Paying for adult children's vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want/expect them to join you, it would be nice if you paid. If you don't want to pay, I think that's fine, but I wouldn't expect them to come along in that case.

+1

Yep.

My family occasionally offers. We frequently take them up on it, when we have the vacation time and no other vacation plans.

His parents never offer and never go anywhere that interests us, yet gets insulted when we don't go.

This! As some other Pps mentioned, as an adult, I have a relationship with my parents, where if they suggest a vacation, we can feel free to say no. They understand it might not work out for our schedules. But when we do vacation with my parents (and we have kids of our own now), they pay for all of us. It is not necessarily every year or to extravagant places. But they also ask us if it is a place we are interested in prior to booking.

As an unmarried adult, or when DH and I were dating, my parents usually invited us on a small vacation once every year or so and they paid.

My inlaws on the other hand, are local, and want us to vacation with them, but would not likely pay for us and go places we don't want to go. So we do not go away with them because we can see them all the time where we live, and if we are going to go on vacation and use vacation time (and our own money!) it should be somewhere we enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since birth we've taken our 3 kids on nice yearly family summer vacations, places like Hawaii, DisneyWorld, USVI, etc. All 3 are now out of college (we paid all costs) and over the last few years not all 3 have made these yearly vacations because of jobs or other commitments. All 3 currently have jobs and money in the bank.

My question: At what point do parents stop paying for these vacation's if ever? This is assuming they still wish to come along.

Age 18. If my IL's would stop having their "vacations", that would free up more time for us, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rare that we get to take a big family vacation anymore as each of our individual schedules don't match up anymore, but my parents still pay for everything whenever we do anything individually.

Just last week, my mom took me on a trip to the west coast, fully funded by the parentals. I decided to stay an extra week on my own (just because I was feeling lazy and wanted do bum around), and the second I even hinted at it, my dad booked everything and upgraded my hotel accommodations and beyond upgraded my rental car from a Volvo crossover to a Maserati, just so I could have some "extra" fun on my own. I never asked them for any of this, nor do I need them to do any of it as I can afford it on my own, but they enjoy doing it. In a few weeks, my mom will be taking my youngest sister to the Middle East for 2 weeks. Again, the trip will be fully funded by the parentals, and it will be luxury everything the entire time. Even if we begged and pleaded, there's no way they'd accept a penny from us or allow us to pay for anything - even a meal or a drink - while with them.

A few years back, my dad gave us 6 months notice to get our schedules straight, and said that he's planning a mini family reunion and he's picking Dubai as the destination for it. He paid for a huge 8 bedroom villa and it was our immediate family as well as several of his brothers and their families and two of my mom's sisters and their families. He not only footed the bill for the villa, but also for everyone's airfare, all meals, all purchases, everything (for eleven full days). He knew we wouldn't get a chance to do something like this very often, so he wanted to make it happen, and he did. It was one of the most amazing experiences and it's something I'd love to do one day in the future for my family and siblings. (The villa cost $25K and the vacation itself ended up costing $45-$55K) The last trip we went on as an immediate family, was a European cruise and vacation, and for a family of 5 and my dad's best friend joining us, the whole thing cost $22,500 - to do it the way my dad likes to do it.

At the end of the day, it really depends on your budget, your life, and what you can afford to do. Our lifestyle is rather grand and at no point do I envision my parents scaling any of this back we have grown up and are adults. If anything, they do even more now and go even harder with all that they do.

Wow your parents are loaded ?

They are but they aren't as reckless as my post may have made them seem like when it comes to spending. It's just that big family vacations are a rarity so when they do happen, my dad goes ALL OUT. Although the smaller mini vacations we take (usually one of us with our mom) are still pretty lux and lavish, we're always more careful with what we're spending than we would be if my dad was also there. When he's around, if he even feels that we're "skimping" on something, in his own words, he'll get upset. In his eyes, vacations are a time to be care-free and that means any notion of a budget goes out the window so we can do, have, eat, drink, anything and everything we want. During non-vacation times, we are far more practical and conscious of all of our spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's rare that we get to take a big family vacation anymore as each of our individual schedules don't match up anymore, but my parents still pay for everything whenever we do anything individually.

