Husband had a baby with assistant update

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

Sorry to piss you off; understandably, you have a lot to be angry about.

But you outlined a scenario in which your kids will have to visit their father in a 2-bedroom condo that he shares with his mother. It may please you to think about this penance, but you really can't figure out what that will do to your kids? Kudos to you for sheltering them up to this point, but if what you describe is the outcome you want - it will have to be out in the open and you'll have absolutely no control over how they feel about it.

I'm not saying you can or should hide it from them forever, but you'll have to acknowledge that the decision to break up the family was yours. Which means you'll have to talk about that decision. The reaction may not be the loving acceptance you're forecasting.

He made his bed, now he can sleep in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you work? If not, I advise you to start submitting resumes ASAP.

k

Thx. I do work. I have job I love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought he lost his job because of the affair with his subordinate. Did he find a new job?

OP here. Yes. He lost his job but found an equivalent one about 6 weeks later.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you hear people say "only have affairs with other married people because they have as much to lose as you and they won't want to blow up your life".

This story is an example of why that doesn't always work out so well...

(And there's always the "other spouse finds out and calls your spouse" thing, even if there isn't a baby.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

Sorry to piss you off; understandably, you have a lot to be angry about.

But you outlined a scenario in which your kids will have to visit their father in a 2-bedroom condo that he shares with his mother. It may please you to think about this penance, but you really can't figure out what that will do to your kids? Kudos to you for sheltering them up to this point, but if what you describe is the outcome you want - it will have to be out in the open and you'll have absolutely no control over how they feel about it.

I'm not saying you can or should hide it from them forever, but you'll have to acknowledge that the decision to break up the family was yours. Which means you'll have to talk about that decision. The reaction may not be the loving acceptance you're forecasting.

OP HERE
When we are ready, the kids will be told the entire truth. They are 12 and 15 so not little. They are safe in the two bedroom condo and will only be there minimally. My soon to be ex husband is welcome to see them at anytime.

I will NEVER acknowledge the decision to break up the family was mine. The decision to break up our family is 100% on him when he chose to screw a 27 year old without a condom. I don't expect loving acceptance. I know they will be very hurt but I have dealt with this for two years so am now strong enough to really support them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

So when are you planning to kick him out?

[Anonymous]

Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Op be prepared bits easy to be the couple that goes to games and out to eat after- until someone gets a new partner. Much harder then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

Sorry to piss you off; understandably, you have a lot to be angry about.

But you outlined a scenario in which your kids will have to visit their father in a 2-bedroom condo that he shares with his mother. It may please you to think about this penance, but you really can't figure out what that will do to your kids? Kudos to you for sheltering them up to this point, but if what you describe is the outcome you want - it will have to be out in the open and you'll have absolutely no control over how they feel about it.

I'm not saying you can or should hide it from them forever, but you'll have to acknowledge that the decision to break up the family was yours. Which means you'll have to talk about that decision. The reaction may not be the loving acceptance you're forecasting.

OP HERE
When we are ready, the kids will be told the entire truth. They are 12 and 15 so not little. They are safe in the two bedroom condo and will only be there minimally. My soon to be ex husband is welcome to see them at anytime.

I will NEVER acknowledge the decision to break up the family was mine. The decision to break up our family is 100% on him when he chose to screw a 27 year old without a condom. I don't expect loving acceptance. I know they will be very hurt but I have dealt with this for two years so am now strong enough to really support them.

How was it OP's fault that the family is breaking up? Her DH cheated and had a baby with a subordinate! Just because he wanted to stay married, she should do so for the kids? No way. Once cheater always a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

So when are you planning to kick him out?

Legally, I can't kick him out. He will move to the guest room and then move out in November after the divorce is final.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

Op's story is always full of holes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

OP here- What? He is not paying child support. He has not seen the child in months. If he is required to pay child support, the kid's last name is changed to his and he is determined the legal father, he will have 30/70 custody (around 10 days a month) and 50/50 legal custody. The family court system now gives generous rights to fathers.

There is no DNA at this point. None. I have not wanted him to do DNA until my settlement was complete. She has wanted DNA all along. He did not do it because I asked him to let me get my child support in place first.

Do you really think she would go this far if she wasn't 100% sure it was his? Always a small chance but I doubt it.
My child support is in place. The child support she receives goes off the reduced income from what we get.


DNA away at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

Op's story is always full of holes

Kind of hard to fill in every hole on an Internet site.

The legal case is quite fascinating.

[Anonymous]

The parents seem to want to be 100% but are willing to force a 70/30 split and a change of legal father so the bio dad pays? I don't see a court going for this as child's best interest. Is bio dad willing to give up parental rights in exchange for no required child support payments?