Husband had a baby with assistant update

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I know many think I am a troll but I am not. Wish I was. I recieved so many positive, supportive comments that it negated the mean people.

I am marching on, loving my kids and leaning on my crazy, amazing friends. Two years of hell have made me realize how very lucky I really am.

It's because of the child support they want to collect from your husband. What is so perplexing about it?

+1. Obviously they are in it for the money.

Does your husband even have an established relationship with the child? Has there been a paternity test? Do they want him to have a relationship with the child or do they just want money?

+2 this is so obvious to me. I'm surprised the attorneys haven't seen it before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?

The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.

Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.

I believe it is because she would have to pay for it once it is ordered by the court. His lawyer had written to her lawyer that the burden of proof was on her.

A paternity test is $25. You can buy it at CVS pharmacy or whatever drug store you have in Minnesota. I am incredulous that it has been 2 years and paternity has not been established.

http://www.cvs.com/shop/sexual-health/pregnancy-fertility/parental-dna-gender-tests/identigene-dna-paternity-test-prodid-420841?skuId=420841

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?

The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.

Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.

I believe it is because she would have to pay for it once it is ordered by the court. His lawyer had written to her lawyer that the burden of proof was on her.

A paternity test is $25. You can buy it at CVS pharmacy or whatever drug store you have in Minnesota. I am incredulous that it has been 2 years and paternity has not been established.

http://www.cvs.com/shop/sexual-health/pregnancy-fertility/parental-dna-gender-tests/identigene-dna-paternity-test-prodid-420841?skuId=420841

Those will not hold up in court and you need to go to a lab and get it done. He should not be having visits until this is established. The burden is on both of them and he should pay for it just to get it done. He's wasting a huge amount of money on attorney fees to not know if the child is his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, I don't think she's ever answered the question about the paternity test on any of the threads. Does this mean that your husband has just accepted his paternity without a test, OP?

I hope your husband is using some of his money for good lawyers. Also, if he does end up with shared custody, that should reduce his child support obligation, as will his prior family. Yes, he will live very frugally himself, but you should be ok.

Are you going to try to makeup the difference in income yourself?

There is no paternity test. The judge will order the paternity test on the court date. She wants him to take one now but his lawyer says absolutely not.

Obviously, he will take one once ordered by the judge. He has an excellent lawyer.

Why wouldn't he take the paternity test? This makes no sense. Why does a judge need to order one for him to find out if this is his child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.

Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy

OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.

You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.

They are 100% not splitting up. This information has come from her lawyer. He will continue to parent the child as is. The legal father's entire family thinks this is his child. I have messages from him saying how much he loves this child and in his heart it is his child. As far as I know, he is an active dad.

Yes, he will have visitation. Not sure how to explain to my kids why this 2 and 1/2 year old is with their dad 10 days a month. They have no idea at this point.

So the AP and her husband are suing for child support as "co-defendants" (???) but the husband is an active, loving father to the child. What judge in their right mind would see that the kid has a dad in a two-parent household but decide it's in that kid's best interest to change paternity to a single father paying child support for another family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.

Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy

OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.

You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.

They are 100% not splitting up. This information has come from her lawyer. He will continue to parent the child as is. The legal father's entire family thinks this is his child. I have messages from him saying how much he loves this child and in his heart it is his child. As far as I know, he is an active dad.

Yes, he will have visitation. Not sure how to explain to my kids why this 2 and 1/2 year old is with their dad 10 days a month. They have no idea at this point.

None of your post makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?

The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.

Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.

I believe it is because she would have to pay for it once it is ordered by the court. His lawyer had written to her lawyer that the burden of proof was on her.

A paternity test is $25. You can buy it at CVS pharmacy or whatever drug store you have in Minnesota. I am incredulous that it has been 2 years and paternity has not been established.



A cvs paternity test would not work in court.
http://www.cvs.com/shop/sexual-health/pregnancy-fertility/parental-dna-gender-tests/identigene-dna-paternity-test-prodid-420841?skuId=420841

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.

Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy

OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.

You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.

They are 100% not splitting up. This information has come from her lawyer. He will continue to parent the child as is. The legal father's entire family thinks this is his child. I have messages from him saying how much he loves this child and in his heart it is his child. As far as I know, he is an active dad.

Yes, he will have visitation. Not sure how to explain to my kids why this 2 and 1/2 year old is with their dad 10 days a month. They have no idea at this point.

None of your post makes sense.

Why?
Pp

[Anonymous]

You remind me somehow, of Melissa Summers.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you work? If not, I advise you to start submitting resumes ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did your husband ever get a paternity test done?

The court will order it on August 11th. For some reason, she really wants him to take one now. His lawyer says absolutely not until court ordered. Not sure why.

Because if your husband isn't the father, it's all over and the attorney can't make any more money off the case.

I believe it is because she would have to pay for it once it is ordered by the court. His lawyer had written to her lawyer that the burden of proof was on her.

