are difficult when they have to be at mommy's job all day. So you need to figure out a way to hire some part time help . A worker for you and a babysitter for you and the kids. Ideally you would hire both, but if you can only pick one do so. P

You and your husband need marriage counseling. There are some issues between the two of you communication is a big one and you guys need to figure out how to communicate better before you do permanent relationship damage. You need to find a division of labor where no one fells completely downtrodden or disrespected for their contributions.

Mayb also parenting classes your kids are over 5 they should be able to help out a little more around the house and if needed manage a trip to the grocery store without 500 snacks and constant fighting, but maybe not being at work all day with you would help that.
You cannot do everything. Attempting to be superwoman/supermom does no one any favors including yourself.

I'm sure you support HRC and the First LAdy as accomplished as these ladies are they readily admit they had help. Why should you be any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have they come home yet?

My guess is he went grocery shopping and probably arrived home around 10.

OP and he proceeded to have another argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

apparently "detrimental" (per other PPs) hour of 7:30?

Oh please, no one is saying that the time was detrimental in and of itself. She said the youngest kid was tired and getting ready to go to bed. Obviously it was not in the kid's best interests to randomly put all 4 of them in the car for no reason in the middle of a disagreement between the parents. You just want to be argumentative.

No, I think OP is over dramatic and you just want to castigate her spouse. Was it childish? Sure. Is it that big a deal in the scheme of things if it isn't always happening? No. And yes, several PPs did say it was damaging to the child to take him out at "bedtime" and even that her spouse was likely to yell at him for being tired, which she did not say at any point in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they come home yet?

My guess is he went grocery shopping and probably arrived home around 10.

OP and he proceeded to have another argument.[/quote

Yup, I bet this happened, too. I doubt dad just drove around with them randomly. I bet he made his point but also got something done.

[Anonymous]

The older ones can stay with the younger ones for a few hours I you need to run errands during the week or go to work for a few hours.

Peapod or Instacart is also a reasonable cost solution for groceries.