Help! Dating question: are my expectations wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am not clear on why PPs think women are so desperate for men to buy them dinner tbh. If all they wanted was dinner, why would they not just go to the restaurant and buy the dinner? Why do you need a man for that part?

+1. I'd rather pay for and enjoy a dinner alone than have it paid for by a man whose company I don't enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am not clear on why PPs think women are so desperate for men to buy them dinner tbh. If all they wanted was dinner, why would they not just go to the restaurant and buy the dinner? Why do you need a man for that part?

Why, to pay for it, dearie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am not clear on why PPs think women are so desperate for men to buy them dinner tbh. If all they wanted was dinner, why would they not just go to the restaurant and buy the dinner? Why do you need a man for that part?

+1. I'd rather pay for and enjoy a dinner alone than have it paid for by a man whose company I don't enjoy.

So your default is still getting some man to pay for your dinner, but you enjoy it more if you also like the man's company. How nice for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am not clear on why PPs think women are so desperate for men to buy them dinner tbh. If all they wanted was dinner, why would they not just go to the restaurant and buy the dinner? Why do you need a man for that part?

+1. I'd rather pay for and enjoy a dinner alone than have it paid for by a man whose company I don't enjoy.

So your default is still getting some man to pay for your dinner, but you enjoy it more if you also like the man's company. How nice for you.

Huh? Reading comprehension is not your strong suit. If a man asks me out and I didn't otherwise suggest the date, and he suggests the dinner, then yes he pays for it. If I don't enjoy his company then I won't go out with him again even if he wants to buy me a hundred more dinners. I can and will buy my own in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure you're a wonderful guy with great potential for love, intimacy and more. But the creeps are definitely out there in droves, and these are the ones women are worried about. It may well take 5 dates for a woman to realize you're the great guy you sound like. Don't take it personally!

So, it's OP's fault that a woman he dates is unable to distinguish between a creep (whatever that means) and a non-creep, therefore, she is justified in assuming all men are creeps?

Nuh-uh. Every single one of you ladies, including whoever OP had the bad date with, will readily have sex on the first date with a new guy that they are sufficiently attracted to. They may rationalize the behavior in some fashion ("too much to drink," "I'm not really like this"; etc.) but it's all about sexual attraction.

Bizarro women go on dates with men and then blame the men for trying to have sex with them. But only if it's a man she doesn't want to have sex with anyway.

Huh? I said it's NOT OP's fault. Try reading.

And you're bizarre to think that all women will jump into bed with a man if he's sufficiently attractive. You don't understand women at all, especially not our concerns about Internet randos. Do you know many women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bizarro women go on dates with men and then blame the men for trying to have sex with them. But only if it's a man she doesn't want to have sex with anyway.

Bingo!

It's almost like... women have sexual preferences of their own. CRAZY!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely shocking that women don't want to get with some of the mouth-breathers on this thread.

Women are PEOPLE, and respond well to being talked to like fully-formed adults. Consent is sexy. Assumptions, arbitrary timelines for physical interactions, and stupid headgames aren't.

So, what you're saying is that a man who dates a woman should not make the foolish assumption that she agreed to the date in the first place because she was sexually interested in him?

Well what is it then? The free dinner? Why are these women bothering to date at all if they don't want to have sex with men?

We are talking about adults in their 20s and 30s, right? You mean these women will actually look at an online profile and set up a date with a guy they have no sexual interest in? Given that women probably have far more choices online of who to pick them men do, it seems unbelievable.

Now the response will be something like: "But the woman doesn't HAVE to have sex with the man just because she's dating him!!!" No, she certainly doesn't, and he certainly has no obligation to continue dating someone who doesn't want to have sex with him. Because all heterosexual males date with the expectation that it will lead to sex. Otherwise why the hell bother?

It has nothing to do with a free dinner. You can easily go on a date with a man you thought was attractive and find that his pictures were old or inaccurate or he's just an asshole or he says things during the date that let you know he is definitely not a good match for you. She you have sex with him anyway, because, date? Hell no! Dates are a way to get to know people, to see if any initial interest you may have had was well founded. Often, it's not.

If men had even the slightest clue about the potentially disastrous consequences for women going on dates with randoms from the internet, this wouldn't even be a conversation. Of course, the more enlightened males who are already at least marginally aware of this aren't the knuckle-draggers on this thread anyway (they're probably happily coupled and getting laid as we speak).

And this sums up so much of the men on the relationship forum. Desperate sad losers.

I once told a guy on here he was disgusting and he said I sounded attractive and assertive and would I go to dinner with him?

Yes, he tried to pick me up over DCUM. Because I "sounded attractive"

THIS IS THE LEVEL OF SAD DESPERATION WE ARE DEALING WITH HERE!!!!

[Anonymous]

My advice - don't act like a frat boy and know that some sorts of "online dating" don't build a foundation whatsoever. and you certainly don't have a mutual friend to vouch for anything so you're both getting to know each other while doing some due diligence!