Just last week, my mom took me on a trip to the west coast, fully funded by the parentals. I decided to stay an extra week on my own (just because I was feeling lazy and wanted do bum around), and the second I even hinted at it, my dad booked everything and upgraded my hotel accommodations and beyond upgraded my rental car from a Volvo crossover to a Maserati, just so I could have some "extra" fun on my own. I never asked them for any of this, nor do I need them to do any of it as I can afford it on my own, but they enjoy doing it. In a few weeks, my mom will be taking my youngest sister to the Middle East for 2 weeks. Again, the trip will be fully funded by the parentals, and it will be luxury everything the entire time. Even if we begged and pleaded, there's no way they'd accept a penny from us or allow us to pay for anything - even a meal or a drink - while with them.

A few years back, my dad gave us 6 months notice to get our schedules straight, and said that he's planning a mini family reunion and he's picking Dubai as the destination for it. He paid for a huge 8 bedroom villa and it was our immediate family as well as several of his brothers and their families and two of my mom's sisters and their families. He not only footed the bill for the villa, but also for everyone's airfare, all meals, all purchases, everything (for eleven full days). He knew we wouldn't get a chance to do something like this very often, so he wanted to make it happen, and he did. It was one of the most amazing experiences and it's something I'd love to do one day in the future for my family and siblings. (The villa cost $25K and the vacation itself ended up costing $45-$55K) The last trip we went on as an immediate family, was a European cruise and vacation, and for a family of 5 and my dad's best friend joining us, the whole thing cost $22,500 - to do it the way my dad likes to do it.

At the end of the day, it really depends on your budget, your life, and what you can afford to do. Our lifestyle is rather grand and at no point do I envision my parents scaling any of this back we have grown up and are adults. If anything, they do even more now and go even harder with all that they do.

Wow your parents are loaded ?

They are but they aren't as reckless as my post may have made them seem like when it comes to spending. It's just that big family vacations are a rarity so when they do happen, my dad goes ALL OUT. Although the smaller mini vacations we take (usually one of us with our mom) are still pretty lux and lavish, we're always more careful with what we're spending than we would be if my dad was also there. When he's around, if he even feels that we're "skimping" on something, in his own words, he'll get upset. In his eyes, vacations are a time to be care-free and that means any notion of a budget goes out the window so we can do, have, eat, drink, anything and everything we want. During non-vacation times, we are far more practical and conscious of all of our spending.

Thanks for the explanation. Not that it matters but I didnt judge your dad at all negatively. Seems like he enjoys life in the truest sense - by bonding and helping (even when unnecessary) his family.

In any case i am not one of those DCUMers who make 500k and drive Honda Fit. Nothing wrong with some luxury if it's within the budget.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the responses. It was originally just a husband/wife trip but 2 out of my 3 kids now wish to go which I'm all for and enjoy, but wasn't budgeting for them when we planned the trip. Both have already agreed to buy there own plane tickets and we'd simply pay for everything else. Already had booked a villa so space or added costs are not an issue.

I guess it's just the first time I've had my kids pay there own way, hard to get use to I guess.

[Anonymous]

I would love it if someone funded my vacations. I have more money than my parents and my-ILs. I have several vacation homes in OBX and deep creek, MD. I always invite them and they typically join. It would be nice if the reverse happened but I am not holding my breath. Perhaps the parents that pay for the vacation or vacation home would also like to be treated to a vacation. It just seems like the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want/expect them to join you, it would be nice if you paid. If you don't want to pay, I think that's fine, but I wouldn't expect them to come along in that case.

+1

+2 Especially in the 20's, I imagine that we will offer to pay all expenses for our children (and SOs) to come on vacations if it is some sort of "big" trip like a cruise or touring a country or something. I also can see us reimbursing gas or giving the child a couple of C notes if s/he drives to see us either at our primary or secondary home.

At some point, though, it all shifts. Both of us have parents who are more than capable of paying their own way on trips but we pay for them when we invite them on trips with us. Heck, we even pay for 1st or business class for our parents and we fly in the cattle car (because I think that the other prices are insane but our folks do enjoy the extra space and attention).

I think it depends on who issues the invitation. If you want them to come and issue an invitation then you should pay, whether you are the parents or the child.

[Anonymous]

It depends.