A paternity test is $25. You can buy it at CVS pharmacy or whatever drug store you have in Minnesota. I am incredulous that it has been 2 years and paternity has not been established.



A cvs paternity test would not work in court.
http://www.cvs.com/shop/sexual-health/pregnancy-fertility/parental-dna-gender-tests/identigene-dna-paternity-test-prodid-420841?skuId=420841

Sure, but wouldn't one want to know beforehand?

[Anonymous]

I thought he lost his job because of the affair with his subordinate. Did he find a new job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you cannot give up your rights as a father without an adoption. If they are asking for an adoption, and get it, he would not have to pay child support. Make sure there is a paternity test. They will not reduce your child support and take it from the remaining amount. She can ask for all he wants but it is up to the judge.

Exactly. How in the world is she able to double dip? It's like she is trying to achieve the best of both worlds by having two fathers. One for the emotional support and one for the financial. Crazy

OP here. Bingo! This is exactly the case. However, if my husband is paying child support, he will also have legal rights to the child including some physical custody. This child really does not know my husband except playing in the park with him 2 times a week for about 6 months. He is over 2 now.

What I can't believe is that a mother would give her 2 year old over to a man for 10 days or so a month. What I can't believe is her husband is okay with giving up legal rights. If they are to divorce, he has zero rights to a child he has raised.

You are confusing the issue. If husband is on the birth certificate, then he gets legal rights, but he is not the biological father. I would guess things are not good and they want to split up so that is why she wants your ex to be the legal husband so she can get child support from him. She may not have a choice as to visitation if she insists he is dad (assuming a paternity test confirms this) if he is paying child support, etc. It is not her husband's child and he may not have parental feelings toward this child,

She will get her child support calculated after yours, if you have an order. It probably will not be as much as she things it will be.

They are 100% not splitting up. This information has come from her lawyer. He will continue to parent the child as is. The legal father's entire family thinks this is his child. I have messages from him saying how much he loves this child and in his heart it is his child. As far as I know, he is an active dad.

Yes, he will have visitation. Not sure how to explain to my kids why this 2 and 1/2 year old is with their dad 10 days a month. They have no idea at this point.

So the AP and her husband are suing for child support as "co-defendants" (???) but the husband is an active, loving father to the child. What judge in their right mind would see that the kid has a dad in a two-parent household but decide it's in that kid's best interest to change paternity to a single father paying child support for another family?

She is the plaintiff and my husband and her husband are co-defendants. She needs to take away her husbands rights before my husband can be named the legal father.

You are correct on everything else. The bottom line is what is in the best interest of the child. That is my husbands attorney's argument. The child has lived with his parents for 2 years and the legal father wants to raise him.

Just never know what a judge will decide. I hope he is in his right mind the day of court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

I recall that your husband wanted to stay married and you were torn about divorce. I'm not trying to peddle moral superiority but, as a mother, I will always put my child's welfare first and that includes maintaining a two-parent household. We need both the parenting and the income - the loss of both is a cost to the child.

So I don't understand how you could choose this outcome for your kids. He made a serious mistake, he's paying for it in every possible way, but now your kids have to visit their dad in their dad in this crummy situation? Obviously the facts are now out in the open - do they hate him as much as you do?

Your post really ticks me off. The facts are not out in the open. My kids do not know the situation and I can assure you I have put them and their happiness first and will continue to do so. I have waited for this court case to decide what my next move will be. I have seen many counsellors to get a professional opinion and the hard part is they are often conflicting. I have lived two years in this situation for my kids. I don't regret it at all.


Do you know how many people IRL have told me to kick him out now!! How much unsolicited advice I have gotten over this situation? I am just one person trying to make the best decision for my family, it may not be the correct one, but it is the best I can do.

Ultimately, my decision to pursue a divorce is when I asked myself, "what would I advice my daughter to do?" The answer was to get the f@&k out because you deserve more.

I assure you, we will be the divorced couple together at all the kids activities, going out to eat after, etc. at this point, he still comes to some of my family functions and everyone treats them the same because I have asked them to. I have seen divorces that are brutal on the children. This will not happen for them.

I do not hate my husband. My kids love and adore him and always will. If this child happens to become me a part of their lives, I will encourage them to accept and love him.

Actions have consequences. I will not stay married to a man who has shown zero respect for me but also his children.

Sorry to piss you off; understandably, you have a lot to be angry about.

But you outlined a scenario in which your kids will have to visit their father in a 2-bedroom condo that he shares with his mother. It may please you to think about this penance, but you really can't figure out what that will do to your kids? Kudos to you for sheltering them up to this point, but if what you describe is the outcome you want - it will have to be out in the open and you'll have absolutely no control over how they feel about it.

I'm not saying you can or should hide it from them forever, but you'll have to acknowledge that the decision to break up the family was yours. Which means you'll have to talk about that decision. The reaction may not be the loving acceptance you're forecasting.