Try to get set up by a buddy or sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am not clear on why PPs think women are so desperate for men to buy them dinner tbh. If all they wanted was dinner, why would they not just go to the restaurant and buy the dinner? Why do you need a man for that part?

+1. I'd rather pay for and enjoy a dinner alone than have it paid for by a man whose company I don't enjoy.

So your default is still getting some man to pay for your dinner, but you enjoy it more if you also like the man's company. How nice for you.

Huh? Reading comprehension is not your strong suit. If a man asks me out and I didn't otherwise suggest the date, and he suggests the dinner, then yes he pays for it. If I don't enjoy his company then I won't go out with him again even if he wants to buy me a hundred more dinners. I can and will buy my own in that case.

LOL I can read fine sweetie. Your expectation is in exchange for the privilege of going out on a date with you, the man buys you a dinner. Pretty old fashioned. How many times have you had a date and paid for the man (regardless of who asked who out on the date) vs. how many times you have dated and the man has paid for you? I'd be surprised if you ever bought dinner for a man even once on a date. I'm not talking about going dutch--I'm talking about where you pay for BOTH of you. I'll bet that's happened exactly zero times. Prove me wrong sweetie pie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely shocking that women don't want to get with some of the mouth-breathers on this thread.

Women are PEOPLE, and respond well to being talked to like fully-formed adults. Consent is sexy. Assumptions, arbitrary timelines for physical interactions, and stupid headgames aren't.

So, what you're saying is that a man who dates a woman should not make the foolish assumption that she agreed to the date in the first place because she was sexually interested in him?

Well what is it then? The free dinner? Why are these women bothering to date at all if they don't want to have sex with men?

We are talking about adults in their 20s and 30s, right? You mean these women will actually look at an online profile and set up a date with a guy they have no sexual interest in? Given that women probably have far more choices online of who to pick them men do, it seems unbelievable.

Now the response will be something like: "But the woman doesn't HAVE to have sex with the man just because she's dating him!!!" No, she certainly doesn't, and he certainly has no obligation to continue dating someone who doesn't want to have sex with him. Because all heterosexual males date with the expectation that it will lead to sex. Otherwise why the hell bother?

It has nothing to do with a free dinner. You can easily go on a date with a man you thought was attractive and find that his pictures were old or inaccurate or he's just an asshole or he says things during the date that let you know he is definitely not a good match for you. She you have sex with him anyway, because, date? Hell no! Dates are a way to get to know people, to see if any initial interest you may have had was well founded. Often, it's not.

If men had even the slightest clue about the potentially disastrous consequences for women going on dates with randoms from the internet, this wouldn't even be a conversation. Of course, the more enlightened males who are already at least marginally aware of this aren't the knuckle-draggers on this thread anyway (they're probably happily coupled and getting laid as we speak).

And this sums up so much of the men on the relationship forum. Desperate sad losers.

I once told a guy on here he was disgusting and he said I sounded attractive and assertive and would I go to dinner with him?

Yes, he tried to pick me up over DCUM. Because I "sounded attractive"

THIS IS THE LEVEL OF SAD DESPERATION WE ARE DEALING WITH HERE!!!!

You just said a man would have to be sadly desperate to ask you on a date.

Your candor is refreshing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure you're a wonderful guy with great potential for love, intimacy and more. But the creeps are definitely out there in droves, and these are the ones women are worried about. It may well take 5 dates for a woman to realize you're the great guy you sound like. Don't take it personally!

So, it's OP's fault that a woman he dates is unable to distinguish between a creep (whatever that means) and a non-creep, therefore, she is justified in assuming all men are creeps?

Nuh-uh. Every single one of you ladies, including whoever OP had the bad date with, will readily have sex on the first date with a new guy that they are sufficiently attracted to. They may rationalize the behavior in some fashion ("too much to drink," "I'm not really like this"; etc.) but it's all about sexual attraction.

Bizarro women go on dates with men and then blame the men for trying to have sex with them. But only if it's a man she doesn't want to have sex with anyway.

Huh? I said it's NOT OP's fault. Try reading.

And you're bizarre to think that all women will jump into bed with a man if he's sufficiently attractive. You don't understand women at all, especially not our concerns about Internet randos. Do you know many women?

No, actually, you implied the opposite of what you think you said. Your explanation to OP of the reaction he is getting on dates is because of the woman's bad experiences with other people. If you agree it's not OP's fault, then he shouldn't do anything different except choose different, non-nutbag women to date. Otherwise you're implying he has some obligation to change his behavior to accomodate the nutbag women simply because they mishandled their prior relationships with other men and had bad experiences with other men. If it's not his fault then he has no obligation to change anything he's been doing. Instead, the emotionally disturbed women he's dating who assume that all men are creeps need to get therapy, and all OP needs to do is to avoid dating disturbed women who need therapy because they erroneously assume any man they date is a creep.

Also yes most but not all women who are doing online dating will most certainly jump into bed with a man on the first date if they find him sufficiently attractive or even if they don't but can otherwise rationalize it to themselves. The fact that these women (including yourself) will then lie about what they are willing to do doesn't change the reality of it.