I know grandparents who bring their children, their children's spouses, and their grandchildren on vacations to Costa Rica and places like that, each year, or at least every other year. They are not rich, but they prioritize traveling, and do not want to go it alone, or see a foreign country by tour bus, so they bring their family along, and everyone enjoys themselves. Some go for for a week, some go for a summer. The family truly enjoys each other, and the trip is a big treat, since no one needs anything material.

I also know grandparents who insist on renting a big house in the Outer Banks for a week each year (which is not cheap), and the children and grandchildren go for part of the week, out of obligation. They really don't look forward to it, it is not where they would choose to go, and they have limited vacation time. It is kind of a waste of money, and a waste of limited vacation time. The grandparents aren't so good at taking everyone's time into account equally. For example, they will ask some grandchildren about their school time off, and not others. ie: If the grandparent has a personal vendetta or control issues, they have propensity to rear their ugly head during times like these.

I think that the PP who stated they would rather go someplace nice and pay our own way nailed it; assuming the family is warm and welcoming. If the family is cold and clannish, you can keep your "vacation".

To the PP whose grandparents pay for Iceland - count me in! I am hearing more and more of these great family vacation stories, and I think it sounds wonderful. Especially if the grandparents are going on great vacations, anyway. Why not include the whole family (they can pay their own way)? That to me is more favorably memorable than cramming as many people into a house as possible, for a "tradition" that everyone dreads each year - especially if you have school obligations for your own children to tend to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad still pays for a week long vacation rental for my siblings and me ( and our families) every year too. All of us kids are every comfortable and could afford the trips ourselves, but my Dad has never accepted money from us to cover our share of the hotel/vacation rental. Instead, my siblings and I try to insure that we cover all meals and extras while there, but those costs still don't equal our share of the accomadations. I think he does it, but he really likes having all of us together under one roof again and he is afraid we wouldn't all come every year if he didn't pay. Although everyone (including our spouses) enjoy the trip, I could see us deciding to not go some years in order to save for our own expensive trip or big ticket item.

My parents do this too. It helps that annual leave is not an issue for us, so we can go to this place that holds a lot of memories every year, and still go on other trips.

[Anonymous]

My parents bought a vacation house so we have a free (and fun) place to stay. They haven't bought plane tickets for me since I graduated from college, but they used to occasionally rent a vacation house somewhere and we'd meet there.

Now I'm the planner and DH and I will rent a nice house somewhere and invite my parents and/ or my in-laws. I offer my brother and his wife miles for plane tickets because they don't have as much money but they rarely take us up on it.

I do think I'd like to continue offering to pay for our kids even once they launch and have kids of their own. I can only imagine that they will have different amounts of disposable income so this would enable us all to still have nice vacations and still be able to get together more than just on holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since birth we've taken our 3 kids on nice yearly family summer vacations, places like Hawaii, DisneyWorld, USVI, etc. All 3 are now out of college (we paid all costs) and over the last few years not all 3 have made these yearly vacations because of jobs or other commitments. All 3 currently have jobs and money in the bank.

My question: At what point do parents stop paying for these vacation's if ever? This is assuming they still wish to come along.

You can stop whenever. Just be prepared that they will stop coming. A free trip may be the only reason they spend their vacation time with you. If they have to pay, they'll probably choose something else with their time and money. If you're fine with that, then stop paying. If not, then belly up to the bar.

[Anonymous]

If you want kids to come along, you pay.

[Anonymous]

My ILs take their three children and families on trips every other year. We've been to Hawaii, Spain, Middle East, Argentina, beach houses, mountain houses, etc. They refuse to let us pay for anything on these trips. They have the money and it's how they want to spend it. We are very very thankful. WE love spending time with them and kids growing up close to their grandparents, cousins, and us with our nieces, nephews, etc.

[Anonymous]

^plus they know none of us will ever have as much money as they do and wouldn't be able to do these trips unless they paid.Unlike our parents' generation, we will not gain the kind of wealth they have.

[Anonymous]

If you want to have a big expensive vacation and want everyone to come then paying is reasonable. If you don't actually the cracks between what people can afford will eventually appear and create bad feelings.

If you put paying on them that is also completely reasonable but imo you can't pressure them or expect them to come. Different families have different budgets and leave.