Paying for adult children's vacation

[Anonymous]

My parents travel a lot, after teaching for 40 years and saving (we vacationed every few years domestically when I was a kid, think Red Roof Inn travel) to the point where they now make more in retirement than they did when working. They know me and my brother also enjoy travel. So for their 45th anniversary they wanted us all to go to Alaska with them, knowing we would likely not book that trip for ourselves. They basically said here is 12,000$ per family, and anything over is on you. We never would have taken a 17 day vacation without their sponsorship! The cousins really enjoyed their time together as well. Fast forward 5 years and my mom started talking about another trip, so within the course of two weeks we have lodging booked in Arizona in December for the 10 of us. This will be a significantly cheaper trip, but they are paying. My in-laws also travel a lot but it is a lot of cheap, off season cruises and driving to Myrtle Beach. They refuse to travel in the summer or at peak times. I get it, really I do, but with kids in high school we can't take off all the time and miss school. I have tried to plan trips with them but it has never worked out. At this point I am doubtful it ever will (they just invited us on a 5 night cruise in November on a small old ship where the kids would miss 2-3 days of school). And any trip we would take with them we would definitely pay for ourselves. . They never pay even at Panera. We have discussed paying for them entirely to go with us sometime but that is a mixed bag...they already think we are "rich northern Virginians".

[Anonymous]

Pay if you can afford it. If not, don't expect them to be able to travel with you.

[Anonymous]

If you want to have family vacations for the rest of your forseeable future, you should pay for your kids to vacation with you through college, and at least the first 5 years out of college, maybe longer, or until they are capable of paying. Even then, it should be gradual.. paying for a small part until they can afford the whole.

My family cut us off when we went to college.. so 18. We never vacationed as a family after. Around the time we were in our early 30s and started having our own families, my mother decided she wanted family vacations again. But by that time, we had already established our own vacation routines and preferences. No one could agree on locations or times or prices and it never happened. My mother complains about this a lot now as she sees other families still doing vacations.

The thing is, for the people I know who family vacation, it is a routine, a habit, a tradition they are unwilling to break- even if it isnt their favorite place/vacation/etc. The first week of August or right after Christmas they always go to X location and stay in X hotel/house with the same people (and their growing families). At some point the "kids" transitioned to paying for more things. First maybe their flight, then a few dinners, etc. And eventually, they will likely treat the grandparents by paying for the house, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

My parents and DH's parents sometimes choose destinations and types of vacations that we would not choose to spend money on. For example, we are not domestic, week-long beach house people. We would not have wanted to go to Yellowstone with an 8-month-old. But these were special, important trips to our parents. So we were willing to take the time and bear the logistical burden to go. We WOULD have paid for these types of trips to make our parents happy, but our parents knew that these were making-them-happy trips, so they paid.

Now we have also paid for our parents to come out to visit us, etc., so it is a two-way street. The way it has worked out for us so far, if either "side" is being burdened in any way, the other side offers to pay.

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 with a husband and DD. My parents pay for our vacations with them but they also have the means to do so.

[Anonymous]

This thread was weirdly resurrected from 2 years go.

I would think that the annual family vacations end when the kids leave home. If the parents want the kids to fund themselves, then suggest less extravagant vacations that are affordable by everyone.