Paying for adult children's vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want/expect them to join you, it would be nice if you paid. If you don't want to pay, I think that's fine, but I wouldn't expect them to come along in that case.

+1

+2. My parents don't pay for us and haven't since after college. However, they don't expect us to go on vacation with them either. I know other people whose parents continue to pay even though they're millionaires in their 30s and the parents aren't - THAT is weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want/expect them to join you, it would be nice if you paid. If you don't want to pay, I think that's fine, but I wouldn't expect them to come along in that case.

+1

+2 My aunt and uncle still pay for a nice vacation every year for their entire family. It is a really nice trip and they prioritize spending time together (year round) as a family and are very close.
DH and I have talked about wanting to do the same for our kids. I would love for our immediate family to be as close as theirs.

[Anonymous]

We pay to vacation with my parents (a two week trip overseas yearly). My sister doesn't have the money so she doesn't come (she also doesn't like traveling). I grew up UMC.

We are planning a large 40th anniversary trip for next year and I'm sure we will all pay our own way. We're in our 20s and have always paid for ourselves. My parents require fancier hotels than dh and I would pay for on our own vacation, but we just suck it up and compromise (parents stay in cheaper lodging and we stay in fancier lodging to meet half way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine vacationing with parents once you leave home. If there were some sort of once-off like a Grand Trip to Asia or a 50th Anniversary or a destination wedding, that's one thing. But routinely paying for your adult working children to vacation with you? That's insane and your kids are taking advantage of you, and you shouldn't offer.

I agree.

And on the flip side, it puts a lot of pressure and control over married children and their spouses who might rather do other things for vacation than spend all their days off travelling with the in laws.

It should definitely stop once your kids are married because whether your kid shares this with you or not, tyese vacations tend to put a lot of stress on marriages.

Once your kids are married you need to save these vacations for big, milestone events, NOT regular or yearly obligations.

[Anonymous]

I am 36, my mom still takes me on a week long vacation every spring next year's vacation is booked already.

Thing is, while I have plenty of vacation I only have a limited vacation budget and that vacation budget is spent on vacation my husband and I take together. Mom wants to take me, I know it's not a financial burden on her, so I let her. She knows my budget, I have offered to pay her back, she constantly books over my budget and tells me not to worry about it.

We don't see each other often and we really enjoy that week together. No cooking, no cleaning, just beach, cocktails and three cooked meals a day. However, I am an only child, she is a single mom, she used to work full time when I was younger... I think part of it is saying sorry that we didn't have these options 30 years ago. Heck, my mom still pays my ice cream when we are on vacation (not because I can't or won't but because she won't let me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 36, my mom still takes me on a week long vacation every spring next year's vacation is booked already.

Thing is, while I have plenty of vacation I only have a limited vacation budget and that vacation budget is spent on vacation my husband and I take together. Mom wants to take me, I know it's not a financial burden on her, so I let her. She knows my budget, I have offered to pay her back, she constantly books over my budget and tells me not to worry about it.

We don't see each other often and we really enjoy that week together. No cooking, no cleaning, just beach, cocktails and three cooked meals a day. However, I am an only child, she is a single mom, she used to work full time when I was younger... I think part of it is saying sorry that we didn't have these options 30 years ago. Heck, my mom still pays my ice cream when we are on vacation (not because I can't or won't but because she won't let me).

That is so sweet.

[Anonymous]

I can see dh and me having a vacation cabin or beach house some day where our kids can join us with their families but still have lots of fun things to do on their own away from the house.

It would not be expected that they spend their vacations with us but every now and then would be wonderful. We'll be happy to watch the grandkids while they have a romantic night out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad still pays for a week long vacation rental for my siblings and me ( and our families) every year too. All of us kids are every comfortable and could afford the trips ourselves, but my Dad has never accepted money from us to cover our share of the hotel/vacation rental. Instead, my siblings and I try to insure that we cover all meals and extras while there, but those costs still don't equal our share of the accomadations. I think he does it, but he really likes having all of us together under one roof again and he is afraid we wouldn't all come every year if he didn't pay. Although everyone (including our spouses) enjoy the trip, I could see us deciding to not go some years in order to save for our own expensive trip or big ticket item.

