Paying for adult children's vacation

[Anonymous]

I am living vicariously through those of you whose parents and ILs who fund vacations. My ILs have never spent a night away from their home in the 11years I have known them. My parents have traveled the world and quit funding family trips after high school. With that said, they funded 3 college educations and bought 3 new cars. That was my vacation money, I guess you could say.

[Anonymous]

We rent a house at a vacation spot once a year and invite the adult kids to come. Sometimes they come for a few days, sometimes not. The other in laws pay for resort vacations and cruises for the whole bunch. Not going there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs take their three children and families on trips every other year. We've been to Hawaii, Spain, Middle East, Argentina, beach houses, mountain houses, etc. They refuse to let us pay for anything on these trips. They have the money and it's how they want to spend it. We are very very thankful. WE love spending time with them and kids growing up close to their grandparents, cousins, and us with our nieces, nephews, etc.

This seems wonderful! I am hearing more and more stories like this. You can't take it with you!

[Anonymous]

My parents take me and my sibling and our families on an international trip every other year. For the odd years, we all stay in a vacation home together at the beach. I love these trips and so do all of the grandchildren. My sibling lives out of state, and if it weren't for these trips, we definitely would not be as close, nor would our families be as close. My parents love having us altogether under one roof too

[Anonymous]

My parents haven't ever paid since we graduated college, DH's parents don't travel other than to the beach or a local trip (like Lancaster). We still travel internationally with my family yearly because we like the destinations. My mom and I plan it all out and their family and our family have similar tastes. It's fun!

My inlaws spend a ton of money on their vacations (similar to what we spend internationally) but they don't do anything other than sit on a beach so we rarely go with them. I just don't have the annual leave to do the same trip yearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see dh and me having a vacation cabin or beach house some day where our kids can join us with their families but still have lots of fun things to do on their own away from the house.

It would not be expected that they spend their vacations with us but every now and then would be wonderful. We'll be happy to watch the grandkids while they have a romantic night out.

+1

My mom did this, too - it was great! IL's? Not so much.

These kind of posts befuddle me. People simply refuse to understand that their parents are their spouse's inlaws.

[Anonymous]

I grew up middle class, but I work in a field that is generally entered into by people who come from some degree of means. I’ve found it eye opening to discover that tons and tons of my colleagues parents pay for very nice, extended family vacations for themselves, the kids and the grandkids.

The people I work with absolutely are in a position to fund their own luxury vacation, but the parents still pay. I echo other posters who say that if your parents expect you to use some of your very limited vacation time on a trip and location of their choosing, they need to pony up. You can have your kids foot the bill, but the “kids” will likely stop going as soon as they get married and their spouse starts to speak up, and/or kid and daycare expenses are in full swing.

I think the whole “cut them off the second they hit 22 and leave undergrad!!” is not necessarily a behavior of upper class families. I’m also shocked by how many people in my McLean neighborhood have had down payment help from their parents, but that’s a whole other thread. The assistance has generally gotten them into a nicer house sooner.

[Anonymous]

To provide another perspective, my inlaws really wanted to have a vacation with their kids and families, so they went all out and spent a fortune on a vacation for all of us. It was . . . fine, I guess. I have virtually nothing in common with my BIL and SIL, their kids are sweet but I don't know them well, and the vacation itself was not at all what I would have chosen to spend vacation (and holiday!) time on (though many others think it's great). But I did it. Of course, at dinner the last night the talk turned to what we could do next year . . . Now, the apparent expectation is that we'll do this every other year. And I guess it's fine. But I really resent having other people plan my vacations for me, and having to work around the ridiculous constraints my BIL and SIL impose (they refuse to get their kids passports, for example).

So, for all of you who are thrilled that your parents plan and pay for these elaborate vacations, just be aware that it may not be all sunshine and roses for your spouses, whether they tell you or not. After all, your parents are their inlaws, and if you wouldn't be thrilled about spending long vacations with *your* inlaws, why do you think they are?

So, for all of you who

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs take their three children and families on trips every other year. We've been to Hawaii, Spain, Middle East, Argentina, beach houses, mountain houses, etc. They refuse to let us pay for anything on these trips. They have the money and it's how they want to spend it. We are very very thankful. WE love spending time with them and kids growing up close to their grandparents, cousins, and us with our nieces, nephews, etc.

This seems wonderful! I am hearing more and more stories like this. You can't take it with you!

You can't, but my grandmother is 102 and going strong. She lives in a Somerby retirement community where she spends her days doing all kind of activities and gossiping with other people. If she had spent all of her money in her 70s, she would be in a room in one of her children's homes, with nothing but the television for entertainment most of the time. I'm 45. There are no more children to bond with in her kids' homes, and they are retirement age themselves.

[Anonymous]

Every other year, we go away with my parents-in-law, bro-in-law, sis-in-law, and all the kids. We rent apartments in the same unit and coordinate activities. Honestly? I love it. The cousins and many involved adults make it such a good time for my children - those trips have been such a wonderful memory for my kids. Having many adults and kids in many ways lightens the load than if it was just our family unit on vacation. I love it, but clearly I'm in the minority here!

[Anonymous]

If you want them to be with you, be respectful of their limited resources. Just because they have jobs doesn't mean they have money for a family vacation to your standard. Maybe they are saving for something, recognize it is time to get used to a more modest life, or would prefer to do something else with their money.

If you want them there, pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every other year, we go away with my parents-in-law, bro-in-law, sis-in-law, and all the kids. We rent apartments in the same unit and coordinate activities. Honestly? I love it. The cousins and many involved adults make it such a good time for my children - those trips have been such a wonderful memory for my kids. Having many adults and kids in many ways lightens the load than if it was just our family unit on vacation. I love it, but clearly I'm in the minority here!

I am so so so very jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want/expect them to join you, it would be nice if you paid. If you don't want to pay, I think that's fine, but I wouldn't expect them to come along in that case.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every other year, we go away with my parents-in-law, bro-in-law, sis-in-law, and all the kids. We rent apartments in the same unit and coordinate activities. Honestly? I love it. The cousins and many involved adults make it such a good time for my children - those trips have been such a wonderful memory for my kids. Having many adults and kids in many ways lightens the load than if it was just our family unit on vacation. I love it, but clearly I'm in the minority here!

Ditto to here except with my family (I have 3 siblings). We are lucky I. That we all get along, the kids love playing with each other, and my parents work well with the group too. We count down to this every year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine vacationing with parents once you leave home. If there were some sort of once-off like a Grand Trip to Asia or a 50th Anniversary or a destination wedding, that's one thing. But routinely paying for your adult working children to vacation with you? That's insane and your kids are taking advantage of you, and you shouldn't offer.

I agree.

And on the flip side, it puts a lot of pressure and control over married children and their spouses who might rather do other things for vacation than spend all their days off travelling with the in laws.

It should definitely stop once your kids are married because whether your kid shares this with you or not, tyese vacations tend to put a lot of stress on marriages.

Once your kids are married you need to save these vacations for big, milestone events, NOT regular or yearly obligations.

What is so weird about it? My dad is a millionaire and I am not. If they didn't pay, we'd be at the Comfort Inn down the street (if that) from their rooms at the Fairmont. That' doesn't sound like much fun for anyone.