Husband had a baby with assistant update

[Anonymous]

How was it OP's fault that the family is breaking up? Her DH cheated and had a baby with a subordinate! Just because he wanted to stay married, she should do so for the kids? No way. Once cheater always a cheater.

I'm actually starting to believe this is a DCUM version of Catfish, i.e., someone who's making up a life to string people along. She's been "living in hell" for two years, planning divorce, but the kids still don't know? That would have to mean that he's still living at home, but he's already paying child support?

But I'm playing along so I'll say that the decision to break up the family is hers because she made it. They're still together for some reason, with the kids totally in the dark, but at some point she's going to divorce her husband, make him move out, make him pay child support and ask her kids to have a relationship with their half sibling.

She decided she deserves better. Her decision. I certainly hope she gets it, but that decision is about her and her feelings.

I get it, some people can't live with a spouse who's strayed from their marriage, but she claims she's done exactly that for two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

OP here- What? He is not paying child support. He has not seen the child in months. If he is required to pay child support, the kid's last name is changed to his and he is determined the legal father, he will have 30/70 custody (around 10 days a month) and 50/50 legal custody. The family court system now gives generous rights to fathers.

There is no DNA at this point. None. I have not wanted him to do DNA until my settlement was complete. She has wanted DNA all along. He did not do it because I asked him to let me get my child support in place first.

Do you really think she would go this far if she wasn't 100% sure it was his? Always a small chance but I doubt it.
My child support is in place. The child support she receives goes off the reduced income from what we get.


DNA away at this point.

Judges can be more generous but not all. He is refusing a paternity test which would solve all this. He is not seeing the child. He is not paying child support. There is very skim chance he will get 10 days a month, especially without stable housing and 50/50 custody when he is not involved in the child's life. He may get a few hours a week supervised, then slowly unsupervised but it will take months to years for what you are talking about at this point. Just because he gets on the birth certificate does not guarantee a name change.

Stop complaining and settle it in a mature way with a paternity test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

Op's story is always full of holes

Kind of hard to fill in every hole on an Internet site.

The legal case is quite fascinating.

It's actually not. Your ex husband could have headed this off well back by taking a test. It's just a standard paternity and child support case, nothing fascinating about it. Why you still live with him and won't tell your 12 and 15 year old kids their parents are divorcing is beyond me but as is your pattern I'm sure you'll come back right around christmastime and fill us all in on what other new completely avoidable issues have cropped up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents seem to want to be 100% but are willing to force a 70/30 split and a change of legal father so the bio dad pays? I don't see a court going for this as child's best interest. Is bio dad willing to give up parental rights in exchange for no required child support payments?

It sounds like the OW and her husband see op's dh as a meal ticket since he's a high earner. I have a feeling it won't work out as well as they are hoping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

Op's story is always full of holes

Kind of hard to fill in every hole on an Internet site.

The legal case is quite fascinating.

It's actually not. Your ex husband could have headed this off well back by taking a test. It's just a standard paternity and child support case, nothing fascinating about it. Why you still live with him and won't tell your 12 and 15 year old kids their parents are divorcing is beyond me but as is your pattern I'm sure you'll come back right around christmastime and fill us all in on what other new completely avoidable issues have cropped up.

This wasn't OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

OP here- What? He is not paying child support. He has not seen the child in months. If he is required to pay child support, the kid's last name is changed to his and he is determined the legal father, he will have 30/70 custody (around 10 days a month) and 50/50 legal custody. The family court system now gives generous rights to fathers.

There is no DNA at this point. None. I have not wanted him to do DNA until my settlement was complete. She has wanted DNA all along. He did not do it because I asked him to let me get my child support in place first.

Do you really think she would go this far if she wasn't 100% sure it was his? Always a small chance but I doubt it.
My child support is in place. The child support she receives goes off the reduced income from what we get.


DNA away at this point.

Judges can be more generous but not all. He is refusing a paternity test which would solve all this. He is not seeing the child. He is not paying child support. There is very skim chance he will get 10 days a month, especially without stable housing and 50/50 custody when he is not involved in the child's life. He may get a few hours a week supervised, then slowly unsupervised but it will take months to years for what you are talking about at this point. Just because he gets on the birth certificate does not guarantee a name change.

Stop complaining and settle it in a mature way with a paternity test.

She wants the kids name changed to our last name. He is not refusing a paternity test. Just following his attorneys direction to wait until court date when it is ordered by the judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

Op's story is always full of holes

Kind of hard to fill in every hole on an Internet site.