This is my family too. My parents (divorced but still friendly) split the cost of a beach house to get everyone together once a year. Holidays are tricky with travel and in laws and kids who want Santa at their house. So we have a yearly summer gathering and then the rest we figure out as we go.

It's really nice and we are all really appreciative. My parents love having all the kids around for a solid week of chaos and spoiling and fun. But we would probably never do a trip, like Disney, as a family. Way too many moving pieces. There are 16 of us (10 adults, 6 kids) so just having a home base for a week to be around each other is the best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to stop paying, but then you are also giving up control. They may not want to go to the places you suggest and they may not want to spend $$$ on a luxury hotel but prefer to get an airbnb or similar.

We vacation with my dad and pay our own way- but he essentially comes on our vacation now- we pick the place and the time since its more expensive for our family and we have limited vacation time and school schedules to work around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Dad still pays for a week long vacation rental for my siblings and me ( and our families) every year too. All of us kids are every comfortable and could afford the trips ourselves, but my Dad has never accepted money from us to cover our share of the hotel/vacation rental. Instead, my siblings and I try to insure that we cover all meals and extras while there, but those costs still don't equal our share of the accomadations. I think he does it, but he really likes having all of us together under one roof again and he is afraid we wouldn't all come every year if he didn't pay. Although everyone (including our spouses) enjoy the trip, I could see us deciding to not go some years in order to save for our own expensive trip or big ticket item.

This is my family too. My parents (divorced but still friendly) split the cost of a beach house to get everyone together once a year. Holidays are tricky with travel and in laws and kids who want Santa at their house. So we have a yearly summer gathering and then the rest we figure out as we go.

It's really nice and we are all really appreciative. My parents love having all the kids around for a solid week of chaos and spoiling and fun. But we would probably never do a trip, like Disney, as a family. Way too many moving pieces. There are 16 of us (10 adults, 6 kids) so just having a home base for a week to be around each other is the best thing ever.

Yes, and what parent wouldn't want this? I'd be thrilled if we could afford to do this for our kids one day, and they were happy to come. It wouldn't matter to me what their resources are; I would want to do it for them (and for the family as a whole).

[Anonymous]

My parents pay for all 3 kids (plus spouses and kids) for one vacation a year - skiing or Europe, usually. We all happily go! These trips are great because all of us like each other and we probably couldn't afford these vacations on our own.

My parents also have a beach house that accommodates everyone (grandkids have to bunk together) and we usually are all here for 4th of July and then some combo of us for various weekends in the summer.

[Anonymous]

I think it's time to cut the cord

[Anonymous]

My parents stopped after highschool. My plan is the pay for it through college and the first few years out of college. The reason I say this is because during those years my disposable income was so low that there was absolutely no way I could afford to go on vacation, let alone the types of places my parents wanted to go. By the time I reached a comfortable income level where I could pay my own way on a family vacation, we were so out of the habit that it just didn't happen. So now we are not the type of family that does family vacations, which makes me sad. I think it would be nice.

A lot of my friends have parents who still rent out a huge house for a week. My friends pay their own travel expenses to get there, but do not pay for the house. I think, if you can afford it, this would be a nice way to encourage the family trips, give your children a generous gift, but also not have to completely pay for the vacation.

[Anonymous]

I'm 40, and it seems like all of my friends still go on vacations fubder by their parents. Either parentw rent the villa or they rent the huge beach house for everyone. All of the kids can afford their own vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see dh and me having a vacation cabin or beach house some day where our kids can join us with their families but still have lots of fun things to do on their own away from the house.

It would not be expected that they spend their vacations with us but every now and then would be wonderful. We'll be happy to watch the grandkids while they have a romantic night out.

My parents want to buy a vacation home and have this very idea. They also say we could use it whenever we want even when they aren't there. The problem is, DH and I would never ever pick that destination and will feel obligated to buy airline tickets for us and the kids occasionally go visit if they do this. We are encouraging them to do it only if they really want to enjoy it for themselves. Otherwise spend their money on lavish vacations and we would happily join them from time to time and pay our own way. My grown siblings don't even like to travel.

To answer OP, my siblings and I generally stopped after HS I went once in college but it was an anniversary special trip.