[Anonymous]

op, there's a lot of variety out there. personally, in my early 30s, I definitely hold off on any significant sexual activity for at least 5 or 6 dates to ensure that we are a good personality match. if that's a problem for a guy, I'd rather move on to someone else. the personality match is more important now that I'm older and dating to marry rather than just for fun and companionship. I'm looking for an adult man who can control himself and isn't ruled by his appetites. but most important is the personality match. if I want sex I can get it easily. I'm looking for lifetime compatibility and someone who can't wait a few extra weeks isn't the kind of partner I'm interested in. so just hang in there a little longer. what's the big rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely shocking that women don't want to get with some of the mouth-breathers on this thread.

Women are PEOPLE, and respond well to being talked to like fully-formed adults. Consent is sexy. Assumptions, arbitrary timelines for physical interactions, and stupid headgames aren't.

So, what you're saying is that a man who dates a woman should not make the foolish assumption that she agreed to the date in the first place because she was sexually interested in him?

Well what is it then? The free dinner? Why are these women bothering to date at all if they don't want to have sex with men?

We are talking about adults in their 20s and 30s, right? You mean these women will actually look at an online profile and set up a date with a guy they have no sexual interest in? Given that women probably have far more choices online of who to pick them men do, it seems unbelievable.

Now the response will be something like: "But the woman doesn't HAVE to have sex with the man just because she's dating him!!!" No, she certainly doesn't, and he certainly has no obligation to continue dating someone who doesn't want to have sex with him. Because all heterosexual males date with the expectation that it will lead to sex. Otherwise why the hell bother?

It has nothing to do with a free dinner. You can easily go on a date with a man you thought was attractive and find that his pictures were old or inaccurate or he's just an asshole or he says things during the date that let you know he is definitely not a good match for you. She you have sex with him anyway, because, date? Hell no! Dates are a way to get to know people, to see if any initial interest you may have had was well founded. Often, it's not.

If men had even the slightest clue about the potentially disastrous consequences for women going on dates with randoms from the internet, this wouldn't even be a conversation. Of course, the more enlightened males who are already at least marginally aware of this aren't the knuckle-draggers on this thread anyway (they're probably happily coupled and getting laid as we speak).

And this sums up so much of the men on the relationship forum. Desperate sad losers.

I once told a guy on here he was disgusting and he said I sounded attractive and assertive and would I go to dinner with him?

Yes, he tried to pick me up over DCUM. Because I "sounded attractive"

THIS IS THE LEVEL OF SAD DESPERATION WE ARE DEALING WITH HERE!!!!

You just said a man would have to be sadly desperate to ask you on a date.

Your candor is refreshing.

Without seeing me? After I insulted him? Yep, think that applies to everyone.

But thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, there's a lot of variety out there. personally, in my early 30s, I definitely hold off on any significant sexual activity for at least 5 or 6 dates to ensure that we are a good personality match. if that's a problem for a guy, I'd rather move on to someone else. the personality match is more important now that I'm older and dating to marry rather than just for fun and companionship. I'm looking for an adult man who can control himself and isn't ruled by his appetites. but most important is the personality match. if I want sex I can get it easily. I'm looking for lifetime compatibility and someone who can't wait a few extra weeks isn't the kind of partner I'm interested in. so just hang in there a little longer. what's the big rush?

this is helpful (OP here). i'm not even talking sex though, or even clothes off. just talking about why a woman would be interested in continuing to date if she seems more keen on weak hugs to end the evening than a kiss on the lips. i would think that as a woman (or a man for that matter) enter their 30s, they would want to at least try and find out if there's any chemistry there around date #3 or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, there's a lot of variety out there. personally, in my early 30s, I definitely hold off on any significant sexual activity for at least 5 or 6 dates to ensure that we are a good personality match. if that's a problem for a guy, I'd rather move on to someone else. the personality match is more important now that I'm older and dating to marry rather than just for fun and companionship. I'm looking for an adult man who can control himself and isn't ruled by his appetites. but most important is the personality match. if I want sex I can get it easily. I'm looking for lifetime compatibility and someone who can't wait a few extra weeks isn't the kind of partner I'm interested in. so just hang in there a little longer. what's the big rush?

this is helpful (OP here). i'm not even talking sex though, or even clothes off. just talking about why a woman would be interested in continuing to date if she seems more keen on weak hugs to end the evening than a kiss on the lips. i would think that as a woman (or a man for that matter) enter their 30s, they would want to at least try and find out if there's any chemistry there around date #3 or so.

Maybe garlic breath? More likely those particular women didn't think you were a good match. Alternatively, perhaps they are aware of the 3rd date expectation and deliberately keeping the temperature low. Myself, I simply don't enjoy sex with someone I barely know. So even if I like someone, I keep it nonphysical for a long time. I show my interest through spending time together. If that's not ok with him, bye bye.

Regardless, the only thing you can do is continue to spend time with women whose company you genuinely enjoy. And when you find someone, don't blow it up by pushing her boundaries. Unfortunately, women have to carefully avoid the types of men who are venting their misogyny all over this thread.