The legal case is quite fascinating.

It's actually not. Your ex husband could have headed this off well back by taking a test. It's just a standard paternity and child support case, nothing fascinating about it. Why you still live with him and won't tell your 12 and 15 year old kids their parents are divorcing is beyond me but as is your pattern I'm sure you'll come back right around christmastime and fill us all in on what other new completely avoidable issues have cropped up.

This wasn't OP.

Ok.

It's still not fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How was it OP's fault that the family is breaking up? Her DH cheated and had a baby with a subordinate! Just because he wanted to stay married, she should do so for the kids? No way. Once cheater always a cheater.

I'm actually starting to believe this is a DCUM version of Catfish, i.e., someone who's making up a life to string people along. She's been "living in hell" for two years, planning divorce, but the kids still don't know? That would have to mean that he's still living at home, but he's already paying child support?

But I'm playing along so I'll say that the decision to break up the family is hers because she made it. They're still together for some reason, with the kids totally in the dark, but at some point she's going to divorce her husband, make him move out, make him pay child support and ask her kids to have a relationship with their half sibling.

She decided she deserves better. Her decision. I certainly hope she gets it, but that decision is about her and her feelings.

I get it, some people can't live with a spouse who's strayed from their marriage, but she claims she's done exactly that for two years.

He's not paying child support. Our money is pooled together. Yep, these two years have allowed me to max out my retirement and put away as much as possible for the kids college. That will stop when the divorce is final.


My guilt from "Breaking up my family" does not keep me up at night. I am also not asking my kids to have a relationship with half sibling. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So when are you planning to kick him out?

Legally, I can't kick him out. He will move to the guest room and then move out in November after the divorce is final.

I think someone said it's hard to fill in holes on the internet, but the entire story falls through this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How was it OP's fault that the family is breaking up? Her DH cheated and had a baby with a subordinate! Just because he wanted to stay married, she should do so for the kids? No way. Once cheater always a cheater.

I'm actually starting to believe this is a DCUM version of Catfish, i.e., someone who's making up a life to string people along. She's been "living in hell" for two years, planning divorce, but the kids still don't know? That would have to mean that he's still living at home, but he's already paying child support?

But I'm playing along so I'll say that the decision to break up the family is hers because she made it. They're still together for some reason, with the kids totally in the dark, but at some point she's going to divorce her husband, make him move out, make him pay child support and ask her kids to have a relationship with their half sibling.

She decided she deserves better. Her decision. I certainly hope she gets it, but that decision is about her and her feelings.

I get it, some people can't live with a spouse who's strayed from their marriage, but she claims she's done exactly that for two years.

He's not paying child support. Our money is pooled together. Yep, these two years have allowed me to max out my retirement and put away as much as possible for the kids college. That will stop when the divorce is final.


My guilt from "Breaking up my family" does not keep me up at night. I am also not asking my kids to have a relationship with half sibling. Their choice.

Page 1 at 23:49

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you have your child support in place first. Good luck to you.

i

I do. Thank you. He is paying way more to us than the court would demand considering that child support is a formula based on income differentiation. Guilt is a powerful emotion. Unfortunately, if she gets what she wants including back child support, my husband will have a difficult time meeting both obligations (she makes around 11-12 dollars an hour).

Basically, to pay us and her (and her husband), he will be living with his mom in a two bedroom crummy condo for the next 20 years. My concern is where are my kids going to stay when they are with him, especially if he has this other child 10 days a month.

So you've got the child support in place before the divorce?

There hasn't been a paternity test, yet visitation has already been determined?

Oh, and you know all this because both lawyers waived attorney-client privilege and let you read their notes.

[Anonymous]

So annoying when DCUM sleuths think they've found a hole in someone's story, but they actually just have really shitty reading comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

My BIL just had a child seconds after his divorce .... his wife cheated on him, he left and he got his 1st match.com girlfriend pregnant. He also has a 13 yo and 17 yo. They will never see the child. They have no desire. They will only visit with the child is not there. They are old enough to make the decision.

The 17yo wants nothing to do with the mom, lives with his dad most the time, but leaves when the child visits.

I doubt your 12 yo and 15 yo will ever really know the Other child.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell your husband to move out. Get a paternity test. Stop all the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So annoying when DCUM sleuths think they've found a hole in someone's story, but they actually just have really shitty reading comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell your husband to move out. Get a paternity test. Stop all the drama.

I think she has kept the drama low the way she handled it.